never plant SCREAMING HOT peppers near the tomatoes.

BLT ends up as a BFH (bloody ****ing HELL!).

there you go. split your vacation time between England and Spain.

A few days in June - chase cheese then a couple of days in July - have the bulls chase you.

If the bull running goes askew, might get out of the hospital just in time for La Tomatina Festival. <---have done that when we clear out the garden for winter.

if anything might be very good personal research on both the NHS and SNS. You'd rule any national healthcare debate against anyone who would dare to oppose you!

cheese. steak. and tomatoes. call it your 'big mac' tour.


[and - no - wasn't being serious. one doesn't run from bulls, ya' ride them!]

moonsammy: great take. thumbs-up! crystalized my thoughts exactly!*

a couple of rules of comedy are 'know your audience' and [the joke] 'it has to be funny'. if there is no laugh, either you told it wrong, told it to the wrong person, or your wrong about it being funny. your audience is the final judge. not their duty to laff at your doody joke.

stukafox: okay [btw: the watermelon joke is very old] but not going w/the worst or nastiest, just with a few of old risqué ones.

novice is riding back to the convent w/the mother superior on their bicycles through the medieval section of the town. mother superior tells the novice "let's cut through this alleyway". the alley is long, rough and bumpy but the novice agrees. when they get back on the regular route the novice says, "that was new! I've never come that way before!" mother superior says, "it's the cobblestones."

a woman notices her neighbor's tomatoes are fully ripening while her's are still green. she asks him "how do you get your tomatoes to ripen so quickly?" he tells her, "I get up around dawn while I'm still in my bathrobe and open it and flash them. they get so embarrassed they turn red." women tells him she's going to try it but later in the evening. the next day, the neighbor sees the woman and asks "so? did it work?" the woman turns to tell him, "no. it didn't - but YOU SHOULD SEE MY CUCUMBERS!

an old woman was talking w/her younger friend. old woman tells her about some of the older woman in town. "oh! don't let them fool you! they were pretty wild in their day! " then she went on and listed all the men a trio of sisters went through and each tête à tête they had. the list was shockingly impressive enough that the younger woman said, "gee...maybe they couldn't help themselves...maybe they suffered from a hereditary disease?" the old woman cocks her head back and eyes the younger woman then says, "hereditary? hell! yes! it was! it was IN THEIR JEANS!!!"



*david letterman

That bear is gonna need some hydrogen peroxide, baking soda, and dishwashing liquid. Tomato sauce does nothing.