This is what I like about her. The Aziz story is... weird, and I certainly have my opinion on it, but I love the last minute here where she calls out what is really important and let me reframe the way I was approaching the situation. I like being made to think. It is just refreshing to have someone presenting logic and thoughtfulness as opposed to just screaming into the internet.

It's what I dislike.
She calls him out publicly, a definite attempt to hurt him professionally, for not picking up on non verbal cues....allegedly given while his date was naked in his bed and engaging in sex in the dark but never verbalized, Sam has zero idea what those nonverbal cues were or if she even sent them.
Her private message to him was somewhat appropriate (but showed her lack of maturity to have gone through the bad date, slept with him, actually gone to sleep in bed with him, and only later decides it was unacceptable). Going public with a bad date and pretending it's a "me too" sex abuse story was outrageous imo, and only (severely) harms the anti sex abuse movement. He may have deserved blue balls, not to be blackballed.

I like Sam, but I think she's on the wrong side of this one. It's 100% up to the woman to communicate her discomfort clearly, not on men to pick up non verbal cues of discomfort given in the dark while they're also giving verbal cues to continue. She never said stop, she said slow down, which means continue, but slower. Verbal cues trump non verbal cues 99.999% of the time.

*promote *quality

I'm really amazed at the quality of the conversation this particular event has provoked. This is one of my favorites.

Promoting this video and sending it back into the queue for one more try; last queued Wednesday, January 17th, 2018 11:07pm PST - promote requested by bareboards2.

Boosting this quality contribution up in the Hot Listing - declared quality by bareboards2.

I finally girded myself and read the babe article. So painful on so many levels.

We are so clueless as human beings, I swear.

The one thing that I hadn't read about before was the screenshot of the text she wrote him the next day. She was quoted as saying, in several accounts, that while it might have been fun for him, it wasn't for her. Even in the babe article, it lists her response as beginning that way.

What I don't remember reading anywhere else was this shortened excerpt:

Aziz: Hey it was fun meeting you last night. [Something about cameras]

Grace: Hey Aziz, it was fun meeting you too. [Something in response to cameras]

Oh dear. This is what I have been saying since #metoo has started.

Our socialization has us saying, politely, "it was fun meeting you".

No. No it wasn't. And yet she felt compelled socially -- and was helped in crafting a response by her friends, according to babe! -- to soften the truth, which came next. Clearly and directly.

Women need to learn to be more direct and less polite. And we need to train our girls early about their right to speak their truth.

I don't blame Grace for her frozen inaction. She wasn't taught anything different as a child.

Let's teach our children to speak their truth, yeah?

That was perfect, that was very much how I wanted to respond to Ashleigh Banfield's rebuke, but more humorous and generous. Everyone has the right to talk about experiences they themselves went through. Confidentiality is a reasonable expectation, say, sometimes between spouses. But not after a first date ffs.

I think her point is that not only is it ok for women to speak about rape and assault, but also about other elements of sexual relationships that are both non-criminal and crucial. I don't know about you, but I've (1) never been rapey or weird; (2) had lots of great sex with lots of great people; and (3) more often than not navigated sexual behavior through non-verbal cues. In fact, many of the best sexual encounters I've had progressed solely upon non-verbal cues. So if for nothing more than the magic of sex (and if course there is more), I support women discussing men who can't read a vibe. BUT forchristsakejustdontputhisdickinyourmouththen.

I also fully support women's right to speak about their experiences, good or bad, but in this climate, to lump him into the #metoo movement, which I also fully support, is wrong and unfair to him and the movement, imo.
Tell your girlfriends , write a blog, make an internet list of bad local lays, but don't exaggerate a bad date, or maybe even just bad consensual sex into the worst thing ever (edit:and don't then call the media to spread and multiply your exaggeration in attempt to ruin a media career) .....and absolutely, if you're uncomfortable, forchristsakejustdontputhisdickinyourmouththen....instead use your mouth to say "no thanks, I'm going to leave now" and call an uber.

*related=https://videosift.com/video/New-Rule-Distinction-Deniers

New Rule: Distinction Deniers has been added as a related post - related requested by newtboy.