Every now and then I forget how great the Onion is and then someone sends me an article or video.

Double-checking it's not The Onion.

There's a huge difference between a candidate that doesn't align perfectly with one's ideals and candidates diametrically opposed to one's ideals. You will NEVER find someone that aligns perfectly with your ideals except yourself.
If ALL candidates on the ballot are diametrically opposed to your ideals, the best solution is to write in the name of the candidate that DOES align at least mostly with your ideals, the second best idea is to simply not vote. Casting your vote for someone you think will be disastrous in order to deny someone you think will be apocalyptic is a terrible way to vote, IMO. I understand it, but I disagree with it.

If we order pizza, and the choices are limited to 4 types of mushroom pizza, or pizza with mushroom, onion, and sausage, and you are deathly allergic to mushroom, sitting in the corner and pouting and refusing to eat, while complaining to the room that they inappropriately completely excluded you from the process is the right choice.
Yes, it would be better to become more involved at the 'choose the toppings' level, but not everyone has that ability, and doing so is no guarantee of success.

If neither nominated candidate offers even some of what you want, what then?
I don't advocate not voting at all, but voting for the slightly lesser of two evils is not the only choice, supporting candidates that don't have a chance of winning THIS TIME can set up the next election so they do have a chance...it's a long game, but still better than 'boycott', and better than voting for certain disaster, even if that disaster is inevitable.
The notion that YOUR candidate is the only right choice and everyone else is being manipulated just might be reality in this instance, and not naïve in the least. Voting for someone just a step below apocalyptic seems naïve to me. If you think that the candidate is the only right choice BECAUSE that candidate is your choice, and not because they exhibit the qualities and positions you think are absolutely necessary, unlike all other candidates, then I agree, that's immature and naïve, but I don't think many made their decision that way.

Yeah...no.

We can't only vote for candidates that align perfectly with our ideals. We can support those candidates but if they don't make it to the general election then you vote for the candidate that most closely matches your values. I cannot even conceive of the level of self entitlement I would need to feel to endorse the idea that only my first pick is deserving of my vote.

We can order one pizza. I want sausage but I do not like onions. Everyone else wants onions. I sit in the corner and pout and refuse to eat.

The only mature position is to encourage people to do more to actively support their preferred candidate. That is positive action. To advocate boycotting elections when you don't get your way is untenable...because everyone CAN'T get their way. You have to accept that your views will not always be in the majority. You have to be prepared to get some of what you want if you can't get everything.

This notion that YOUR candidate is the only right choice and everyone else is being manipulated....its just immature and naive.

Makes me tear up for some reason. I've always been curious why moments like these make me shed tears. Happiest moments but im all onions. *doublepromote

And its all those questions that made me enjoy it. I'm pretty sure this is what the video creators were going for. A big wtf. Also the video is from ClickHole (http://www.clickhole.com/video/watch-comedian-perfectly-shut-down-heckler-3891). ClickHole is a satirical website from The Onion (wiki).

watch it here for a better resolution. https://vimeo.com/153944874 I was quite focussed on the audience (specificly a pattern in blinking) and was wondering if this was all edited. Looping the footage and adding in finger lengthening and camera shake(to hide small movements which would expose looping) after the fact. The comedian also doesn't budge after he starts pointing (even after the crowd starts to clap at the end). Also it's possible the audience was just in on it and was asked to not move, but id put money on lots of editing to make the video.

Further down on the Onion...

Here is a step-by-step guide to how U.S. Supreme Court justices are selected:

Step 1: Supreme Court vacancy opens after a sitting justice dies, retires, or is promoted to the Galactic Circuit
Step 2: President wistfully crosses out own name from list of potential candidates
Step 3: Official presidential nominee slowly lowered by rope into Senate Judiciary Committee pit
Step 4: Nominee charged one-time $30 background check fee
Step 5: Candidate asked whether they see themselves in exact same place 35 years from now
Step 6: Judiciary Committee members ask nominee whether they capable of writing a dissent that could be described as “blistering”
Step 7: Candidate attests they have no opinion whatsoever on issue of abortion, don’t know what it is, and frankly have never heard such a word uttered before
Step 8: Senate takes nominee out to drinks to see how they act in casual, informal setting
Step 9: Nominee stands as their predecessor’s robe is draped over them to see if government can save a few bucks on not ordering a new one
Step 10: Following months of direct questioning, witness testimony, and poring over the nominee’s qualifications and judicial history, the Senate votes on whether they like the president or not
Step 11: If confirmed, justice takes oath of office and is assigned a bench buddy to help them through their first few opinions
Step 12: If candidate not confirmed, process repeats indefinitely until other party holds White House or country is awash in the hot, crimson blood of neighbor killing neighbor, whichever comes first

Gotta have that onion or it ain't Texas BBQ.

?
Having sauce on it doesn't make it not BBQ, but ONLY having sauce on it doesn't make baked meat BBQ either. If it's slow smoked with a spicy rub, but not smoked to dry jerky, I say that qualifies as BBQ.
Sour pulled pork? Something's not right. Mine is almost too sweet, but I use a brown sugar and pepper based rub.
They all need to be served with large-cut sweet onion. That's the proper side for all BBQ in my eyes....but I was raised in Texas, so I have a very particular idea of what makes BBQ good.

Your video, The Onion Reviews ‘Spectre’, has made it into the Top 15 New Videos listing. Congratulations on your achievement. For your contribution you have been awarded 1 Power Point.

Never mind, apparently sports writing can get pretty gross... "Jason Whitlock, a black sports writer, slammed Williams in a 2009 Fox Sports column for having "chosen to smother" her beauty "in an unsightly layer of thick, muscled blubber." His main gripe, unsurprisingly, was about what he called her "oversized back pack." He explained, "I am not fundamentally opposed to junk in the trunk, although my preference is a stuffed onion over an oozing pumpkin.""

Your video, The Onion Looks Back At 'Back To The Future', has made it into the Top 15 New Videos listing. Congratulations on your achievement. For your contribution you have been awarded 1 Power Point.

Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)

That's actually a pretty solid take on it for the Onion. As usual, it's funny because it's true. *promote

Someone's cutting onions.

Did... did he drink an onion?