Hmmm, foods with MSG gives me head aches and makes me constipated. Foods without MSG doesn't make me sick. Go figure!

that's one constipated monkey.

No problem. I've got a few jokes for you straight off the bat - what's brown and sticky? A stick. What's ET short for? He's only got little legs. Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil. Doctor doctor, i feel like a pair of curtains. Pull yourself together! What's black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra. What's black and white, black and white, black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill.

Hell, Tim Vine does hundreds of one liners in half an hour and the majority of them are not at anyone's expense.

I think you've confused what you find funny with the term "humour" as it were. You may only find shadenfreude funny, and so you think all humour is shadenfreude, but it is patently obvious that things can be humourous without being at someone's expense and i find it almost petulant to be asked to prove it when it is so obvious. You almost certainly know loads of jokes like that. How does Bob Marley like his donuts? Wi' jam-in. I stood there, wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger and bigger..... and then it hit me. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam.

From what i remember of Lenny Henry's standup (like him or not) in the old days, he didn't often tell a joke at someone's expense. Tommy Cooper used to make people laugh by doing bad magic tricks. Les Dawson used to make people laugh by playing the piano badly as only a good pianist can. Terry Pratchett makes me laugh by conjuring up funny situations in a fictional world. I laughed at the Big Lebowski when he shaded the pad of paper to see what secret notes Jackie Treehorn was making and it turned out to be a doodle of a man holding his own cock. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. I bought some new viagra eye drops, cos they make me look hard. What do you call a man with a shovel on his head? Doug.

I could go on and on and on, but i don't get paid for this and i have other stuff to do, but i hope i've opened your eyes to whole new realms of comedy where people don't get hit in the face with stuff. Where are the Andes? At the end of your wristies. Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? He had no body to go with.

I'm so confused by your request for proof that i feel like someone's asked me "Air? What air? There's no air, i can't see any!"

I'm utterly dreading to read your reply if it says anything along the lines of "That ET joke is offensive to short people! That skeleton joke is offensive to people with eating disorders! The penguin joke is offensive to the penguin you pushed down the hill!" Please don't embarrass us both by doing that, we both know those jokes aren't offensive. (Or very funny, to be honest.)

Regarding leg angle and and pooping:
If you do the Butters technique, you have the added benefit of facing a wall which gives you the opportunity of placing your feet up on the wall to improve your colon positioning and leg angle, therefore the straightness of the defecation vector. Caution is necessary, though, as you need to grab onto the toilet to avoid launching yourself backside first from the toilet in a motion resembling a jump from a squatting position. This is especially hazardous during difficult defecation acts involving constipation or any kind of pain. Also, you'd want to avoid to give the expression "skidmarks" a new definition as it might stain the Butters technique irreparably.

I'm like 8 seconds into the video and I already hate the shit out of him. Fuck you and your obvious constipation.

Yeah. I heard that part.

He makes it seem as if there is something that the medical community could have done to relieve his pain and that the VA docs purposely and sadistically withheld it. I think it was a lack of communication between him and his doctors which is failure enough, but there is probably nothing that could be done to make him pain free. I mean, putting him on strong pain meds will only make him constipated. Chronically, his pain tolerance will reset and he will require higher and higher dosages to obtain relief to the point that it is unsafe to increase the dose because of respiratory depression. I'm not saying his pain isn't real; I'm saying there were no good solutions to solving his problem.

Timeless indeed!
*hits replay for the third time*

Man - bet my face looks constipated when listening to this.

This is an alternative medicine recipe to cure constipation.

I think I like him better as a constipated vampire.

Verizon sucks ass. They literally suck it. Whenever I'm constipated, I just call up Verizon on my non-Verizon cell phone, hold it near my rectum and feel better instantly.

Did I mention they eat the shit that comes out too?

Upvote the quality grooves! Now I know what to listen to today!

Mmmh - can't help making weird facial expressions listening and air-drumming to those phat licks - to the others in the office I probably look severely constipated or something..

This is what Max Payne should be. Not fat and balding. Not Mark Wahlberg. Just kickass!
(Though it's missing Sam Lake's constipated facial expression . . .)

Opiates are evil stuff, they make you feel like nothing really matters, that pink cloud.. I turn in to a ahole, i start stealing and treating the closest like crap. Fast addiction, fastest curve on any drug i've done. Absolutely wonderful if taken correctly, very hard to control and tolerance builds up fast making it also dangerous. Personally, i've been always uppers-man but heroin is the only one from the downer world that i could picture getting in trouble with. I keep my distance with it and have eradicated all h users from my life: you can't trust an opiate junkie, they WILL steal from you and snitch you up (the downside of that pink cloud, it clouds your morals big time...)

Oh, and prepare for constipation. That is no joke, watch what you eat, take a LOT of fibers and remember to keep yourself hydrated.

Sounds like he's having contractions or is constipated.

>> ^G-bar:

I think I'm gonna start using that "back your shit up" phrase....



Yeah, I used it to describe constipation to my doctor a while back.