It's been said that the meeting place between the brain and the penis is the heart.

I heard he tripped over his penis and broke his neck.

Your video, US Navy "Sky Penis" Cockpit Audio (released 5/14/19), has made it into the Top 15 New Videos listing. Congratulations on your achievement. For your contribution you have been awarded 1 Power Point.

Your penis is your weakest point and it is used to pull you in. You wife probably already knows that though. After all, she needed you to procreate.

Wait....my power of creation?!....that's what I call my penis.....how does it do philosophical math? I never knew it had that ability....won't my wife be surprised!

Oh look, the completion and delivery of the Iron Giant's penis.

Cue Tool's Hooker With A Penis.

Firing penis missiles at anyone who disagrees with him is Trump's ONLY policy.

The audience didn't seem to understand the gag at 1:18.

Ramirez acknowledged that there are significant gaps in her memories of the evening, and that, if she ever presents her story to the F.B.I. or members of the Senate, she will inevitably be pressed on her motivation for coming forward after so many years, and questioned about her memory, given her drinking at the party.

In a statement, two of those male classmates who Ramirez alleged were involved in the incident, the wife of a third male student she said was involved, and three other classmates, Dino Ewing, Louisa Garry, and Dan Murphy, disputed Ramirez’s account of events: “We were the people closest to Brett Kavanaugh during his first year at Yale. He was a roommate to some of us, and we spent a great deal of time with him, including in the dorm where this incident allegedly took place. Some of us were also friends with Debbie Ramirez during and after her time at Yale. We can say with confidence that if the incident Debbie alleges ever occurred, we would have seen or heard about it—and we did not. The behavior she describes would be completely out of character for Brett. In addition, some of us knew Debbie long after Yale, and she never described this incident until Brett’s Supreme Court nomination was pending. Editors from the New Yorker contacted some of us because we are the people who would know the truth, and we told them that we never saw or heard about this.”

She says it took her six days of hard thinking and speaking to her attorney before she decided she believed that she was positive it was Kavanaugh. Again, no other witnesses are backing her up and the couple that did say they heard of some sort of incident involving a plastic penis and a party think they heard Kavanaugh's name mentioned but they weren't present at the party.

I have to say, there was far more credible information against Clarence Thomas and a panel led by Democrats voted to pass him on to the senate. It is worth investigation? Maybe, but how do you prove it? Both accusers admit they were heavily intoxicated at the time and both have no credible witnesses. If you do have an investigation and he is found innocent, would a Democratic senate even still consider him for SCOTUS? I'm pretty sure the answer is no. Sadly, it looks like he may be fucked even if he isn't guilty.

ALL you can drink?

This reminds me of those "all drinks are on us" cruises you see advertised on TV.

I mean, a thousand frat boys with an unlimited bar tab stuck on a boat with nothing else to do? Didn't anyone involved in this promotion see the videos of the Nickel Beer Night Riot in Cleveland? If they haven't, they really should, because the Nickel Beer Night Riot was the greatest thing to happen in the history of Western Civilization Assholery. I'm serious! If I had a time machine, screw going back to meet Jesus or killing baby Hitler: I'd grab me a ride to June 4, 1974, drop a dollar at the beer concession stand, then get hoot-chimp drunk and huck D-cells at the Texas Rangers until it was Penis Puppetry time at third base.

All-you-can-drink beer in Japan? That'd be like the Nickel Beer Night Riot, only with samurai and ninjas -- how fucking awesome would that be?! I'm half-way to the airport already!

God bless you, Japan!

I hate it when women make the same mistake.

Her : "The sight of your urethra is nice"

Me : "Bitch, that's my penis."

Lyrics -

Verse 1

Blowin something sticky word to pre-cum dicks
Im wit ma team in this bitch, and we all getting lit
I mean the weed hella loud, like a teenage chick
And we been smoking for a minute, yeah we blowin on that ganja

And now I'm huffin and puffin, I'm choking on that bong
And the dope im on is bomb I'm smoking that Vietcong

Getting real high
Watching funny videos of bill nye
Tell me that this jam isn't still fly --

Bill nye theme song

now im getting hungry than a muthafucka
put some chicken nuggets in the oven at 400
whered I put that honey mustard
lookin all around the cupboard for that muthafucka
until I discovered a custard, I covered wit butter from last week.

How long do them thangs keep?
Guess I better ask jeeves
go get ma computer but im staring at the damn screen

Damn D, you forgetting what ya task be
The puff puff pass, gotcha gassed
Now ya man is fucked...

Chorus

And i was tryna get a little buzz, so I took a little puff
but I think im way too high

and I aint wanna come off like a bitch, so I took another hit
but I think ma brains too fried

and yeah im fuckin faded but I hate it
im praying that I make it
afraid im goin to dieeeee

I'm too blazed, it's too late
to save Dicky from this fuckin place, cuz he too high

Verse 2

now im freakin out up in this bitch
cant control it and ma homies passin round another spliff
so I bolted to the BR
Consulted with the mirror

Lil Dicky please step up, you pathetic
Cuz the weed in you beating you
then all a sudden im on the toilet beating ma penis blue
but I aint cummin because as im imagining fucking something

that pretty girl im humping
becoming my fuckin cousin, or mother or brother
or some other fucking disgusting person

ma brain is bein strange, cuz im high as a plane
I aint deranged, im just saying it's a violent strain
So I go back to the back where they packing up cigars
Dipping snacks, kicking back, staring at some Avatars

Then I flipped, took a decade and a half to make that shit
Yet they couldn't put a second and a half up in that script

How the fuck a human being wanna fuck a
Blueish green 7' 3'' tail having ass thing
Man im high as fuckkkk

Chorus

And i was tryna get a little buzz, so I took a little puff
but I think im way too high

and I aint wanna come off like a bitch, so I took another hit
but I think ma brains too fried

and yeah im fuckin faded but I hate it
im praying that I make it
afraid im goin to dieeeee

I'm too blazed, it's too late
to save Dicky from this fuckin place, cuz he too high

verse 3

rock hard cock, cuz im watching katy perry
in her video the whole world's made of candy

damn...I aint even got no candy
so now at the fucking c store

where ya man be torn than a mafucka
peanut eminems or a twix
cant commit, so I count the benefits on ma hands

goddamn now im weary of the man -- yeah the cashier
homeland, Nazir!

s-s-s-so damn tweaked I cant even cross the mothafuckin street
gotta wait until that muthafucka's green

now im back up at the crib, and im laughin at giraffes long necks
gotta shit, but the path to the bathroom is complex
crafted a long text, took about an hour
took a scary shower, now im sitting naked on the ground

man im fucked up. I'm bout to call ma mom up and tell her what's up.
This sucks im high as fuck.

Chorus

And i was tryna get a little buzz, so I took a little puff
but I think im way too high

and I aint wanna come off like a bitch, so I took another hit
but I think ma brains too fried

and yeah im fuckin faded but I hate it
im praying that I make it
afraid im goin to dieeeee

I'm too blazed, it's too late
to save Dicky from this fuckin place, cuz he too high

outtro