How in the world did you beat me to this by 18 seconds?

Curses, foiled again! ...stay tuned for next week when I forget about ZP all over again.

He couldn't be more right about Eve. I played it in beta then came back after a spell and still can't find the fun. It really is a challenge to learn all the ins and outs of the skill system etc, but you continuously come head first into the unavoidable feeling that you should be getting payed for figuring it all out. The fun always seems a short step away.

Edit: Guys ^ ^ ^ quit fighting over the guaranteed high vote getter. It's cheesy.

Stupid Yahtzee.

Signature Analysis and Signature Focusing OBVIOUSLY refer to operating targeting systems at 5% improved targeting speed per skill level and advanced understanding of target painting technology with 5% bonus to target painter modules' signature radius multiplier per skill level respectively. It's implied in the name of the skill, DUMBASS. srsly.

The last line is both damning and lol-y

This is my new favourite ZP review. "Nerds who are to Nerds as Nerds are to Normal People" hilarious!

Hey now! I play EVE and I'm quite offended by this...

PS: No wonder he thinks the game sucks, he doesn't have premium graphics enabled!

Hatred of something he can't handle ...
Too bad for this guy that his brain is more occupied to criticize stuff than thinking a bit. It's surprising that he's still thinking to breathe.

Jeez, we got some angry replies here. I was actually thinking he was spot on to my own experience with the game.

I tried EVE and I couldn't agree with him more. It was the most sterile, boring, non-game I'd ever played.

People say it's wide open and you have free exploration? BS. You have the chance go stumble upon an infinite number of sterile, computer generated rock fields.

I like the idea of players being able to build persistent structures, though.

But EVE is probably the most unforgiving MMO out there, which is part of what makes it unique. You can quite literally lose everything you own if you keep making mistakes. Players in EVE can do things with no consequence that would normally earn them a GM report for grief tactics in other games.

If you find mining boring, then don't mine. Go make some other players lives miserable, not that I'm condoning piracy.

>> ^thinker247:
How in the world did you beat me to this by 18 seconds?


You type too damn slow?

He nailed Eve perfectly. I tried to get into it.. I really did. Twice over the years. Sure looks pretty. Interesting concept. But boring as heck.

Hatred of something he can't handle ...
Too bad for this guy that his brain is more occupied to criticize stuff than thinking a bit. It's surprising that he's still thinking to breathe.

Wow, nice comment. I assume since so many of us sifties basically parrot his opinion, you're surprised we can still breathe too. At least you're not just an angry fanboy, trying to bear his angry yellow fanboy teeth at someone who doesn't like their precious virtual world.

Oh, I played the Eve trial and it was shit, and I breathe just fine, thanks. Then again, that's just my opinion, I was under the impression we were allowed opinions.

I guess it's too bad for you guy, that your "brain is more occupied to criticize stuff than thinking a bit," to reuse your English abortion.

I have to agree about aliens in EVE. I would have tried it if it weren't just humans, humans and particularly fugly humans.

this is the best one yet.

and I totally agree about EVE online.. tried, it for a bit, and was bored.. then it kept telling me to go out in the great vastness of space and make friends (as it was the only real way to achieve anything)
excuse me, I don't play games online to make friends - I have a real life for things like that.. I may be a geek but I just want to fucking play a game - not make friends and socialise... otherwise I'd turn off the computer and go down the pub!

Totaly right and totally wrong.

It is boring boring boring if you play missions for 14 days and expect that to be it. The skills are so many that you dont know where to begin. The character creation thing is truly pointless.

But the rewards are so massive compare to what other games offer. It takes way longer than 14 days to get into the game and belive it or not, the game is built for those people who spend most of their waking hours running a corp. Its those people that make the game awsome!

Glad I ditched that crack years ago. Still the only real mmorpg game released since Ultima Online.

Takes more then 14 days to get into it. But am not surprised he didn't like it.

I've never been much interested in other MMOPRGs. I have my hands full with this one.

I never play mmo's but Eve had a free trial once, and I've never been so bored in my life. it was absolutely the most boring things I've ever done, and I sat through the entire Pearl Harbour movie that has Ben Affleck in it.

Couldnt agree more, so tedious and with such a huge learning curve its designed to weed out the nerds who havent achieved the 8th dan of anality. Although I would add, if youre simulating flying around in the ultimate 3 dimensional space using point and click is like mastrubating over a completely naked and willing jessica alba.

Damn My sarcasm wasn't obvious enough *cough* *cough*
(perhaps Yahtzee forgot to mention that EvE players are the more aggressive/fanboyish players ever seen on the internet )

Just for reminder, i've posted this some month ago : http://www.videosift.com/video/EvE-Online-from-a-newbies-point-of-view

>> ^mizila:

Wow, nice comment. I assume since so many of us sifties basically parrot his opinion, you're surprised we can still breathe too. At least you're not just an angry fanboy, trying to bear his angry yellow fanboy teeth at someone who doesn't like their precious virtual world.
Oh, I played the Eve trial and it was shit, and I breathe just fine, thanks. Then again, that's just my opinion, I was under the impression we were allowed opinions.
I guess it's too bad for you guy, that your "brain is more occupied to criticize stuff than thinking a bit," to reuse your English abortion.

BTW, my ship is bigger than yours ...

Great review. It felt very short, but there's not much to say about EVE. It makes space look very pretty, its interface looks like it was designed by ex-Microsoft Excel programmers, and its boring as fuck. After all this time, why hasn't someone put out a half-decent space MMORPG?

Ha ha ha - sparkle dragons and nerds. The flying troll thingie is funny. And "they advertise on the Escapist, which I interpret as a challenge" part is great.

Is it just me, or is the video in the promo video after his review WAY BETTER than his official theme song?

Then again, most things are.

If you want a MMO that isn't like all the others, play Ultima Online ten years ago. That's the entire list, because everything after Ultima Online ten years ago was EverQuest or an EverQuest clone.

>> ^gorillaman:
If you want a MMO that isn't like all the others, play Ultima Online ten years ago. That's the entire list, because everything after Ultima Online ten years ago was EverQuest or an EverQuest clone.


I would say World of Warcraft made substantial improvements over Everquest, because WoW doesn't feel like a second job. Unfortunately WoW was the last real evolution of the MMO and everything else is just been a copy (or a copy of a previous evolution, which really means they are working in reverse.) Granted other games have come up with improvements to WoW's systems, but even those get adopted by WoW and all its clones in their next content patches. Really the only difference is genre, and unfortunately everyone is obsessed with fantasy MMOs.

Now if we could only get a good cyberpunk WoW I'd be sold. I hear FASA has the Shadowrun prooperty back...

shadowrun mmo... those two words together create too many happy feelings inside me it wasnt that long ago since i played a shadowrun moo.

i wish they would make s.t.a.l.k.e.r. into an mmorgp

That skill list alone makes me want to play.

*blam* what was that? Oh, that's just yahtzee hitting the nail on the head.

Am I the only person in the world who cannot view the videos from this site?? It is annoying as heck and I can't figure it out. I've tried IE, Firefox, and Google's monstrosityOfABrouser and no dice. HLP PLZ!

I think this graph shows the main problem some people have with Eve Online.

http://upload.0x1011.org/files/LearningCurve.jpg

^ Your graph leaves out the Zombie Nazi Pillboxes and frickin sharks with frickin lasers on their heads.

I took a Women in Media class and this game was featured for one of the lectures. It was odd, the teacher suggested the game had a massive female player base, which left me totally baffled. It just seems so unlikely. It's sci-fi. There are no people in the game, just lifeless machines. Not a single woman in the classroom had even heard of the game, and none had played it. I think she got her statistics mixed up or something. She must've meant WoW or Second Life or something.

Anyway... for the space MMO we've all been waiting for, I think Jumpgate Evolution is where to look. Joystick-centric gameplay with plenty of sweet Star Wars style action. Yum!

Hilarious as usual. And although I'm embarrassed to say I have a char in Eve for years now, I can't seem to bother to play any more for exactly the reasons you list. I have made the same comment about a second job that you need to pay for.

Power to ya and keep up the good work.

EVE is not space... is a damn chatbox. I find most strange the fact that everyone that lists EVE qualities says it grants you freedom. I played it for 4 days and the missions are already repeating. Where is the damn freedom? In the huge market where you can buy, like I did, with half of my money, some Republic Fleet Nuclear AMMO that I found lately it was useless. Because the huge item and skill list does not come with a fucking tutorial. Even the most small of companies Paradox Entertainment found out that you cannot release a complicated game without a bloody tutorial. But the average EVE player is too intelligent, they don't need instructions on how to play the game. Most EVE players blame WOW, calling it infantile. Well, grinding in WOW is fun. There are damn coloured flying monkeys, and the colours are pretty. Not a damn brown asteroid. Even the absolutely lack-of-interface Hearts of Iron is more fun. Because it has GAMEPLAY. Gameplay in EVE is non/existent. And it needs 5 GB of hard disk space in order to do what a usual browser game does. Chatting.

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