LOL, the way the mom comes skidding into the room like a cartoon character or Kramer in a Seinfeld episode gets me every time. The attempt to ninja the door shut with the clutch lunge at the end is just icing on the cake.

*explosive sounds of anal misery cascade across the bathroom stalls*

Foodie: "WHY DID I DO THIS TO MY STOMACH AND MY ANUS?"

Reporter: "Congratulations, sir, you are now the foodie ninja warrior. What are you going to do?"

Foodie: "I'm going to Disneyland so I can ride the teacups to acid reflux!"

No matter....once I drink the potion in the purple jade badger, my kung fu will be far superior!

Start at 1:24:04....it's Kung Fu Hulk!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpHDptpYfmc

Summary-https://ninjasallthewaydown.wordpress.com/2015/10/17/jade-dagger-ninja-1982/

All marching women should learn instruments and martial arts and then be roving bands of musical ninjas. Really, what are you going to do against that? There would be no reason for conflicts, people would just bow before the awesome might.

Fuck you grass, and fuck you mellon!!!!

From the music, I expected one of the ninja to be Don Johnson.

Go China, go China go! Go China, go China go! Wait, no, ninjas are from Japan -- are there ninjas in China? Hmmm...

No, I think those are called assassins. But Europe has assassins... what are Chinese ninjas called? Now I'm confused. But that's okay -- the experts at Yahoo Answers to the rescue:

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100203020944AA8ZKHv

"Ninjas are Japanese, In China there're kung fu masters."

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Just Ninja Things

Yeah, sign me up for the "this looks awful" train.

Right now, there is one thing that might make me want to see this and that's the fact that Simon Pegg wrote it.

Because Simon Pegg is awesome and he actually cares about this.

But I can picture the scene now...

INT: PARAMOUNT EXEC's office
SIMON PEGG: "I've just finished the screenplay for the new Star Trek movie"
PARAMOUNT EXEC flicks through script, obviously not reading it

PARAMOUNT EXEC: "Great.. great! great work, Si (can I call you Si?) Now can we add some ninjas and dirt bikes?"

SIMON PEGG: "er, that's not really what it's about. And please don't call me Si."

PARAMOUNT EXEC: "Thanks Si! So we'll have those ninjas and dirt bikes in the next draft. Also good news, you'll never guess who we got to direct it."

SIMON PEGG: "I was thinking maybe Duncan Jones. He did some great sci-fi with Moon."

PARAMOUNT EXEC: "nah, he's off making an extended blizzard cgi sequence! No, even better, we got Justin Lin!"

SIMON PEGG: "The guy from Fast & Furious? Why? why would you...."

SIMON PEGG breaks down crying

PARAMOUNT EXEC laughs maniacally

CUT TO : Ext GENE RODDENBERRY's grave

GENE RODDENBERRYs corpse spins out of grave

Yup, this is on track to be the worst star trek film ever (OK, maybe second worst).

They used less ninjas and dirtbikes in this trailer, but I still remember they have them in there!

it's like the robot version of ninja cat https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdqM0ZsO2rY

Heavy Metal Pirates, eh? These guys need to tour with Heavy Metal Ninjas!