*orders drinks...(flanked by 7 Japanese girls aged 17-45, in period costume)

Did any of you check out this response on the questionnaire:

28. Who is your favorite Sift Hero?
Hero? Dag and lucky, the champions of the sift.

Well it looks like blankfist isn't the only member of the ninth faction. Do you prefer jelly or syrup?
Either way, it's gonna get pretty *sticky around here.

Stickying this post at the top of Sift Talk - sticky requested by kronosposeidon.

Oh, and Kirk Hammett called. He wants his hair back.

Michael Bolton?

more like a blackpearl mullet, Goldilocks with a fake passport and a Walgreens bottle freshen-up-that pasty skin is the mark of a homebody.......parent's home,adult's body.....

Hey Snipe, wearing an Anime shirt doesn't make you Japanese. Stop pretending to be worldly. You're a dirty musician living out of your mom's basement in Jersey and jerking off to cartoon pictures of Kagome Higurashi. The Pope has had sex with more real women in his life than you. And what's with this "part time" bullshit? Who over the age of nineteen works part time? Put down the Thai Sticks and get a real job, hippie.

But, I admit, being an EMT is a perfect job for you. Where else could you get paid to give unconscious men mouth-to-mouth? Hell, you dropped half a year's salary at the last D&D convention paying Solvrick The Warlock to fill your magical chalise using a size modifier on his sorcerer's septor, if you get me. All I'm saying is you didn't don your "cloak of resistance" that day.

Well, I don't think there's much to be said about TheSnipe. Not that there's a lack of information, but it's just that no one wants to take the time to craft any witty joke about a loser from jersey. I mean, no one really gives a shit about these types. And hey, TheSnipe? Shut up about that damn hair of yours. No one likes it, ESPECIALLY the women.

>> ^kronosposeidon:
Well it looks like blankfist isn't the only member of the ninth faction.


I see you're still flirting with me, Kromo.

*sits back and has a drink* keep it coming I've been laughing my ass off. Now, to sing some Michael Bolton....

Of course in keeping with tradition it would have to be karaoke, and where are my damn fangirls?

*cue fan dancers

http://www.videosift.com/video/Beck-Hell-Yes

hair? check
jersey? check
camaro? I'm sure of it. The Mullet Hunter is stalking you, snipe.

11. Are you a tits, ass, or legs man?
  Face really,

translation: I'll fuck anything that moves.

24. What is your favorite memory?
  Let's call it college experimentation.

translation: Confirmation of above.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIBuH0Tj220
and this coming highly recommended from the musty bedroom lair.....

I think you're all making fun of his hair because it's pretty. I detect the jealousy. Well don't even think about it, because we're getting gay married.

someone said there was going to be a salad bar here. who the fuck is thesnipe?

thesnipe's photos made me think of Tiny Tim.

http://www.videosift.com/video/Tiny-Tim-Tiptoe-Through-the-Tulips-Laugh-In-classic

Anyone got a spare ukulele?

(wikipedia reads): A Snipe is any of nearly 20 very not similar wading bird species. They are characterized by a very long slender bill and cryptic plumage. The Gallinago snipes have a nearly worldwide distribution, the Lymnocryptes Jack Snipe is restricted to Asia and Europe and the Coenocorypha snipes are restricted to New Zealand. The three species of painted snipe are not closely related to these, (end quote)

I'd like to lecture more one of the rarest and most uncommon of Snipes. The Videosift Snipe. It too has a long slender bill, also called a nose. And cryptic markings all over that we shall call feces.

The snipe can be found in the New Jersey area of North America, being attracted to loud, obnoxious, unintelligible dialects of the English language that are spoken frequently in the area.

It also spends a lot of time on Videosift often pecking at other members and puffing itself up to make it look more imposing.

Spotting the Videosift Snipe is not as difficult as one may be lead to believe from experiences at summer camp. Rather it is quite simple. The Snipe has a fatal attraction to Hanna Montana concerts and can usually be found waiting in line for tickets. Beating up a mother of 4 for tickets. Or front and center at the concert singing very song loudly.

-Excerpt from "The Complete Guide to Snipe Hunting" Vol.4 pg.145

^don't forget, wikipedia also says that it's a relative of the woodcock, a number of which are now extinct. i kid you not.

thank you, muppet castaway-Next up, more poop and proximity to land-fill jokes, and a commercial-

*cue commercial

http://www.videosift.com/video/Herbal-Elements-Shampoo-Makes-men-act-like-men

>> ^choggie:
thank you, muppet castaway-Next up, more poop and proximity to land-fill jokes, and a commercial-

actually, choggie, jersey found a solution to their landfill issues.

this comment was brought to you by Carl's Jr.
and, of course, snipe's favorite beverage.

and now for your listening annoyment, some-tin fresh an'live from de swaety basement, of dem snip-lair inna dem steate a dema gardens...of empty pop cans an frito-lay wrappah!!


mms://68.38.37.77:7007

plug dat enna dem address bar mon, an choke on dem......

^that means I'm streaming some techno for tonight's enjoyment

well I fer one think it's flat-out rockin', like yer perty hair!!!!!

'Spotted these on a blog tonight. I just couldn't resist.

http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n310/Keboch/dog-hair.jpg

From: The VideoSift community
To: TheSnipe
Subj: ASSIGNMENT TO JOWLING DUTY

Ref: (a) VSO P1050.3H (b) Title 3 V. S. C., Section 542


1. Per the Provisions of reference (a), effective 0200, 5 April 2008 you are to report for TAD to http://www.jowlers.com NLT 1400, 5 April 2008.

2. While on duty at this assigned location, you are to participate in the activities as described by said location's administrators.

3. Per reference (b), after completion of your TAD duties, you will report back to VideoSift with your records of assigned tasks for communal review.


M. GUNROCK
By Direction

You only need to read three words from his survey to know the kind of depraved person the Snipe is - "I love anime"

I can only imagine the disgusting acts he gets up to at those absurd conventions those types go to. The evidence is right here in this photo of him with his latest girlfriend after a long session. That's not a goatee, it's pubic hair stuck to his chin with you know what from all the BJs given to pathetic man-children obsessed with pokemon while dressed in his Sailor Moon costume.

More evidence? He posted this image to his blog without a second thought. First off, it's an anthropomorphised Wii console which is bad enough. But if you can stomach looking in closer detail, you can see that someone has actually drawn the Wii's pudenda. They have done this and thought "I am proud of my work and want to share it with the public on the internet". The Snipe has obviously agreed with this pervert and subjected the entire Sift community with this horrific creation. I can just see the Snipe rubbing himself raw on what he believes to be his Wii's Mons Veneris, the sick sick bastard.

*cue music interlude

http://www.videosift.com/video/The-Vapors-Turning-Japanese

>> ^CaptWillard:
I think you're all making fun of his hair because it's pretty. I detect the jealousy. Well don't even think about it, because we're getting gay married.


Your bride awaits...

http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/4328/snipebrideyc5.jpg

Seriously, Don't pick on the Jerz. Did you hear they were going to officially change the state motto to "Nothing to be Ashamed of"?

>> ^schmawy:
Seriously, Don't pick on the Jerz. Did you hear they were going to officially change the state motto to "Nothing to be Ashamed of"


Well, it's a step up from "Nation's smelliest state"

^Last year, they changed it from "New York's Dirty Basement" to "The Adequate Enough State". I think they need some lessons on how to upsell.

Oh, and I'm sorry to dissapoint everyone here, but TheSnipe is already taken.

Let's keep jersey out of this...just like Jersey surely keeps him out of its local nightclubs. Seriously, the hair, is a step up from the traditional guido "steez" indicative of the natives. I don't know if I can roast thesnipe, anything I would say that comes as obvious to me is sad. It'd be like making fun of a retarded child.

That beings said, I do make fun of retarded children, so why the hell not thesnipe. I mean he brings it upon himself. He knows damn well what that rat's nest awkwardly draped over his head looks like. Although, I do appreciate the look he's going for. I mean, you've GOT to give it the guy. He's stickin' firm to his "grunge" roots. And he's a smart man, the style WILL come back eventually. And until then, he'll continue to like the "outdoors"...because when he's hiking in the secluded woods looking like that, the emotion he inspires in others is fear rather than laughter.

He's just a man and his Anime is all.

Mullet... goatee... anime... Ubuntu user... overdue on laundry... good god, man. I'm pretty sure I'd never want to be standing downwind from you.

I am surprised no one has pointed out that sorry excuse for hair, which vaguely reminds me of a giant sea sponge.

To add fuel to fire, this kid told me once he wanted to be a physicist. Do what you will with that one.

I even tried to hook him up with a research position with a hot shot scientist ...me... bastard gave me the stiff arm.

^bastard gave you the stiff what?

Oh yes the hair subject has taken off, Tina Turner had it all, I figure I have a few months till I can pull that one off though.

Awesome photoshops, everyone. Possibly a little arousing too. Especially the sasquatch.
I think thesnipe took the day off just to "enjoy" the pictures.

You are so clearly a stoner it isn't even worth commenting.

It is worth commenting that you are a shameless vote whore.

My apologies for not joining the party and for my general absence around the site lately, but I've got a ton of work this week and next week. So, briefly, fuck everyone here. Snipe you are a fucking anime-hentei-otaku-loving, nerd-queer-bastard-son-of-a-thousand-maniacs/motherless-goat. Fuck you and everyone you know in the ear without a condom.

*orders hors-doovers and more drinks-

I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy
Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
Oily, greasy, fleecy
Shining, gleaming, streaming
Flaxen, waxen
Knotted, polka-dotted
Twisted, beaded, braided
Powdered, flowered, and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied!

^Maybe it's Choggie who should put down the Thai Sticks.

>> ^thesnipe:
Oh yes the hair subject has taken off, Tina Turner had it all, I figure I have a few months till I can pull that one off though.


A few months? C'mon, snipey, don't lie to us. We know that you've dressed up like her on occasion.

That's just creepy, MGR. Wow. Thanks for that. [burning retinas]

A brief reminder:

If you join in on the roast (comments, zingers, put-downs, insults, etc.), you understand the following:

• Your name goes into the roast pool for future roasts

• The roastee (in this case, thesnipe) is allowed return fire at the end of the proceedings

For those who need help with their thesnipeology:

thesnipe Survey Answers/Study Guide/Cheat Sheet is here:
http://parody.videosift.com/talk/Its-a-Snipe-Hunt#comment-369967

Recent moments in thesnipeSpeak:
http://www.videosift.com/usercomments/thesnipe

Wikipedia on “snipe hunt”:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snipe_hunt

Everyone welcome the newest “roast noobs” schmawy and uhohzombies! On the list, you are! (If I leave out anyone, drop me a PM)

Really, we do encourage new talent to join in on our roasts.

THE JESTER

Snipe, you're lucky I'm not your mother. Before I kicked your ass out of the basement and out the door to get on with adulthood, I'd take some shears to that mop you call hair. (your real hair in your pics, not your sift mullet)

Along with that hair, what's that thing you're growing on your bottom lip? I swear it looks like someone gave you a Chris Cornell Starter Kit left over from 1993. Grunge has long gone, hon.

And smile for a damn picture sometime!

(sorry I'm late.. again)

Next thing you know, you guys will want a “hair channel.”

Hmmm . . . our roastee is a master, of several computer brands, who actually manages to pry himself away from several keyboards to ref hockey, run for the Red Cross, hike, camp and street race. He even describes himself as a “survivalist buff.” Um, it might be wise of us to vote him off the island now.

Thesnipe is a one-avatar-kind-of-guy. I guess he help brings balance to the Sift. Of course, at the other end of the spectrum we have The Avatar Chameleon Himself, choggie.

>>Whipped cream for various purposes.>>I imagine a number of us saw “Varsity Blues.”


>> List your five most cherished possessions.>> You put “Friends” first.

>>I've developed my own sense or religion though, no churches and that crap.>>
>> I'm a mix of Christian and Buddhist if you had to pin it down.>>
So now we’re talking “cult” maybe?

>>horror movies score some close intimate time.>> You use horror films to create intimate moments.

Note to Self: maybe marking thesnipe as a friend isn’t such a good idea after all.


>>What is your favorite memory? Let's call it college experimentation.>> Yep, lots of mental visuals you generated for this motley crew – right Mr. Stripper Dust?

We're going to unsticky this thing around 9:00 pm EDT, so if you want to get in any last minute licks on Sniper-boy, do it before then. "Licks" is just a figure of speech, by the way. Sorry, snipe.

It's difficult to roast you, thesnipe. You have been here quite some time and, as in the real world, you have found it hard to develop a personality recognized by average social mores-This may be the direct result of having stayed indoors to recapture some childhood you never want to abandon(coaching the mighty Ducks), your fetish for doe-eyed Japanamation babes (androgynous males with swords for cocks), or perhaps due to some horrible birth defect (assinchairitis). Nevertheless, here you are to burden our minds with the reality that Jersey is still going strong, cranking out the best of the best-falling close to the nest.

I had a roommate from Jersey once (can't recall which exit) He was a dedicated worker, paid his rent on time, very tolerant of most of my vices (except for unsolicited critiques of his music) and a girlfriend that had multiple orgasms , each and every time she thought of sex, which he did not deserve, I might add. He worked all day, 9-5, I was off 3 off 4 alternating weeks, and yadda yadda-ANYHOW, I remember one thing about him and most New Joisians......cheesy. Cheesy tastes in just about everything.
Speaking of which, thanks for the 2-3 hrs of mixing last night, kept up some groovy sounds fro the evening's activities,...... get a day job.

Neighborhood watch can get exciting-thesnipe tells me that from his bedroom window in the burbs, he has spotted all manner of nefarious activity, usually involving minorities, and children of adjacent homes. Survivalist that he is, he keeps his replicas locked, loaded, chambered and bored-

All seriousness here, my advise to you my friend, if you really want a hot Japanese goddess, is to get yer white(FABRIC-EMBOSSED)ass to the mainland....they are hungry for men that treat their women like princesses, you should be able to find one the minute you step off a train in Osaka-they are waiting for you, ripe for the pikkin's, what the FuCK!!, are you doing in Jersey???!!!
What a nice fella, thesnipe has been a great pal for me here on the sift, hope to meet ya someday-sooner than you imagine, perhaps.

Cheers guido.....isn't it about time to spring for some cornrows or dreads-or maybe Whal or Oster can help you break out. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz

i'd say this roast has finally got some *quality...

E_Nygma cannot award a quality point for this Sift Talk post because E_Nygma does not have enough Power Points - ignoring quality request by E_Nygma. (You can always purchase more Power Points.)

^...but even Siftbot hates thesnipe.

Everyone's already photoshopped thesnipe's exterior, so now it's time to photoshop his interior.

You know, even from that view you can still tell he's a dirty long-haired hippy, but maybe it's just me. I know colons.

Snipe, this was the first time I've ever received enough comment upvotes to receive a star. And, I will always associate this joyous occasion with emotionally trouncing you. I guess from here on out anytime I want to relive this high, I'll have to dish out a nice serving of "eff you" on your profile page. Don't take it personally. Though I'm sure that's a phrase you hear a lot in your worthless, pot-smoking, part time job having, failed musician life: don't take it personally.

I am most distressed to see kronopASSeidon linking to a video of your colonoscopy. Truly the grossest thing I've ever seen outside of your real girlfriend. You said you were going for someone resembling Street Fighter's Chung Li, but she looks more like a Bum Fighter to me. It's nothing a .45 to the face couldn't solve, however.

It will probably take the stoned out sea sponge a week to post his closing comments because he keeps on forgetting what he is typing.

mycroft see sponge and eat......HAH!!! He corrected his spelling!!!.....PUSSYYYYYYYY!

Since you've all seemed to sit back and roll a joint as the roast is winding down, I'll post my semisedated response, although you poor saps were hoping I smoked some (mycroftholmz), it's one of the few things that makes me sick, nice try to fill out the whole hippy vibe but everyone know what happens when you assume....

Wow where do I begin. So much material and information overload. I guess first off, does everyone in this roast have ADD? I can't process what goes through those small small minds but it must be "ooooo blue link *click* bahaha snipe has long hair" and somehow that's about it. I can't say I'm surprised when at the moment the video at the top this week is a gamers review series that's been going on for months.

I started to get shrills when blankfist posted something about how I use dungeons and dragons, something with a cup and a warlock in which I had no idea what in the hell he was saying. Of course it goes to reflect upon the rest of the roast team that blankfist's comment was highest voted of this roast so far.

Gorgonheap really hit it on the head though, with one scary misperception, he mentioned Hannah Montana, which shows me which music circle is he's floating in nowadays.

Jonny, you commented about how I'd like to fuck anyone that moves, I'm not sure if I should laugh or burst your bubble and reject your advances now. Sorry mate but I don't think anyone would attempt that experience.

Zeph barely hit home on the anime subject but plowed the way to a very strange and disturbing level when other posted a face of me on the wii chicks body, complementing Inuyasha with my head on kagome's face. It seems as if schmawy and a couple others have a bit too much time staring at my pictures via photoshop.

Speaking of photoshop, MG, you may want to see that military shrink after all. Granted the mastery of photoshop to make me really look like I have boobs is one thing, but it carries all kinda of baggage that may be best confined to a place with padded walls. As blankfist mentioned I also think you may want to consider a bit of help when it comes to finding colonoscopy videos.

I do work part time and as inspired by what CaptWillard told me, these comments come from a collection of crew cut wearing 9-5ers who lack the experience of anything more thrilling than "hey did you read the latest Dilbert parody?". That must make your day.

All in all I laughed my ass of for the past two days. kudos for choggie, swampy and dotdude for keeping it hilarious and anyone else I missed. Many thanks for Captwillard for MCing this affair. It was a hell of a roast, and fortunately for you roasters you won't have to strain those peabrains of yours until the next roast when I can join back on the other roasting end.

*quality

Awarding CaptWillard with one star point for this contribution to Sift Talk - declared quality by blankfist.

ohhhh say can you seeeeeee, my eyes if you can then my hairs too short-
down to here down to there-down to here down to there
It stops by itself!!.......

Fabulous roast boys and boys (no girls this time???oh....swampy, sorries)snipe was musing how fun it will be to roast the Marine......a real nasty dirty roast for Jarhead Joe.......can't wait-
thanks MC, a fine job-thesnipe, a good sport as always-
Cheers, all.....

Good sport Snipe, love ya hon

^Word. Especially for putting up with all the long-hair jokes. I suspect in a few years many of the gents who teased you about your long locks will be wishing they had yours when they start seeing their hair go down the drain while they shower. You'll have the last laugh, Sniper.

Thanks for being a good sport, Snipe old boy.

*unsticky

Unstickying this post from the top of Sift Talk - unsticky requested by kronosposeidon.

>> ^thesnipe:
Since you've all seemed to sit back and roll a joint as the roast is winding down, I'll post my semisedated response, although you poor saps were hoping I smoked some (mycroftholmz), it's one of the few things that makes me sick, nice try to fill out the whole hippy vibe but everyone know what happens when you assume....
Wow where do I begin. So much material and information overload. I guess first off, does everyone in this roast have ADD? I can't process what goes through those small small minds but it must be "ooooo blue link click bahaha snipe has long hair" and somehow that's about it. I can't say I'm surprised when at the moment the video at the top this week is a gamers review series that's been going on for months.
I started to get shrills when blankfist posted something about how I use dungeons and dragons, something with a cup and a warlock in which I had no idea what in the hell he was saying. Of course it goes to reflect upon the rest of the roast team that blankfist's comment was highest voted of this roast so far.
Gorgonheap really hit it on the head though, with one scary misperception, he mentioned Hannah Montana, which shows me which music circle is he's floating in nowadays.
Jonny, you commented about how I'd like to fuck anyone that moves, I'm not sure if I should laugh or burst your bubble and reject your advances now. Sorry mate but I don't think anyone would attempt that experience.
Zeph barely hit home on the anime subject but plowed the way to a very strange and disturbing level when other posted a face of me on the wii chicks body, complementing Inuyasha with my head on kagome's face. It seems as if schmawy and a couple others have a bit too much time staring at my pictures via photoshop.
Speaking of photoshop, MG, you may want to see that military shrink after all. Granted the mastery of photoshop to make me really look like I have boobs is one thing, but it carries all kinda of baggage that may be best confined to a place with padded walls. As blankfist mentioned I also think you may want to consider a bit of help when it comes to finding colonoscopy videos.
I do work part time and as inspired by what CaptWillard told me, these comments come from a collection of crew cut wearing 9-5ers who lack the experience of anything more thrilling than "hey did you read the latest Dilbert parody?". That must make your day.
All in all I laughed my ass of for the past two days. kudos for choggie, swampy and dotdude for keeping it hilarious and anyone else I missed. Many thanks for Captwillard for MCing this affair. It was a hell of a roast, and fortunately for you roasters you won't have to strain those peabrains of yours until the next roast when I can join back on the other roasting end.

Have you ever waited in excited anticipation for a lit firework to work its century old magic only to have it fizzle out a lifeless, soggy, dud?

Thanks for the blueballs...

Good >> ^choggie:
ohhhh say can you seeeeeee, my eyes if you can then my hairs too short-
down to here down to there-down to here down to there
It stops by itself!!.......
Fabulous roast boys and boys (no girls this time???oh....swampy, sorries)snipe was musing how fun it will be to roast the Marine......a real nasty dirty roast for Jarhead Joe.......can't wait-
thanks MC, a fine job-thesnipe, a good sport as always-
Cheers, all.....


Sounds good. I can only wait to see what y'all can come up with.

Oh, and extra kudos (no, not the snack bar) to Choggie for the most normal comment he's ever left.

terribly sorry I missed the party snipe.... since I'm late, I'l just say: thanks for being a fellow-sifter-of-quality!

you may still insult me shoudl you wish... my penance for being far too late.

normal......what a concept-

Thanks for being such a great sport, thesnipe!