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14 Comments
MordhausShame on you, we can't joke about police, women, or POC.
drradonJust so we have a little context... I heard that joke AT LEAST 50 years ago... before jokes were had to be both funny and PC...
moonsammyI don't believe "political correctness" is really a thing. Just a 90s buzzword made up by people who couldn't handle being called out as some form of bigot and/or asshole. It means the same damn thing as "cancel culture" for most of the usage either term sees these days, and generally just amounts to "I don't like consequences for my actions."
Jokes can still be dirty and offensive as hell, no problem. Just don't punch down / belittle people for no good reason, that shit's just mean-spirited.
Just so we have a little context... I heard that joke AT LEAST 50 years ago... before jokes were had to be both funny and PC...
C-note*quality laughs.
siftbotBoosting this quality contribution up in the Hot Listing - declared quality by C-note.
StukaFoxsays...Let's use this thread to tell one offensive joke each. Nothing off-limits, no holds barred, let it fly. And if Bob doesn't chime in on this one, I'm gonna be disappointed.
Here's mine:
So a Jew is standing in line to go to the gas chamber at Auschwitz and he's kvetching.
"Oy," he moans, "This is the worst day of my life! First the Nazis kill my family, then everything I own is stolen, and now I'm in line to be gassed. God please, PLEASE, send me some relief in my final moments on earth!"
At that moment, a mighty thunderclap sounds and millions of scorpions start falling from the sky.
"God be praised!" the Jew cries out in joy, "Free scorpions!"
luxintenebrismoonsammy: great take. thumbs-up! crystalized my thoughts exactly!*
a couple of rules of comedy are 'know your audience' and [the joke] 'it has to be funny'. if there is no laugh, either you told it wrong, told it to the wrong person, or your wrong about it being funny. your audience is the final judge. not their duty to laff at your doody joke.
stukafox: okay [btw: the watermelon joke is very old] but not going w/the worst or nastiest, just with a few of old risqué ones.
novice is riding back to the convent w/the mother superior on their bicycles through the medieval section of the town. mother superior tells the novice "let's cut through this alleyway". the alley is long, rough and bumpy but the novice agrees. when they get back on the regular route the novice says, "that was new! I've never come that way before!" mother superior says, "it's the cobblestones."
a woman notices her neighbor's tomatoes are fully ripening while her's are still green. she asks him "how do you get your tomatoes to ripen so quickly?" he tells her, "I get up around dawn while I'm still in my bathrobe and open it and flash them. they get so embarrassed they turn red." women tells him she's going to try it but later in the evening. the next day, the neighbor sees the woman and asks "so? did it work?" the woman turns to tell him, "no. it didn't - but YOU SHOULD SEE MY CUCUMBERS!
an old woman was talking w/her younger friend. old woman tells her about some of the older woman in town. "oh! don't let them fool you! they were pretty wild in their day! " then she went on and listed all the men a trio of sisters went through and each tête à tête they had. the list was shockingly impressive enough that the younger woman said, "gee...maybe they couldn't help themselves...maybe they suffered from a hereditary disease?" the old woman cocks her head back and eyes the younger woman then says, "hereditary? hell! yes! it was! it was IN THEIR JEANS!!!"
*david letterman
noims@StukaFox, funnily enough today I was thinking of a joke I used to tell back in the day. I couldn't find just now in a 2 minute search making it less likely you've heard it before, so I'll write out a quick version. It's not the funniest or the dirtiest, but it's fun to tell.
So a guy's looking to kill himself and fortuitously comes across a sign saying 'for an interesting death enquire within.' This being a joke he decides he has to give it a go.
Inside is an absolutely huuuuge naked woman. She first instructs him to put his belt on her. He struggles, but eventually manages. "Now," she says "pull it tighter until I'm thin." With every ounce of strength and leverage he can muster he gets the belt to the last notch. Struggling for breath she says "Now eat my pussy". He's starting to suspect a scam, but he goes for it anyway. "Harder!" she gasps, grinding against him. He pushes back against her as hard as he can. "harder! HARDER!" He's pushing so hard he's struggling to breathe. He suspects she's just trying to smother him with her pussy when he feels her starting to orgasm. He pushes harder still. Her muscles tense and pulse until suddenly the belt can't take it any more - POP! Ssccchhhhlllup! And he was never seen again.
----
Bonus clean joke I saw when I searched for the one above: Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight unless you're prepared to face the reaper cushions.
BSRSince you brought up DEATH...
https://ibb.co/6v7RVhg
Bonus clean joke I saw when I searched for the one above: Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight unless you're prepared to face the reaper cushions.
MordhausI would tell you an Italian joke but you wouldn't get it without seeing my hand movements.
BSRI got it. I'm from NJ where a lot of Italians live.
I would tell you an Italian joke but you wouldn't get it without seeing my hand movements.
Khufusays...PC issues aside, can someone explain to me why a vagina would keep flies off watermelon? Just trying to figure out why the cop was doubled over laughing.
moonsammyThe implication is her crotch had a very strong funk.
PC issues aside, can someone explain to me why a vagina would keep flies off watermelon? Just trying to figure out why the cop was doubled over laughing.
Khufusays...Thank you sir. Still not laughing, but I understand the premise now:)
The implication is her crotch had a very strong funk.
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