They missed a number of other things GOP Jesus clearly must have said...

"Blessed are the warmongers."

"Blessed are the vain and narcist."

"Totally judge others, or I'll judge you." GOP Jesus points to his eyes, at the crowd then back at himself and back at the crowd. "I'm watching you."

They could have expanded the healing the sick section to have him say something like "heal the sick, but don't care if the debt crushes the life out of them, tell them they should have gotten a better job".

"They who have much on Earth will have more in Heaven, those who have little will be given even less."

"Don't be a light unto the world, be one of if not the reason most people leave the faith or are turned off the faith if they aren't in it."

"Many others will come in my name and say they are doing things in my name... they are totally real and fully approved by me."

And my personal favorite of GOP Jesus' teachings. "Let those who have sinned, totally throw stones, especially stones of hatred, bigotry and discrimination."

EDIT to add:

Oh and "don't render unto Caesar what belongs to Caesar, do all you can to keep as much for yourself, to hell with the public good... but don't forget to render unto me."

And of course "Ignore Sodom's sin, focus only one of the small supporting things they did, sexual immorality, and ignore the other supporting things like being hostile to foreigners, hate foreigners with all your heart, have no compassion for them. And when you read 'And this is the sin of your sister Sodom.' Ignore the sentence after that, because the Father was crazy that day. 'For she was a land of plenty and did little to help the needy and the poor in her borders.' Pfshh... as if. If you are a land of plenty, I tell you now, don't help the needy and the poor."

Love the period-accurate footwear.

Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag.(show it anyway)

I say unto thee, Sift of the week.

*parody *wtf

Adding video to channels (Parody, Wtf) - requested by ant.