*sticky

Stickying this post at the top of Sift Talk - sticky requested by dotdude.

*parody

New participants are reminded that their names will go into the pool for the next roast.

*scurries away to continue research*

Moving post to Parody Talk - requested by dotdude.

A couple of my answers had links in them so I'll post them here:

2. What is your favorite of your posted videos?
hmm Tough one, I'd have to say these two:

Fry's 100 cups of coffee
My favorite Futurama bit.

Hockey Player Hit Through the glass.
Because I was at that game and I remember it fondly.

3. How many avatars have you had since being a member? What were (are) they?
I've had 6 so far. First dragon, second dragon, Gandalf for a change, dracolich for the Fortnight of Fright, Dragon Yin-Yang (didn't last too long), and my current dragon.

32. Who started calling you the “Dark Lord of Videosift”?
MycroftHomlz when he called me out for a sifquisition when I hit 20,000 votes. He also has a very strange playlist dedicated to me and yahtzee...

Now. Bring on the roast!

^Wow, I think that's the first time I've ever seen a roastee pimp their wares at a roast. Dark Lord, or cheap whore?

Oh, and I used to think dragons were cool too. And then I went to kindergarten.

Ref #1 - O.K., Sex kinda fades with time. Who knows, it is slightly possible that there will be a momentary flash of desire occur again sometime in the future. Don't let it confuse you. Speaking of "it" (# 5), my mom also used to make sure that I peeled it back when washing it to make sure it was clean. Ref # 6 - Just how often DO you count your underware?. Ref11 - does this mean you have ALL THREE??

Damn, knew Don Juan was a hoody!!.....

I would say something nasty to zifnab, but I don't wanna tick him off too bad...
fly-by dragon bombings must be at least a million times worse than a pigeon's.

I didn't even bother reading the interview because life's to short to waste on hearing anything Zifnab has to say.

Zifnab: does anyone even believe in him anymore. He's like a amusing relic from a more superstitious time, forgotten by time, just like the mythical dragons he holds so dear in his heart.

Dark Lord, Dork Lord, Lord of Lard, whatever. Maybe you should hang out with these guys. They'll accept you for who you are.

*crickets

I ai'nt makin' fun of Zifnab, he's a goddamn dragon and I know better.

Okay Dark Lord, I just posted something you and your Molson-swilling buddies can appreciate: Honeymoon Suite. You can downvote it, of course. But then you forfeit your free national healthcare. Now maybe I'm full of shit, but who are you gonna trust? Me, a fellow sifter, or the Canadian government? (And all the rest you: Shut the fuck up.)

The high cost of being the crowd-pleaser is expressed here in the initial turnout and enthusiasm for your big party...unpopular folks have more numbers at their funerals or executions-

Y'know Zifnab is so nice......simply can't find an obnoxious thing to throw at him.....here Mr. Friendly, orchid petals on yer 1000-count sheets, and a dozen baby bunnies to wipe yer ass with, you can do no wrong....Hey, I know??!! Let's all vote for zifnab's stuff, because we have allll been groomed by adverts to obey-"See zifnab post, vote zifnab post!" "See zifnab post, vote zifnab post!" "See zifnab post, vote zifnab post!" "See zifnab post, vote zifnab post!" "See zifnab post, vote zifnab post!" "See zifnab post, vote zifnab post!"
...the mantra of the wannabe-

How to party with him??? Canadian???...Hmmmm-Problem. Maybe wait for a (cringe) joke???
He may say something clever....he's good at sucking every clever video up, and pasting his name onnit, before the others can get their game controllers out their hands, or their fingers off the same 12 buttons on their PC keyboards....the others here being the bulk of the Sift's users, all his loyal, robot fans.....

Top dog, got too much geek to be cool, and just enough cool to make coffee, .....Please, keep putting dragons up.....(picturing pasty dweeb at retro-comic con with vit/min deficiency...)
back inna while- find some dirt for your white trousers.....

Zifnab doesn't just like dragons, he thinks he is one. This disturbing phenomenon is known as "otherkin" - AKA Furries amped up about 700% and then set on fire. He wobbles around theme parks on weekends in a skintight green suit and papier-mâché mask with glowing eyes, waving animatedly at the children who think he is an employee paid to dress like a walking Disney cliche. If only their parents knew the frightening truth. There's a damn good reason these sick mind-fucks were hunted to extinction and now are only an old legend.

Those cardboard wings with crayon-drawn scales and Christmas tree light costumes are expensive though, so Zifnab maintains a side-job as a body artist. Revel in the beauty of his latest work.

Sorry, Zifnab smells, but I can't smell it over my own powerful musk.

This may be what everyone actually thinks of you, have you thought about this!??...such an idea may become quite salient as this exercise drags on.....

Zifnab is a doodie head. And his his screenname backwards is ban fiz. What did fiz ever do to you? The end.

What Zifnab didn’t tell you is that his dragon avatars are inspired from his tattoo, and please, don’t ask how I know about it! The circumstances aint pretty!
[edit] oops, Kuga beat me to it! (dang!)

Yeah, that would be funny if this just became a self-deprecating roast of myself for 80 terabytes.

Blankfist couldn't be here, so he asked me to give you this. I don't get it.

Yeah ya do, ya fuckin' queer, smoke this asshole, and look head-fist into mama's paleo va-jay jay......kronos needs dick, plain and fucking simple.

Whassa matter, choggerello? Revenooers hasslin' ya again? Didja eat some bad possum? Is yer cousin makin' ya take a paternity test?

maswithnumbers say's this, in it's personal profile...
":
I have been on the sift for a while now, and my main goal is to become one of the higher ranked members... Please be sure to check out the best of Personal Queue playlist to get some videos sifted..."

Guess he could do this in several ways, but the quickest way, of course, is to follow # 1 to the bathroom, and check hygeine habits.....NO!WAIT!!!! BAD IDEA-

oR YOU COULD DO LIKE ZIFFY HERE, INSECT-LIKE....EFFICIENT...TASK ORIENTED...DEDICATED AS IF DRIVEN BY SOME .... oh sorry, caps....as if summoned by some urge or impulse, implanted in the code.....


or like me, I like someone I fuck with them till they hit me or fuck my brains out or live with me for so lomg they simply deal, because the alternatives boggle the feeeeeeblist of half-wits.......

Carry on ya wannabees........especially you mealy-mouthed snipes that still have or just lost yer P's(ssth' fukkin females now....)....SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!!!??????

Hmmmm . . . ‘Sure are a bunch of folks obsessed with rank around here. Need I remind you of another definition of “rank” which reads “offensive in odor."

*sprays Lysol, one can in each hand*

Now I turn to my copy of Dr. Ernest Drake’s Dragonology: the Complete Book of Dragons. I found a map of the world that identifies the various dragon and serpent species and their lands of origin. Focusing on North America I found the American ampithere (Draco americanus tex). This particular species is from the prairie and steppe regions of the continent. It is typically covered in green fur, has no legs and has moth-like wings. It hunts buffalo and other large mammals. A full grown adult is typically 45 feet long and five to ten feet high. It will attack with flaming breath, tail lashing and constriction. The expected lifespan of this kind of dragon is 250 years.


Now I will focus upon our fire-breathing dragon-avatared sifter Zifnab. Apparently he’s only given us part of his sordid story. Several of his disgruntled royal servants have come forth since a “flame ‘n’ tell” book project has promised large sums of money. The book is due out this fall.

Zifnab’s personal chef has shed some light on Zifnab’s fixation with pepper. Unfortunately for the chef, all dishes become blackened at the royal dinner table. This most probably explains Zifnab’s reluctance to consume his ice cream turned soup. Sometimes the chef will cater to Zifnab’s love of strawberries by making Strawberries Flambé.

His personal valet has yet to grow back his eyebrows. According to the valet, Zifnab’s current baldness is the result of a recent hay fever attack. The royal tailor has given up on creating colorful royal vestments. Instead he simply sticks to black materials so that scorched spots are not as noticeable.

One anonymous source did send me a YouTube video to explain the pelt known as Fred. This individual told me that I would understand Fred’s fate better once I had watched it.

The fire department no longer responds to emergency calls from Zifnab’s castle.

Thus I will conclude here. I wouldn’t want this to just DRAG ON . . .

I don't want to say that Zifnab's votes are inflated by Zero Punctuation, but when Ben Croshaw needed a prostate exam, the doctor asked Zif for the results.

And what's with the dragon avatars? I haven't seen that many flamers since Richard Simmons went to the Castro District with a Catholic priest.

I don't want to say that dragons are gay, but I once saw Puff the magic dragon at a restaurant with Liza Minelli.

Anyway, enough about the gay dragons. Let's get to what I really know about Zifnab.

...

Anyway, that was my time. I want to thank Zifnab for being such a good roast. I hope he doesn't return the favor, or I may just have Mothra fight him.

He drinks like a girl. (No offense thepinky!)

>> ^choggie:
maswithnumbers say's this, in it's personal profile...
":
I have been on the sift for a while now, and my main goal is to become one of the higher ranked members... Please be sure to check out the best of Personal Queue playlist to get some videos sifted..."
Guess he could do this in several ways, but the quickest way, of course, is to follow # 1 to the bathroom, and check hygeine habits.....NO!WAIT!!!! BAD IDEA-


I didn't recall the MC being the target during this roast... While I want to be the one of the higher ranked members, I would perfer to do it without having to drag Zifnab down from his position to do so...

But thank you for promoting the Best of Personal Queue playlist...

"I didn't recall the MC being the target during this roast..." Hmmmm,.... remember, it started and ended about about 4 comments ago??
Snoozeworthy roast so far....

Welcome to our Roast Noobs: Don_Juan, Kuga, laura, MrFisk, Obsidianfire and thinker247!


Also, here’s a full written explanation (NSFW) behind the tattoo work Kuga and Firefly have mentioned. You probably did not want to know, but you’ve only seen half of the tattoo.

play badminton...? seriously, wtf?

Oh, an how can you have a *quality roast of Zifnab without inviting me?

What can I say old chum? You don't drink. You play badminton. You wear briefs. You have a freakin dragon avatar. You also apparently have a whole legion of people who worship you on here you demonic despot...

There is just too much pressure to slam you with a zinger, I guess it can wait-

I am sure I will come up with something when I see you at the Star Trek convention next week.

Awarding mas8705 with one star point for this contribution to Sift Talk - declared quality by MycroftHomlz.

Who am I kidding... I have been praying for this day my whole life-

http://parody.videosift.com/playlists/MycroftHomlz/Proof-Zifnab-3-Yahtzee

Ok, so I actually have the "pleasure" (pleasure? really? Um, no.) of being the person on here who's known Zifnab the longest out of anyone and that's due to actually working together in real life. That means I know stuff.

Oh, I know stuff.

TRUE: Zif loves the badminton and the volleyball. He's also really shitty at both and thinks he tries the better he'll get. Just like the time he broke his #$%^in' ankle! Your serve! Yeesh.

FALSE: There is a chain hanging on his dragon tattooed dangle.

TRUE: Sorry, there's no chain --and I really wish he hadn't shown me.

TRUE: His pool table has a massive Pink Floyd Division Bell poster hanging by it. As soon as Zif's losing a game of pool, he turns on the blinky red lights in the eyes to distract his opponent.

TRUE: He cheats at everything, the bastard.

FALSE: He's a furry freak.

TRUE: He's LARPer and he's the one on the left http://www.fasthack.com/images/weblog/2007/01/dnd-cosplay-2.jpg

FALSE: He slams his phone down at the office after every phone call.

TRUE: He ends every phone call with "yeah, with YOUR MOM!"

FALSE: He's balding.

TRUE: He shaves.....eeeeevvvveeerrrryyyywhere.

FALSE: He laughs maniacally when people nuke fish in the microwave in the office kitchen (oh, the smell!!)

TRUE: He laughs maniacally when the guy next to him in the office says 'pork'. Seriously, WTF?

FALSE: His favorite winter sport is hockey.

TRUE: His favorite winter sport is women's curling (thanks to me introducing him to the great Kelley Law.... on her hands and knees... screaming "HARDER!" Awesome. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/4/46/Kelleylaw.jpg/200px-Kelleylaw.jpg

FALSE: Zif is Canadian and proud of it.

TRUE: Zif was born in Seattle, but loves to say 'aboot'.

But seriously, congrats on the roast here, Ziffy. Can't wait until you change your phone greeting to "That's what she said!"

Dick.

http://www.videosift.com/video/5-Dudes-Try-To-Impress-the-Ladies-by-Gangbanging-An-Ottoman

^This is Zifnab's favorite part of the Zifnab-Yhatzee collective...

BLASPHEMER!


>> ^Bleedingsnowman:
Dark Lord, Dork Lord, Lord of Lard, whatever. Maybe you should hang out with these guys. They'll accept you for who you are.

you're the number one user on this site.

think about that.

nuff said.

Sorry I'm late. I almost didn't make it to the roast, because, well... this is a roast for a dragon and frankly I'm not a retard. Still, I can be a good sport. In honor of his roast, I'd like to give you a little history behind our resident dragon. Zifnab, as some of you may know, is banfiz spelled backwards, which is Swahili for blanfizt, which is Farsi for blankfist. You see, I'm zifnab's sockpuppet. It's true. I know it's shocking.

Now that the truth is out, I'd like to apologize to everyone for posting all those annoyingly trite Zero Punctuation videos. Even I don't find them funny. Five minutes of stream of conscience blathering from an indignant Brit. But enough about deputydog. I'm a Canuck with a fondness for Monty Python. That means my taste in comedy is about as relevant as Canada itself. Did I mention our flag has a leaf on it? No? Well that's probably because anything about Canada isn't worth mentioning. Our number one export is maple syrup. That's a country legacy to be proud of!

But, look at me now. I'm ranked number one on VideoSift. That's like winning a two person beauty contest against Choggie: yeah, you're technically the winner, but somehow your low expectations still makes you a loser.

ok, i wasn't going to say anything, but dotdude insisted.

so, zif, i hate to tear the facade away, but we know perfectly well why you're obsessed with red dragons.

how are grandma's dentures fitting, these days?

>> ^MrFisk:
He drinks like a girl. (No offense thepinky!)


It's a roast. Stop flirting.

I'm running up to the liquor store. Anyone need anything? Don't worry, Ziffy. I'm picking up some Labatt's Sterling. Only the best for this occasion, you Canucklehead!

Go easy on the big guy roasters..he's busy..as in getttin'.....he may need a breather, considering......this one ain't over by a log shot....


ng.....

Say what you want about the zif, but he gets more dragon play than any other sifter. Of course, since dragons are mythical creatures, that basically just means he has thicker lenses and hairier palms than all the other dweebs here.

On the other hairy palm, zifnab is the absolute champ when it comes to eradicating the content of banned users. And my, how important his work is. Not allowing those spammers to disgrace us with their trite and useless tags, we are given the relaxing comfort of "banned, redacted" at every turn. Thanks dude. You rule. Hairy palms.

Now put down the mouse -- it's just a pointing device, not a sex toy.

Well everyone, it's been a slice.

kronosposeidon - Consider my wares pimped.

Don_Juan - It sounds like you are speaking from experience.

Laura - Pigeon's are like bugs on a windshield.

Bleedingsnowman - Remember the lesson of every cheesy B-Grade fantasy movie that you hold so dear, powerful relics from the past will always come back to power.

schmawy - Smart answer

choggie - I expected more, a queue down-voting spree before the roast started was all you could muster 'eh? I know you secretly tried to immigrate to Canada and you were denied entrance, better luck next time.

Kuga - I don't want to think of the google queries you were using to find that tattoo...

Obsidianfire - A doodie head? Are you 12?

firefly - You and Kuga share the same google-fu 'eh?

dotdude - You did just DRAG ON

thinker247 - What were you on when you were at a restaurant seeing dragons with old acresses?

MrFisk - You could do better than that...

MycroftHomlz - I'm pretty sure you are a stalker, seek help.

shanedawg2k7 - Care for a wager on a game of badminton?

MINK - Jealousy...

blankfist - You wish you were my sockpuppet, I turned you down enough times already.

jonny - Banned, Redacted

mas8705 - Thanks for agreeing to be the MC, next time read the rules first

Thanks for coming out everyone!

*unsticky

Post cannot be unstickied by Zifnab because it is was stickied an admin - ignoring unsticky request by Zifnab.

>> ^siftbot:
Post cannot be unstickied by Zifnab because it is was stickied an admin - ignoring unsticky request by Zifnab.


Well sifty, I didn't expect you to get in on the action. Don't make me use the *meltedbucket invocation....

Since when did dotdude become an admin? What else is going on around here that I don't know about?

*unsticky

Post cannot be unstickied by kronosposeidon because it is was stickied an admin - ignoring unsticky request by kronosposeidon.

Maybe SiftBot has something to say. Zifnab works him pretty hard with invocations.

*roast

"because it is was stickied an admin"

Is Siftbot coming down with the Dubya virus?

>> ^siftbot:
Post cannot be unstickied by kronosposeidon because it is was stickied an admin - ignoring unsticky request by kronosposeidon.

Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)

Siftbot, sometimes you are just too by the book. *unsticky.

Unstickying this post from the top of Sift Talk - unsticky requested by dag.