poop floats when there's fat in it... who knew???

OK. Imagine a giant glowing ball of fire suddenly appears floating, unmoving in the sky. The sky itself changes from the normal grey to a weird alien blue. The brightness burns your eyes. The heat thrown off by the orb compels madness - previously normal people start inexplicably removing layers upon layers of clothing.

It's happened here in Ireland, and it could happen to you too. Unless you're in Glasgow.

LOL! Nice. The fact you make it a floating island shows you're ready for rising sea levels.

I'll be back. Got to go snatch one. Bag 'em up.

None of them. The floating platform causes a resistance in swings which start slowing them all down. Those that are off rhythm the most get more resistance. Eventually, like an asymptote curve on a graph, they all begin to converge on each other.

Also like a asymptote curve they may never actually achieve a %100 sync because as a metronome begins to match its sync more, the more the resistance against it lessens, but as the resistance lessens the amount of force to correct it is less.

Holy shit! Is Bezos really The Monarch?! That's by far the closest thing I've ever seen to a real life floating cocoon headquarters.
*promote the insanity. I, for one, welcome our new flying overlords.

Good dog, Cujo! Also, you know that mutt drops a log the size of a baguette at least twice a day and it practically takes a snow shovel to fling it into the neighbor's yard.

I use to have a tragically retarded Cocker Spaniel (and, to note, there is no other variety of that breed) and it was like the Goose that Laid the Golden Egg, only with dogshit. At least three times a day, this golden-furred, floppy ear'd mongrel would scarf down a can of Alpo, a cup of kibble and whatever food was left lying on the table -- the same table the cat always got smacked for climbing on, but the dog ... ohhh, no! It's CUTE when the dog does it! -- then make a beeline to the back lawn where it'd crap Mt. Everest. I'd have to trudge out the the back yard, shovel in hand, while the guy next door shot me the stink-eye because he was tired of fishing dog turds out of his swimming pool every day during the summer. This task is odious enough, but it's a thousand times worse when you're stoned and it's a million degrees out and you'd much rather be floating on your waterbed listening to Dark Side of the Moon in headphones while blissful AC-cooled air wafts over your twice-weekly washed body and not fighting your way through a black fog of Horseflies to reach a 1:1 scale model of Mt. Doom made entirely of a too-quickly digested overpriced slurry of meat scraps and offal that the canners couldn't fob off on Mexico.

It might not have been as bad as all that, but in my hazy recollection, it was pretty darned close.

I'm not sure why I told you all this, to be perfectly honest, but I did. So there.

A whale of a float... choking on plastic
https://laughingsquid.com/giant-whale-choking-on-trash-parade-float/

Your video, A Whale Of A Float, has made it into the Top 15 New Videos listing. Congratulations on your achievement. For your contribution you have been awarded 1 Power Point.

So, after months of issues including plastics both leaving the capture area through the entrance and just going directly under the "curtain", the device has broken catastrophically and was returned to port for repairs today, barely 3 months after deployment. Disappointing.

I'm glad they're trying something, but in reality even working perfectly this device could only clean the ocean surface like a single parking lot vacuum truck could clean and decontaminate the entire mid West. We would need hundreds of thousands of these working 24/7 to make a significant difference, and that would undoubtedly cause new insurmountable problems.

Besides, enormous amounts of plastics have degraded enough that they no longer float at the surface. These devices could never harvest that plastic, and that's the plastic entering the food web at the base, contaminating everything from phytoplankton up.

Seems not too bad, relatively speaking.

Babies after 9 months of floating in in low-gravity take like a year or two to get walking.

Weights.


...they all float down there.

Should have fed the rapist to his little brother Billy. They all float down there.

You and me both. Years ago I had a job at White Sands Missile range, where the main entrance road was named after PFC Marvin R. Owen, an MP who had been on duty during one of those monsoon rains. Some guy reporting for duty from New Jersey, or some such station, didn't want to be late. So he drove into the running arroyo that separated him from post HQ. He had his wife and two kids with him as I recall, and they all started floating downstream. PFC Owen drove his pickup into the arroyo in an attempt to stop the car, but they were all swept away.

They all drowned in the middle of the desert, and the next day most likely there was hardly any water to be seen.

I tend not to be the first one to cross.

If you keep air in your lungs and avoid paniced movements your body will start to float up on it's own. While on the surface move your legs and feet as if you were peddling a bicycle.

That should keep you from panicking unless you see sharks, so keep your eyes closed.