Who?

You know, that toy company run by Chicano kids.....

What time zone are you in KOMMIE?? The little time thingy is on the lower right of yer screen-aren't you early???

OK, it's SHOWTIME . . .


*Scurries back to 3rd draft*

I am really only a blue belt, but the rest is true.

And, for roasting crew sifters who missed their STUDY GUIDES – some folks just have to have them (sigh) – here they are:

http://parody.videosift.com/talk/The-Second-Roast-on-Monday#comment-265201

http://parody.videosift.com/talk/The-Second-Roast-on-Monday#comment-265407

Oh, almost forgot . . . *sticky.

Stickying this post at the top of Sift Talk - sticky requested by dotdude.

blue-balled is normal for geeks yer age, part of the perfect girl fantasy....hey , get yer fiancee in here.....

Yes, yes, I arrived early. Much like the festering man spunk that bore MycroftHolmz into this world.

With my mighty google skills, I discovered this rare photograph of Mycroft.
http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e194/GenGradPSU/Mycroft.jpg

Not bad, not bad.

I have a better one, which all have apparently failed to notice. I misspelled my name(Holmz not Homlz) when I first joined videosift... for a week I couldn't log in and I had no idea way.

It takes a lot of effort to be that unaware, fortunately aggressive conditioning experiments have optimized the absent mindedness that you have all grown to love.

Four more votes to gold...

So not only can't you spell, you've also become a minor vote and star whore, in the same thread even .

So, a physicist you say? Which causes you're panties to twist harder, I wonder: String Theory or Perpetual Motion Machines? Or maybe Dark Matter does it (or, in this case, doesn't do it) for you?

Perpetual Motion, Alex for 500.

Can one of the admins change his avatar image. That is classic:
http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e194/GenGradPSU/Mycroft.jpg

How's this for a siftRoast:

MycroftHomlz
Member Profile
Last *Save: <U><B>never</B></U> &#8226; Available: now
Last *Promote: <U><B>never</B></U> &#8226; Available: now


Nice job. Way to be a part of the community

"Four more votes to gold..."

There I put you over with some key *invocation magic and a dead video fix. Enjoy. Maybe you should ban a certain thread author

I am surprised no one has made fun of my excessive use of "...", which has clearly gotten out of hand...

Hey let me do my best MycroftHomlz impression... jeez guys if i could get a * quality here it would sure help me out to going gold. Do it and I'll send a private video of my famous "Sailor Twirl"

Sorry, never heard of him.

Avatar Changed...

Mix? You don't know me?

*quality

Awarding K0MMIE with one star point for this contribution to Sift Talk - declared quality by MycroftHomlz.

Wow, MH, not only you admit to using the ellipsis too much, but you even use it in the same sentence. That's impressive. You've actually used it seven times in six posts. Is that like your grammatical crack or something?

Oh crap, mlx is right... did I just waste by good poop sex joke on a nobody!?

Not really K0MMIE, I mean... there's enough to go around... there was enough for those two, right?

Can I *ban people now?

K0MMIE cannot be banned because star accounts are immune to banination - ignoring ban request by MycroftHomlz.

Yes and know, as you can now see.
I like this scientist. He tests his ideas... in a way that COULD POSSIBLY SET SOME POOR NON-STAR UP FOR A BAN!!!!
Thank god it takes two to get a ban here, sheesh.

Beware he will use his quantum knowledge to rearrange all your particles into nanoscopic penises... to make his feel less lonely. Don't worry Mycroft, it's not the size of the particle that matters; it's its CHARGE!

Well, I would have been your dad, Holmz, but the dog beat me over the fence.

hey MKOMMIE, yer opener might have made you wiggle with glee, but all I could do is imagine how happy you were to be able to discover the phenom described the first and last time anyone ever experienced such satisfaction, and how difficult your potty training or lack thereof, must have been for your daddys.

Seems like all these kids can do is focus on the basest of the lowest human denominator, and for what it's worth, vicarious apologies to everyone but mlx, who has had the best one-liners so far, all hinged upon the fact that we still know too little about you MH to get too scathing, too close to home.

I offer this seasoned observation of your overall nature, having had a bit of experience reading the interesting version of your meatsack description, in some of your first pm's to me.

You came with a welcome to me, in the form of a paragraph...then another, then another, cutting and pasting data so fast on 9/11, that I was sure you were on the company payroll of the official report's disinformation squad......hell, all I did was post a viddy that would spark conversation either way on the subject, and you came to me with tomes, trying to win me over like a used car salesman/Scientology recruiter-(wtf have I dredged with this one, hope he goes charter before I have to make some shit up)

lesse.....if I recall, you said something like, you had to crunch some more data, after I reset you with some non-linear banter-

oh here's a fun one..
MH:You are down voting every video I submit, that you vote for. That is pretty lame.
And by the way, your comment was not marked private."

yeah well, life sucks, then you die, but in your case, the soul was sold long ago, to the god's of insect activities, and the world needs her insects, gives me more time to think. So how's work?? Well, here's one marked public I got a kick out of:

Hi Choggie,

I am pretty busy today. I had a near catastrophe with my experiment, the test subjects were recovered, but experienced the normal disorientation after two hours in the accelerator, and things turned out ok. This weekend I will be available and willing, please do that thing with your teeth that I like. I will read what you wrote, but for now, my hands are shaky, and I need a break from the auto-erotic asphyxiation.
I appreciate your patience, and love that thing you do with your teeth."
MH

So, are you still convinced that midgets with paintballguns pancaked the towers? Take another ream of data, and call me in the morning....*clicks teeth rapidly

Oh, yes, and welcome to Wiki:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mycroft_Holmes#References_in_popular_culture

Well... I could tell you my name. I think my fiance would shoot me.

it's Nathan, wiki says so, it must be right.....OHHHH

Here's the one, a little bit ya'll should know about MH:
"MH:-With respect. I once told Rougy, so now I tell it to you-

"There are some key features that I believe are strong indicators of a bad argument or at least a losing one.

1) Personal Attacks

2) Comparisons to Totalitarian Regimes\Evil Dictators

3) Inventing Vocabulary

4) Non sequitur

5) Gross Extrapolation

Since I am the master of 3 and guilty of only two of these peeves, you must really dig me, huh???

WTF is gross enstrapilation??? Water sports??? Nah that can't be it, says in yer journal yer down with all shades and temps.of yellow....

The last roast of Choggie was like taking the Sift's main celebrity to task, so this one's kinda like pulling a splinter from our toe.

Taking a quick browse through his latest comments - they reek of futile stupidity, as he persists in promoting videos that can't be promoted - like a dumb little kid swinging and missing the goddamn baseball everytime even though it's just sitting there on the T. Hey! Those are all my videos! Keep your virtual boner to yourself, I'm not THAT awesome.

I think my fiance would shoot me.

That's the most interactive blow-up doll I've ever heard of.

Just going off his personal, interesting choice of beer, "Troegs Hopback," I think it's safe to assume Holmz thinks of himself as an avant-garde sort of unique individual. That is to say, he's a douchebag. Drink Bud Light like a normal person, not some emo loner. Nobody likes a guy who gets aroused at the thought of being an nonconformist.

Well, I'm looking forward to the next roast, when we take on somebody who matters, instead of digging deep into the sweaty, nether regions of the Sift.

Dear MycroftHomlz,

Please proceede to Wal-Mart to get back in touch with America.

Welcome to the Sift MycroftHomlz

Yeah, I know I kept on misreading siftbot's message, "video must be older than six months". It really is quite sad.

They did that because I kept using my saves on Aleyxis Tylor's vagina power posts......

Ok so, how many of you folks who wanted to be roasters have not showed yet??? Damn, MyCroft, yer a popular guy, or else folks don't really like a place where ad-hom is king, and ego is backed into a corner and beaten bloody.....their loss is your gain MH, youa re having fun aren't you????

Indeed...

Hey MG, what is my ellipsis count at?

Where are Issikitty, TheSnipe, Zifnab, Swampgirl, Dag, Lucky, Persephone, and little YouDieJoe... You all don't want to dance with the devil in the pale moon light.

I bet Lucky's working on a limerick.

Hmm...From what I can see...I think it's at...uh... ten... You're slackin'. What's the matter? Too busy being a nobody? Or is it the drag contests that's keeping you busy?

In my head... I think like Captain Kurk...

Some say that Mycroft is the kind of man who would crawl over his dying mother to fuck his sister......But I ain't gonna give him that much credit.

Couldn't we roast a more worthy member, like a spammer? (Check out who the loser is who commented on the spammer's member page. Beside the spammer, that is.)

Jesus H Christ, 47 comments about a nobody in 24 hours? Congratulations Mycrotch that almost makes you an internet star. Just post a video of yourself being hit in the balls with something hard to YouTube and the transformation will be complete.

In my head... I think I'm Captain Kurk...
Fixed that for ya.

so who's the closer.....one of you guys end this shit, it's getting painful-to all you folks who said you'd show up and dint, non-committal fucks, drop dead. To all who came, thanks, I hope this becomes a tradition, like cutting toenails at a resaturant....MyCroft, what a sport you were-still time for more spanking, but this thread is static......

I guess one has to face some realities in life.

I am a little surprised Rougy and Mink haven't layed into me... maybe they are still afraid I am a government agent.

Protips: Mycroft was actually the inspiration for this delicious sift.
http://www.videosift.com/video/A-21-Seconds-Sexy-Hot-ChickLadyWoman-Dance-Cartoon

Or maybe they just don't care.

I don't...

Aahh... the quintessential parasite... MycroftHomlz has exploited this roast to earn his gold star. A previous nobody... now he is the most important sifter on the site. And we've been duped, by a cross-dressing human-tomato hybrid with an IQ equal to his star points that can't even spell his own name.

I think that our next roast should be the most important member of all...

Siftbot

.........................


...mycroftholmz knows what i'm talkin' about yea boi!

why not dag next? or is his dick so far down everybody's throat nobody can tell the difference been the suggestion "dag" and an actual *gag*

........................................................ Yeah Baby, Yeah

Remember now newcomers, when you jump in your name goes into the hat too!

Also, when we are done with MycroftHomlz, he is given the opportunity to unload on the whole lot of us.

THE JESTER

Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)

I hate to be a party pooper, but can I *unsticky now?

Unstickying this post from the top of Sift Talk - unsticky requested by dag.

MycroftHomlz is the even-tempered normal nobody who adores his mother and is soon to be married. What on earth is he doing hanging out with the likes of us? Are we slipping? Even a little? Nannh . . .

In conducting my painstaking research, I discovered his affection for two other words “douche bag” or one “douchebag” – he used both forms. I’ll defer to others more qualified to discuss that area of science.

Apparently he also loves puns. As a preventative measure, I do request a “flag pun” link, please.

Alas, we’ve gone and created a monster that’ll be terrorizing us with his new gold powers. Hey SiftBot, do you remember where we keep the violin.

And don’t go breaking our SiftBot, he’s the only one we have . . . well at least that I know of . . .

MycroftHomlz, some of us might invite you to go have intercourse with yourself. But as for that steed you rode in on, we’ve beaten it to death.

Apparently your 900 seconds are up.

Merry Siftmas!

Thanks to everyone who participated , with the exception of those of you who contributed the scatological references, as a substitute for the creativity endowed to you by your parents, experience, or repressed psychological damage during a key imprint stage in your life, that being potty training.

KOMMIE, you have issues, which you should probably share with only your most intimate acquaintances, your teddy and your friends at poopchat.org

Thanks for contributing to my roast everybody. Good times, Good times. I am going to go through and thank everyone in reverse order, because you have to pick some sort of metric.

Dag: Sadly, your biggest contribution was to "Unsticky" this thread, and be a major buzz kill. From your sifts, it seems that is something you are naturally good at. I see you as a teenager, being the kid who told on his friends when they tried pot the first time. Kudos.

Fjnbk: Very clever. Making fun of my horrible spelling...Hello! Look at your name.

Rottenseed: I practically had to spoon feed you that. At least MG picked up on it quickly... Oh, I get it you are special needs. That was very funny rottenseed. Thank you.

JAPR: Your contributions impact can best be described by an interaction between W and Z bosons... go on, look it up.

Zeph: I imagine your name is derived from the greek god Zephyrus. No doubt, like your namesake, you, too are married to your sister.

CaptainWillard: If your thoughts were a ship they would be the Titanic. What exactly are you the captain of? I imagine it is just the name the dancers gave you some seedy strip club you frequent. Probably because you stink of dead fish and wear a captains hat. If I ever see you on the street I will be sure to give you some change.

kronosposeidon: Yeah, its true. She and I don't talk anymore.

Fedquip: The magnitude of your lameness can only be described as canadian.

Karaidl: No doubt that took you a half hour to write. Maybe you should try that beer, oh wait you can't drink yet. That is punishment itself.

Silvercord: I guess that makes us brothers.

Doc_M: Genetics is a lie. The world is only 4000 years old and Darwin recanted on his death bed. There. Hah. You are probably crying.

Darkrowan: Plagiarism... Are you Mix's parrot or something? Does she feed you crackers? Do you poop all over her floor?

MG: You did better than I expected for a military man, which is to equate you intellectually to a sea squirt...

Joedirt: That's funny when I went to you profile under Available it said 'No I am masterbating'.

Dotdude: I bet all the ladies call you The Jester... after the look at you naked.

Ok, so who is left. I have to get Choggie, Kommie, and Mix... My one liner tank is running low. Let's change it up and start with Mix.

Mix: Momma, is it true that silvercord is my brother?

Kommie: Somehow when all this started I knew someone was going to bring up something truly horrible, something outrageously terrible. Well I saw your 2girls1cup comment, I looked it up. You are a bad person. My question is this: How did you get your mom and your sister to do that?

Choggie: The best for last. You are like the wind in New Jersey, putrid, vitriol that reeks of the fetid and morose and covers your environs like a dark shadow from one of Anne Coulter's wet dreams.

Anne Coulter....you'd tap her-too skinny fer me....and mannish

Nice closer MH, like you were trying to race before the station breaker -
Another sucessful roast, better than the last, a bit more organized.......who's next???!!

> DAG ...it seems that is something you are naturally good at. I see you as teenager being the kid who told on his friends when they tried pot the first time....

bogart maybe but no snitch lol

Well, I have to give him crap for not participating.

Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)

Got to keep my distance - I enjoyed the roasting, but I'm afraid if I skewered you with my rapier wit - your psyche would not recover.

"I have a better one, which all have apparently failed to notice. I misspelled my name(Holmz not Homlz) when I first joined videosift... for a week I couldn't log in and I had no idea way."

So you're a living tribute to Johnny Wadd and you didn't even know it.

Don't knock physicists - they're some of the best damned floor sweepers at Los Alamos.

When they say "Hey, buddy, wanna computer?" You know you're getting good, quality, government surplus.

(better late than never - I would have posted sooner if they all weren't out to get me)

oh. and your mother dresses you funny.

And if I am not mistaken that will bring these festivities to a close, unless anyone else has something truly biting and horrible to say.

It was a really goot natured roast, and it was a pretty fun read. So let's recap:

Dag is a party pooper with "Raper" wit... I am not sure you should tell anyone about that.

Choggie still has the mutant power to make anyones eyes glaze over like yellow mustard gas with inane rambling about his latest fancy pants topic.

Karaidl... well you're just a big fat butterball.

Dotdude likes being fashionably late... as in 24 hours fashionably late. Must be hard to get re-invited to parties on New Years eh?

and last but not least MycroftHomlz... thanks for being a good sport, and thank you for your litte pathetic attempts at comebacks. It was like watching an 8 year-old with a bb-gun storming Normandy beach.

Now the question on everybody else's mind... is who's next?

I've started two discussion threads in ParodyTalk concerning the next roast which will most likely be in the new year. December 16th will be the cut off for these issues, so there is time to organize the next one. If there are other concerns please voice them in these threads or if necessary initiate another Parody Channel thread.

THE JESTER


Roast Crew List
http://parody.videosift.com/talk/Roast-Crew-List

Roast Survey
http://parody.videosift.com/talk/Roast-Survey