So there's this florist, and one day he notices that his sales have seriously gone down. And he finds out that there's a group of friars in his town who are selling flowers to raise money for their church. So he goes to them, and he tells them that they're cutting into his business and his livelihood, and asks them to sell something else. They tell him to piss off. So he decides to hire a goon named Hue to scare them off -- and it works. They stop selling flowers, and his business goes back to how it was before.

The moral of this story? Only Hue can prevent florist friars.

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

A 70-year-old Texas Rancher got his hand caught in a gate while working cattle. He wrapped the hand in his bandana and drove his pickup to the doctor. While suturing the laceration, the doctor asked the old man about George W. Bush being in the White House.

The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'Post Turtle.'"

Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked what a Post Turtle was.

The old man looked at him and drawled, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a Post Turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain:

"You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor dumb bastard get down."

Two blonde roomates go to the petshop and come home with pet mice. Upon debating how to tell them appart one blonde suggests they cut off the tail of one of the mice. It seems like a great idea so they go ahead.

That night the mice are talking and one says to the other "wow, thats cool you don't have a tail." "I know!" "I wish I didnt have a tail." "Well you can, just chew yours off." So the mouse does.

The next day the blondes check on the mice and find neither of them have tails. So they decide to cut off the left front paw of one of the mice.

That night a similar conversation takes place between the mice adn in the morning the blondes find both of their mice three-legged with no tails.

This continues until one morning neither of the mice have any legs or tails. "This is getting ridiculous!" one of the blondes finially exclaims,

"I'll tell you what, you take the black one and I'll take the white one."

I've told this joke before, but let's hear shit like this:

Michael is sitting in a chair at his barbershop. Worried about his receding hairline, he confides in his barber about what he could possibly do to fix the problem. Hearing his case, the patron in the chair beside Michael leans over and whispers to him "I couldn't help but overhear your problem. I've found that pussy juice always works for me." "But you're balder than I am!" replies Michael, to which the man responds "Yea, but you've got to admit, I've got one hell of a mustache!"

now joke you lacking siftwats

Little Johnny comes home from school one day and asks "Mommy, where do babies come from?"

His Mother replies "A little stork brings them."

"Who Fucked the Stork?"

Why did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go home and do her essay.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? A Quarter-Pounder with Cheese.

How did the redneck mom know when her daughter was having her period? Her son's dick tasted funny.

mumble, mumble, mumble...

The Aristocrats!

[edit: I can't believe someone voted for this]

Anyone who thinks blankfist made a racist joke, I should probably tell you that he disagrees with liberal policies.

That means you should apologize to him immediately for ever doubting his respect for all races.

Why is going to Starbucks for coffee like going to prison for sex?

You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough.

ref: Adam Hills, Edinburgh Festival 2009.

>> ^NetRunner:
Anyone who thinks blankfist made a racist joke, I should probably tell you that he disagrees with liberal policies.
That means you should apologize to him immediately for ever doubting his respect for all races.


I doubt you will win any promotes with joke material like that. Let's pick up the comedy, there snappy.

One morning 3 Alabama good old boys and 3 Yankees were in a ticket line at the Birmingham train station heading to Atlanta for a big football game. The 3 Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the 3 Southerners
bought just one ticket among them.

"How are the 3 of you going to travel on one 1 ticket?" asked one of the Yankees.

"Watch and learn" answered one of the boys from the South.

When the 6 travelers boarded the train, the 3 Yankees sat down, but the 3 Southerners crammed into a bathroom together and closed the door. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets. He knocked on the bathroom door and said, "tickets please." The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand.

The Conductor took it and moved on.

The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea. Indeed, so clever that they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money. That evening after the game when they got to the Atlanta train station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip while to their astonishment the 3 Southerners didn't buy a single ticket!

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the perplexed Yankees.

"Watch and learn", answered one of the Southern boys.

When they boarded the train the 3 Northerners crammed themselves into a bathroom and the 3 Southerners crammed themselves into the other bathroom across from it.

Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their bathroom and walked quietly over to the Yankee's bathroom. He knocked on the door and said "ticket please"!

A baby skunk and a baby porcupine meet in the woods and get to talking. "I live over by the log," the baby porcupine says, "and I'm a....uh. Well I don't know what I am." "Really?? I don't know what I am either!" says the baby skunk. "I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what you are, if you tell me what I am," the baby porcupine says. "Ok! You go first."

The baby skunk looks over the baby porcupine and says, "Well, you're kind of small, and you waddle around, and you've got long spiky hairs...you must be a porcupine!"

"Wow!"

"Ok, me! Me!" cries the baby skunk.

The baby porcupine looks at the baby skunk. "Well, you're not all black, and you're not all white, and you smell like shit...you must be a Mexican!"

Two fleas are traveling across Europe and run into each other. They get to talking about their mode of travel. The first flea says, "Oh I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I hide in a biker's mustache. It's cold, the wind is always blowing. It's miserable!"

"No, no, no. That's not the way you do it!" the second fleas says. "Here's what you do. You hop into a ladies restroom and hide in a toilet. Then, when a lady sits down, you hop up and you get a nice, warm ride all the way to where you're going!"

"Huh! I'll have to try that..." the first flea responds.

Months later, the fleas bump into each other again, this time in America. "Hey! How are you!" the second flea says. "Did you do what I said?"

"Yeah," the first flea says, dejectedly.

"What? What's the matter?" questions the second flea.

"Well, I did like you said."
"Yeah?"
"I jumped into the toilet, and waited around, and sure enough, a lady came in and sat down. So I hopped up and sure enough, you were right. Nice and warm. But then I fell asleep and when I woke up, I was in a biker's mustache again."

A rather forlorn man climbs to the top of the Empire State building, intent on committing suicide. He gets to the top, and begins to climb over the fence. Just then two suited men walk up to him.

"Excuse me, sir. What are you doing?" the first suited man asks.

"Well," the guy says. "I just found out my wife is cheating on me, I just lost my job, and the bank is coming after me for my mortgage. So I'm going to end it all!"

"Well, I'm sorry to inform you but we are from the Suicide Prevention squad and we just installed these giant, electric fans at the base of the building. So unfortunately, you won't be able to kill yourself."

"What?" the guys says. "I didn't see any fans."

"Here, sir. I'll show you." The first suited man suddenly flings himself over the fence, falls about halfway and is suddenly blown back up to the top of the building.

"Wow!" the guy says. "That looks like fun! Hey let me try!" The guy then throws himself off the edge of the building. The resounding crunch of caved-in car echoes up the between the buildings.

The second suited man looks to the first and says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

AN ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION


'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father.. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew,
and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads

A mother of 2 is cooking a stew dinner for her family when she accidentally knocks a carton of BBs into the pot. Cursing to herself, she picks as many of them as she can find out and, confident she got them all, continues cooking.

After dinner, the family having eaten the entire pot of stew, her oldest son runs up to her looking distraught. "What's wrong?", she asks.

"I was just in the bathroom and I think I must have passed a stone!"

"No, it's nothing to worry about. I knocked over your carton of BBs when I was cooking and some of them fell into the stew. You should really be more responsible with your things."

An hour later, her youngest son comes running through the house in a panic.

"Mommy! Mommy! I was peeing and a bullet came out!"

She assures him that it's ok and explains that she spilled BBs into the stew.

Later still, after the kids are in bed, her husband approaches her with a somber look on his face and says, "Honey, I don't know how to tell you this... I'm not even sure what happened..."

"It's alright, dear. Did you pass a BB in the bathroom, too? I spilled some into the stew earlier."

"Uh, no. I farted and shot the cat."

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree ?

.....because it was dead.




Why did the baby fall out of the tree ?

...because it was stapled to the monkey.

Whats brown and sticky?

(SPOILER ALERT)

A stick.

So this lady had three daughters. The first came up to her and asked in the sweetest, cutest voice possible "Why is my name Petal mommy?"

"Well, when you were born a rose petal fell from the sky and landed on your head. So we decided to call you Petal."

"Thanks Mommy."

The second daughter came up to her and asked "Mommy, why is my name Feather?"

"Well, when you were born a feather fell down from the sky and landed on your head. So we decided to call you Feather."

The Third daughter came up to her mom and said "wWaaaarghhhGHHHNppppoooooobbbbtTUUUP!!!!"

"Wait your turn Refridgerator!" said the mother.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

(SPOILER ALERT)

A stick.

-------------------------------------------
Little boy walks into a whore house dragging a dead flat frog on a leash behind him. He walks up to the Mistress who's eying him curiously, "Uhm.. yes little boy? Can I help you?". The boy looks up and replies, "I want a lady right now, and she better have active herpes.".

"WHAT? I think you better just leave..", to this the boy slams a large set of bills down on the counter in front of him. The lady shrugs noticing the considerable amount of money before her, "Alright, one dirty whore coming up.". With that she sends the boy upstairs.

Later the boy comes walking down the stairs looking rather relieved and begins heading for the door. The lady pipes up, "Kid.. come over here. Now, I can understand wanting to come into this establishment looking for your first time, but.. why on god's earth where you looking to catch disease?".

"Well", the boy replied, "now that I've caught herpes I'm gonna go home back to the baby sitter and she'll catch herpes.". The lady blinks, "W-what?". The boy's eyes narrow looking somewhat perturbed at having to explain further, "Later, my parents will come back and my dad will drive the baby sitter home, and then he'll have herpes.". Once again the lady is shocked at what she's hearing. "By morning my mom will have herpes.", the boy continued. "B-but why? Why would you?", the boy shook his head, "After dad goes to work the mailman will come and that's the son of a bitch who ran over my frog!".

A guy is stranded on a deserted island with only a sheep and a dog for company. He has a huge libido, and after a couple of days, he gets so horny he is almost delirious. To relieve himself of his agony, he tries to engage the sheep in intercourse. But his efforts are thwarted by the dog, who protects the sheep by pushing him away. He tries again the next day and the day after that, but the dog is always there to stop him.

A week later, he suddenly hears screams for help from the ocean. A woman is struggling to stay afloat about 50 meters from the shore, entangled as she is in the remains of an old fishing net. He quickly jumps in the water, swims out, cuts her loose with his pocket knife, and pulls her in to the shore. Her clothes are in tatters, leaving her almost completely naked, and she is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. "Oh thank you, you have saved my life!", she exclaims. "I'll do anything for you in return!".

"Great!", he answers. "Could you hold the dog, please?"

A woman is shopping in the local supermarket. She loads her basket with some single-serving yogourts, frozen mini pizzas, a single apple and a small box of cookies.

As she unloads her items at the cash register to pay, a man standing behind her in line watches her place the items on the belt and states with assurance, "You must be single."

The woman says, "That's right. How on Earth did you know?"

He replies, "Because you're fucking ugly."

-redacted-

http://www.videosift.com/video/Old-Jews-Telling-Jokes-Broccoli

>> ^therealblankman:
-redacted-


HAHAHAHA! We have a winner!!!!

A mathematician, an engineer and a priest are on an airplane, and the pilot announces the plane is going down, and unfortunately there is only a parachute for him. The pilot jumps out and leaves the three passengers to their own devices.

At first, they are of course shocked and at a loss for solutions to their problems. The engineer decides staying in the plane is suicide, so he does a few quick calculations in his head and jumps out. Mid-air, he manages to adjust his clothes just so into an airfoil of sorts, and slows his descent to the ground enough to survive.

In the meantime, the priest decides to put his faith in God, and also jumps out, all the time praying. Miraculously, he lands in a haystack and survives.

The engineer and the priest, having found each other on the ground, watch the plane on its way down, and see the mathematician jump out as well. He just falls down unceremoniously, and crashes violently into the ground. Horrified, the two rush to where they saw the mathematician hit the ground, approaching with trepidation. As they arrive at the site, they are extremely surprised to find the mathematician dusting off his clothes, completely unharmed. "How on Earth did you survive that?", they ask.

"Induction", replies the mathematician.

So, rottenseed was doinking NetRunner in the bum when NetRunner reached back and started tugging on RS's balls. Rottenseed looked at NetRunner, appalled, and said, "What are you? Gay?"

A Priest, Rabbi and Muslim Cleric are on their way to a religious summit in Jerusalem when their plane crashes in the desert. With no water or means of communication, they realize that their chances of survival are pretty much nil, so the the Priest suggests that they all pray to their respective gods for salvation, and in the process finally discover which faith is true. They all die.

What's orange and sticky?

(SPOILER ALERT)

An orange.

Little Johnny comes home from school one day and tells his mom that he had sex with his teacher. Mom is furious and says there will be serious punishment when dad gets home. When dad finally does get home, it turns out that he is not angry at his son. Quite to the contrary, he is proud of his boy for getting some nookie, and decides to drive his son down to the store to get him a new bicycle. After buying the bike, dad says, "Hey, why don't you ride home on your new bike?", to which the son replies, "I would, but my ass is still sore from the sex".

What's brown and sticky?

(SPOILER ALERT)

Your mom after a night with me.

A priest is out hiking in the mountains one day and slips and falls off the edge of a steep cliff. He manages to grab a craggy tree root sticking out of the side of the cliff, saving him from certain death. "Help! Help! Help!" he yells, when suddenly a booming disembodied voice proclaims, "Let go of the root my son. I will protect you". The priest responds, "Is there anyone else up there? I'd like a second opinion."

There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, over which the kingdoms had been fighting for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island.

The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight. The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second kingdom had twenty knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle.

At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor.

When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in).
The battle raged, and when the dust had cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms, thus proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)

A man walks into a Psychiatrist's office naked and wrapped from head to toe in plastic wrap.

The Psychiatrist looks at the man and says "Clearly, I can see your nuts."

(works much better spoken as it all hinges on the "your", "you're" homonym)

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.
Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?"
Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Dog: "Doin' all right"
Villager: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Villager: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Villager: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Villager: "The sheep's a liar"

There were three guys trying out for the CIA. All of them were in one room with the Director and outside this one room were three smaller rooms that the men had seen on their way in. The Director stands up to talk to the men and says, 'The CIA is a very select group. You have passed all of your other tests, but there is one final test you must pass before you can come work for me. Did any of you see the three rooms outside this room on your way in?' The three men nod. 'Inside each room are your wives. The final test you must pass before you will be allowed to join the CIA is one of devotion and loyalty. One by one I want you men to go into the rooms your wife is in and I want you to kill your wife.'

"The Director picks one of the men and tells him that his wife is in the room with the big roman numeral I on it. He nods silently and takes the gun from the Director and walks out. A few minutes later, he comes back in and hands the gun to the Director. 'I can't do it,' he says. 'She was my high school sweetheart and I cannot kill her, no matter what.'

"The Director tells him to leave and never come back. He hands the gun to the second man, who takes it and walks to the room with the roman numeral II on it, as he is told. A few minutes later he returns and is in tears. 'Mr. Director, I am sorry, but I can not do what you ask. As much as I want to work for the CIA, I cannot kill my wife. She is my sole support and I need her.'

"He tells the man to be gone and hands the gun to the third man. After telling him that he could be his deputy director if he accomplishes the task, the man nods and leaves the room. Shortly after the Director hears the door with the roman numeral III shut, he hears the gunfire. Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam. And then there is silence for a few seconds. Immediately following the silence, he hears a loud commotion and some screaming. He hears what he thinks is furniture being overturned and items being broken, but he does not want to interrupt. This goes on for ten minutes and then the noise dies out completely, interrupted by silence. After a minute of silence, the man emerges and the Director asks him what the hell was going on in there. The man said, 'You mistakenly put blanks in the gun, so I had to strangle the *****.'"

*accidental duplicate*

This one I got by googling "best joke":
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,

Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.


But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.

“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

DUNG!

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

-

I was walking across a bridge one day and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said,

"Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
"Well, there is so much to live for."
"Like what?"
"Well, are you religious?"
He said yes.
I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow, me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915."
I said, "Die, heretic," and pushed him off.

-

A man is sitting in his easy chair reading the paper, when his eldest daughter, age 9, runs up to him and says "Daddy, Daddy! Why is my name Rose?"

He replies, "Well, honey, when you were born, we couldn't decide on a name, but just then, a rose petal floated into the room and landed right on your forehead, and that's why we named you Rose."

Just then, his middle daughter, age 7, runs up and says "Daddy, Daddy! Why is my name Snowflake?"

He replies, "Well, honey, when you were born, we couldn't decide on a name, but just then, a snowflake floated into the room and landed right on your forehead, and that's why we named you Snowflake."

Then, his youngest daughter runs up and says "NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNGH"

And he says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

Statistically speaking, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

When's a door not a door?

When it's ajar.


When's a car not a car?

When it turns into a driveway.

You have a crab, a cat fish, a lobster and a dead chinese guy who's been run over by a truck.

...which one doesn't belong?







The cat fish, the rest are crushed-asians.

What's the difference between a bag of dead babies and a new Cadillac?

I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.

ooooooooooook ok ok...i'm gonna do 9 because i got an extra power point...i tried to get all of you, but some may be left out. I had to look at who posted the joke first and which made me laugh more.

Very good stuff people!!!

Tarzan and Jane have been hanging out for a while now, and Jane is getting frustrated that Tarzan hasn't put the moves on her yet. She asks him: "Tarzan, do you ever have.... needs?"

"Needs?" asks Tarzan.

"Yes, you know, like... urges... down there?"

"Ah! Yes," Tarzan says, "Tarzan use hole in tree."

"Well, Tarzan," Jane says coyly, "I'm much softer than a tree. I'd like you to do everything to me that you do to the tree!"

"OK," says Tarzan, and gives her a massive kick in the crotch.

Jane screams and writhes in agony for a long time. When she can finally speak again, she asks, "Tarzan, what did you do that for?"

Tarzan says, "Tarzan check for bees."

What has six legs and two arms?

A rottweiler with a baby in it's mouth.

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?

You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitch fork.



(this thread might never die unless measures are taken)

AUDITIONS ARE CLOSED I TELLS YA...CLOOOOOOOOSED!

Good! Dead baby jokes are terrible.

Anyone here like fishsticks?

How do you tell the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? Taste.

>> ^EndAll:
Good! Dead baby jokes are terrible.

Well if it's any consolation, the babies aren't dead when the joke starts

Two peanuts walk down the road.

One is assaulted.

A biologist travels to the far north to conduct a land-survey of the effects of climate change on Arctic ecosystems. He hires a local Inuit guide to take him out onto the tundra, and they set off on a dogteam.

After a few hours, they stop to have some tea and warm up. The biologist walks over to the nearest hilltop to get a better look at the scenery. He is completely lost, and asks the Inuit guide to come up to the hilltop to show him some landmarks. As the guide gets up there, he sees a Polar Bear not 30 feet from them on the other side of the hill. He pulls out a Swiss Army Knife, and tells the biologist to slowly back away towards the dogteam, and not to panic.

They retreat to safety, and travel for another hour before stopping for some tea. The biologist turns to the guide and says "You only had a Swiss Army Knife back there. Could you really kill the Polar Bear with it?"

The Inuit guide laughs and responds "No, I wouldn't have killed it if it attacked. All I'd have to do is stab you in the leg."