I feel like this is The Onion reporting.

Most recognizable? I've never seen this or heard of it before.

Sounds very similar to the jury selection system described in Joseph Wambaugh's 'The Onion Field'.

Published in 1973.

Your video, The Onion's Future News From The Year 2137, has made it into the Top 15 New Videos listing. Congratulations on your achievement. For your contribution you have been awarded 1 Power Point.

This achievement has earned you your "Pop Star" Level 255 Badge!

Wow, you still manage to astound with your constant unbelievably ignorant racist stupidity. How do you do it?

BTW, Google "the onion". *facepalm

The oranges. The oranges. The oranges. Didn't believe this story at all. Thought it was an Onion farce gone viral. A deep fake.

It's still hard to believe. Why wouldn't anyone teach him another word for oranges? Like genies, sourest, or emergency of the story?

Almost like, no one cares if the President comes off looking dumb.

Congratulations! Your video, The Onion Reviews 'Dawn of the Planet of the Apes', has reached the #1 spot in the current Top 15 New Videos listing. This is a very difficult thing to accomplish but you managed to pull it off. For your contribution you have been awarded 2 Power Points.

This achievement has earned you your "Golden One" Level 384 Badge!

Your video, The Onion Reviews 'Dawn of the Planet of the Apes', has made it into the Top 15 New Videos listing. Congratulations on your achievement. For your contribution you have been awarded 1 Power Point.

This is why I love the Onion. Absolutely amazing. Best review ever. Really gets to the meat of the source material.

Your video, The Onion Reviews ‘Toy Story 4’, has made it into the Top 15 New Videos listing. Congratulations on your achievement. For your contribution you have been awarded 1 Power Point.

Oh Bob.

Admit it, you thought this was real news until you noticed the "the onion" logo.

If it was sporting the OAN or Infowars logo, you would believe it to your grave

I think they could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now, saying, "Damn, remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank! They're gonna have to change that McDonald's song: 'Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a... bun.' How's a sesame seed stick to a bun? That's fuckin' magical! There's got to be some sesame seed glue out there! Either that, or they're adhesive on one side. "Take the sesame seed out, remove the backing, place it on the bun. Now your bun will look spectacular." What does a sesame seed grow into? I don't know, we never gave them a chance! What the fuck is a sesame? It's a street...it's a way to open shit!

RIP Mitch Hedberg

Exactly!

So the Onion has crossed the line from Parody into Reality! now eh?

parents of this child actor should be ashamed for making her memorize this obviously adult-written script, with references to child pornography (doing "god knows what" with bath photo).

No one takes any 6-year old seriously, smashed-peas-photo or not.

I do think there are many parents who put way too many photos of their kids on Facebook, but I can't think of a single 6-year old that would react in the way this girl has (maybe that's why it's from The Onion?)