If you really love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If not, it was never meant to be.

If you really really love something, hump it until it explodes.

Giggity.

>> ^quantumushroom:
Carlin was an unhappy little man and not because he got it wrong 96% of the time.
He's one of three famous successful people who was a failure, not because he didn't please 'me' but because he couldn't please himself


...in bed.

I prefer the term ocular erotica for my eyeball porn.

I'm going to play a song for you, and then later we shall analyse the lyrics:
"Kyle's mom's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch,
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world..."

Taken at face value, a bitch is a "malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman".

Somehow these lyrics don't seem to make sense and this makes a clear conclusion difficult.

Perhaps our approach was too literal.
Perhaps we erred in accepting the lyrics at face value.
Perhaps I should stop doing crystal meth.

...

I will now reveal to you what "bitch" really means.
It does not mean a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman as Cartman would mislead us to believe.
Bitch is the term for a female dog and is common vernacular among dog breeders.

...

Summation 2,375:
A dog, or canis lupus familiaris, was a form of Satan in the Omen series of documentaries. Cartman's actual purpose is to persuade heterosexual men to join the roving homosexual gangs (see Summation 1,372) and have sexual intercourse with dogs to produce the antichrist.

"Screw you guys. I'm going home." has a whole new meaning now.

The US sold cluster bombs to Israel but made them agree not to use them in civilian areas. Israel apparently violated the agreement in response to Hezbollah rockets raining on northern Israel. CNN clip

I don't know why ACORN didn't throw out the bad registration forms. It only costs $1000 for each form they withold from the government. With ten thousand bad forms that's only ten million in fines.

Maybe Rush didn't know it was racist because he couldn't hear it. The man loves his Oxycontin.

"What this says to me is that too many whites are getting away with drug use. Too many whites are getting away with drug sales. Too many whites are getting away with trafficking in this stuff. The answer to this disparity is not to start letting people out of jail because we're not putting others in jail who are breaking the law. The answer is to go out and find the ones who are getting away with it, convict them and send them up the river, too."
- Rush Limbaugh, Oct. 5, 1995

They have bad taste in ham. I thought it was too salty.

36% in a poll is a tie now?

That's great news for Bush. His approval rating is 32% according to FOX/Opinion Dynamics. Because Bush's approval rating isn't in single digits the country is split 50/50.

Just for reference, here's a detailed list of the Stages of Pre-Natal Development.

This looks like a video edition of The O'Reilly Factor for Kids.

The American economy is the greatest best economy God has ever given man on the face of the earth.

Is that some Red Drink she's having?

HFCS-55 and HFCS-42 are "made from corn" but so are some forms of plastic.

And "doesn't contain any artificial ingredients" is hilarious. It's made using a genetically modified enzyme and requires a huge amount of processing that refines it down to the point it no longer has anything to do with corn.
Due to the FDA having no definition of "natural", a product would have to be made of 100% ground ghosts to stop being natural. At least we can be assured it contains no supernatural ingredients.

CNW Marketing Research's Hummer advert/report has some pretty ridiculous distortions and assumptions in it. It assumes that 85% of "total lifetime energy use" of a vehicle is in manufacturing when scientific studies show 85% is in driving. It lies and says hybrid batteries aren't recycled when they are (some even have phone numbers on them to call for recycling instructions). Two models of Scion with nearly identical stats are in the report and are shown as drastically different. It assumes a Hummer H1 lasts 35 years and a Prius lasts 12 years without backing up their claim.

Also, this seems like a recycled talking point. Oil company "marketing research" groups had a similar argument against electric cars: Because you plug your electric car in at home, you're just moving the CO2 production to the powerplant with no benefit to the environment. But a large powerplant producing electricity wholesale is far more efficient then each car's engine. Plus the power source for your home could eventually be something non-pollutive like solar panels. And then there's the CO2 produced transporting the gas to each gas station.

Ya gotta look at it from their perspective. The idea of a politician actually representing Americans is so bizarre it must be plagiarism. Sure, the words don't match at all but where else could he have gotten these crazy ideas? He must have stole them.