I have never seen quite such a perfect example of someone trying to be everything they're not. It's like he's read a whole bunch of women's self help how-to-find-your-soulmate books and written a script from it. This guy made my ladybits spontaneously close over

Gwiz...is that you?

My name is gwiz.
I'm looking for a supermodel with no opinions of her own, preferably with big fucking honkers and no self-esteem whatsoever. If you don't make friends easy that is much better, because you'll become attached to my student salary and extremely trimmed body. If we click, you'll probably be a millionaire and I'll grudgingly accept you paying my bills.

I also want to be a rocking superstar, but I don't really want to put in the work, so if you already have a musical career that would be great, because then I could K-fed all over it. I know you like dirty boys, so I haven't showered in 8 months, just for you, rawwr.

If you are interested, please send $50 in the mail to my address.

♥♥♥♥♥ XOXO
gwiz loves you.

P.S. $50.

Mental note: jokes about being a criminal psychopath and outlining your detailed sexual plans are always appropriate for a romantic first date!

If you're going to laugh at your own jokes, make sure they're funny first. It helps.

Haha, that gwiz is one funny fucker..

*bookmark so I can have a fervent template from which to consult when I am wooing younger women

I swear I thought it was arvana from the thumbnail.

I thought it *might* be a parody, until at 2:30, when he says, "...and you care for your precious body..." and subconsciously bites his lower lip, obviously thinking more than he was saying. Scary dude.

In "When Harry Met Sally," Billy Crystal calls that, "the white man's overbite."

Wow...he DOES live an exciting life. (He would do better to not rely on the telepromter so much.)

He's a gamer.... at 3:32 he says: I like to play Fallout

Damn, that gave me a shiver down my spine. Anyone else get a 'serial rapist' vibe?

wow... i swear ive met this man twice. once at a theme park when i was 16 and once at a random bar somewhere in the american southwest when i was 18. he tried to pee on me both times.

^ well... did you like it?

Some highlights with translations:

"My degree is in enginering...that speaks to my practical and analytical side."

But my FROSTED side speaks to the deliciousness that is me! TENNIS anyone?

"When I'm not being my integrated self, I'm wallowing in the muck of my own secret hell just like everybody else."

I'm wallowing in the muck of my own secret hell for all to see online.

"But my parole office says I'm mostly done with that now."

I killed my parole officer.

"I'm a man with a big heart."

It's in a jar in my refrigerator labeled PAROEL OFFCER.

"I'm seeking a connection on many levels..."

Such as intercoursal, sexual and copulatical.

"Yeah baby."

Austin Powers and I own a timeshare in the 1990s.

"If you identify as a very good girl, then we would probably not be a very good fit."

If your remains can be identified, you're too risky to keep as a trophy.

"I'm a bit of a bad boy."

My mom thinks I'm cool.

"If we click, I'll probably challenge you and surprise you sexually."

I'm uncircumcised.

"I'll marry you if you promise to take out a huge insurance policy on yourself."

haha, haven't we all thought that before.

OMFG that's disgusting and scary. *CREEPY. Oh wait, we have that. *Fear.

<shudder>

Adding video to channels (Fear) - requested by Krupo.

c'mon children. This is what the *terrible channel was made for!

Adding video to channels (Terrible) - requested by Trancecoach.

I can't get past 8 seconds

I have nothing witty to say thanks to being creeped the fuck out by my own dating video.

>> ^gwiz665:
^ well... did you like it?

i must have, i cant stop telling the story to random internet strangers.

Who will the lucky girl be?

All those smiles were footnoted on the script. But every single silence was a dead soul speaking.

creepy

>> ^alien_concept:
I have never seen quite such a perfect example of someone trying to be everything they're not. It's like he's read a whole bunch of women's self help how-to-find-your-soulmate books and written a script from it. This guy made my ladybits spontaneously close over



Oh my goodness.

Wait, hold on, stop...I take it all back. I want bigger government and the Thought Police.

This guy should go fuck his integrated self

They say 70% of people who try online dating find it a positive experience.


The rest are still missing.

BaDoom-Tish

Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag.(show it anyway)

This guy depresses the hell out of me.

My wife thinks he's cute.

This guy made my ladybits spontaneously close over


Mine too, and I'm a man.

It wasn't that bad but have to admit some of the lines made me cringe massively, and his smiles were massive forced and paedophiliaish.

WTF? Is this a circle jerk of upvotes or what ?
I can't believe Quantummushroom actually got more upvotes than he's seen in his entire VS career !
good going you witty mushroom.

Can you imagine the pain in the ass this guy would be in a relationship. Even the simplest act would involve reflection prior works, and an analytical critique of the unsuitability of your current emotional state. All the while attempting to foster a sense that just beneath the surface there is an ocean of gracious intellect and controlled pain, when in fact all that exists is social anxiety and a deep down confusion and jealously about how all the normal people have "fun".

Frying an egg would provoke unwanted travel stories (second hand) about how they fry eggs in other countries, detailed instruction on how to get the optimum heat dissipation throughout the pan, a lengthy essay on why he uses rice butter, not olive oil etc etc

Engineers...sheesh - I used to flat share with one.

At least my housie could drink.

i had to stop watching cause I was eating, i was about to puke.

What not to do.

I think he's killed, and will kill again.

I expected an alien to tear out of his mouth, 'Men in Black'-style.

I believe this is in fact Neil Patrick Harris's older brother who lives in Florida. It wouldn't be the first time that siblings of a gay brother have a hard time adapting emotionally. Combine that with famous, much younger sibling who gets all the attention, and you've got the molecular precursors of pure crazy.

*dead

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