this is just chock full of STUPID!
*promote!

Promoting this video and sending it back into the queue for one more try; last queued Friday, December 4th, 2009 5:57pm PST - promote requested by enoch.

Tags for this video have been changed from 'condoms, birth control, sex, onan, rature, end times, third eagle of the apocalypse' to 'condoms, birth control, sex, onan, rapture, end times, third eagle of the apocalypse' - edited by EndAll

Who invented viruses?...that's right, don't you dare look at that night quill!

I wish his daddy would have worn a condom.

Is this really real? Or is this a parody?

From now on I would like to be referred to as "The 5th Polar Bear of El Nino".

I like his logic - if you don't want an STD - don't use condoms.

Only 0.01% of Christians go to Heaven? He may have a point.

God killed Onan because he spilled his seed on the ground and therefore ruining a perfectly good cumshot opportunity.

Yea, what if you spill your seed on the titties? I mean that's what he made them for, right?

the editing reminds me of max headroom

@lore_weaver : This is so very, horrifyingly NOT a parody. I've heard that exact same biblical story quoted too many times to count. It's essentially the ONLY biblical "evidence" ever used against contraceptives... And it's taken completely out of context.

Onan married his brother's widow and, from what the story says, was supposed to consummate their marriage and give the poor woman some sons to carry on the family name and to take care of her in her old age. It's a messed up scenario, but the vague statement that he "spilled his seed upon the ground" and that god struck him dead for it... could just as easily be about not consummating a marriage, or about disobeying god in regards to his husbandly duties.
Honestly, "don't fornicate" is pretty clear biblically (not that it ever stopped me). But "don't use contraception" is very VERY vague and non-specific. I have yet to see an argument that I think holds up to scrutiny.

I love his hi-tech lav mic.

Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag.(show it anyway)

This is why we fight.

Why is there a camera cut every time he finishes a sentence? Is he laughing between takes?

"planned parenthood technique called withdrawl" ???
when 19 year old pregnant me trotted down to planned parenthood they told me that technique didnt work.


wait, are we sure this isnt parody?

>> ^lullaby_lune:
It's a messed up scenario, but the vague statement that he "spilled his seed upon the ground" and that god struck him dead for it... could just as easily be about not consummating a marriage, or about disobeying god in regards to his husbandly duties.

Littering?

Ouch, I feel like I've been struck by a stupid stick - I think my ears are bleeding...

The reminds me of a teacher in high school (who was catholic) that said she thought the use of birth control (the pill) was wrong but then talked about the calendar method. The calendar method and pulling out are still methods of birth control (although not very effective). Anyone who uses these methods are still trying to have sex for pleasure and not to have kids. So why not just use a condom or something that works better if that's the end goal? I'm just not seeing the moral difference...

I am the fifth biker of the apocalypse, and God is my chum. He says you're full of shit.

I stopped watching this, not because of what was said, but because the mono sound pissed me off so much.

Good thing I don't use contraceptives; that's her job hahaha. Oh man, I'm such an asshole.

The best part for me was the surprise I felt at seeing a physical address and not an email. Gmail is an instrument of Satan!

Of course, god (as the textual sockpuppet of the clergy) exhorts the sheep to multiply so that the clergy have a larger flock to exploit. Large religions acquire 95% of their adherents by having lots of children and brainwashing the children. Conversion of adults is relatively rare.

I hear the Eagles are facing the 2010 NFL apocalypse. Maybe he's just trying to say he made the team. You should all be proud.

I am the fifth meatball of the apocalypse. You must repent of your low-carb ways, for dinner is nigh. His Noodliness will descend to the table and offer himself to each of you.

Now let us all join hands in prayer...

Our Pasta, who art in a colander, draining be your noodles. Thy noodle come, thy sauce be yum, on top some grated Parmesan. Give us this day our garlic bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza, for thine is the meatball, the noodle, and the sauce, forever and ever, Ramen.

Wait, so if I use contraceptives, I can't play BioShock?

Well, I'm sold!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BioShock#Setting

So let me get this straight... not only will condoms keep me safe from STDs and unwanted pregnancies, they'll also protect me from spending eternity with a bunch of delusional, self-righteous Christians? Fuckin'-A, I'm gonna wear a condom 24 hours a day!

>> ^Drax:
Why is there a camera cut every time he finishes a sentence? Is he laughing between takes?


I'm guessing the cameraman couldn't hold it together for more than 2-3 sentences at a time. Whether he was laughing or passing out from a stupid OD remains unknown.

>> ^Lann:
So why not just use a condom or something that works better if that's the end goal?


It's precisely because rhythm method and pulling out are less effective that they promote them. They want their followers to "be fruitful and multiply" even if by accident.

Microsoft once admitted that they would rather people pirate their software than to legally obtain a competing product. Why? Because their monopolies would be protected. If you use MS Office, legal or not, you are still perpetuating vendor lock-in.

Completion of this analogy is left as an exercise for the reader.

"Onan married his brother's widow and, from what the story says, was supposed to consummate their marriage and give the poor woman some sons to carry on the family name and to take care of her in her old age. It's a messed up scenario, but the vague statement that he "spilled his seed upon the ground" and that god struck him dead for it... could just as easily be about not consummating a marriage, or about disobeying god in regards to his husbandly duties. "

Yes and no. It was tradition in biblical jewish communities to marry the wife of your deceased brother. You had to. Also, any children she would have by the living brother would be considered to be the dead brother's children. Onan didn't want to give his brother children.
The story is often interpreted as the punishment for being selfish.

Got his own band too, this fella.. it's called Pwning Onan and the Apocalypse.

Maybe he means if you use a condom (with the power of God on your side) it will not be "ruptured"..

>> ^therealblankman:
I love his hi-tech lav mic.


I'm pretty sure his tie is painted on as well.

"Co-Prophet"!?

ummm... is that a microphone in your jacket?

I had a girlfriend in high school whose father told me if I kissed her before we got married I would turn gay. The reason being that if we started kissing we would then have sex, a lot of sex, then we would get bored with having sex with the opposite sex and move on to having sex the same sex. He was not kidding.

I did kiss the girl, we did not have sex and I am not gay. She is not gay either.

I wonder if her dad knows this guy.

I keep saying no contraceptive but she never listens...

Note his jibe towards fellow crackpots Jack Van Impe, Hal Lindsey and John Hagee at 3:20. Hal Lindsey is particularly interesting since he is the most important inspiration for Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins, the authors of the atrocious "Left Behind" books. The premillenial dispentionalist subculture of evangelical christianity is rife with such bickering between adherents of different nuances in their so-called "literal" reading of the Bible.

>> ^IAmTheBlurr:
Good thing I don't use contraceptives; that's her job hahaha. Oh man, I'm such an asshole.

No, man, it's "...that's her problem..."

If you're gonna do the asshole thang, do it all the way!

ahahahahahah I am 10 seconds in and I already know that this guy's alias is the "Third Eagle of the Apocalypse" do I really need to watch the rest of the clip?

I wish all these ignorant, afraid, annoying Jesus freaks would hurry up and get raptured already so we can get on with our lives, and improve the world. God damn.

I threw spew it on the ground. I'm not a part of your system. You must think I'm a joke. You don't own me fake god man.

Uh oh, I'm "into" contraceptives. Literally.

So, you are telling me that if I use condoms I won't have to spend eternity with Kirk Cameron? Count me in!

The game.

Actually, a fully monogamous relationship between two men, assuming no prior conditions, should also prevent aids. Or women, for that matter. Or man and sheep. They all pretty much work. I'm seeing a new religion possibility here...

So. Who's the ref?

Tags for this video have been changed from 'CONDOMS, BIRTH CONTROL, ONAN, SEED, RAPTURE, END TIMES, THIRD EAGLE OF THE APOCALYPSE' to 'CONDOMS, ONAN, SEED, RAPTURE, END TIMES, THIRD EAGLE OF THE APOCALYPSE, william tapley' - edited by xxovercastxx