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Videos (198) | Sift Talk (10) | Blogs (19) | Comments (1000) |
Videos (198) | Sift Talk (10) | Blogs (19) | Comments (1000) |
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Walk of NO shame with Amber Rose
That must be why I feel guilty when I masturbate.
Funny, I never thought of it as being ashamed that you had sex, just that you had sex with a specific person.
Is Masturbation Good For You?
I know exactly what you did there....
Not that I'm judging or anything. I'm all about masturbation myself.
I'll be in my bunk.
On Point with Sarah Palin 'Interviews' Donald Trump
Utterly embarrassing, puerile, mutual masturbation. Also, anyone who lists a brain washing work of fiction - the bible - as their favorite book, is delusional and, as such, unfit for high office.
Planned Parenthood VP Says Fetuses May Come Out Intact, Agre
Ever masturbate? You just did the equivalent of what an early term abortion is. It's a whole whack of cell goop that just gets taken away.
Also, killing any human after it's born is kinda.. you know, illegal? Pretty sure that may be a load of crap.
I don't know about any of these videos (haven't watched them). But it is a fact Planned Parenthood kills babies before they are born. It is also a fact that they have killed babies after they were born. No difference in effect, so why not?
And it is a fact they must dispose of the children's bodies somehow.
It's no surprise to me that they must discuss this at some point, and the costs involved.
Perhaps these videos are fake - they should be exposed as such. To me, the videos are irrelevant to the issue.
Cat shaming ft. Cole and Marmalade
My cat at least has the decency to look ashamed and walk away when I'm masturbating.
Frozen Lullaby by Garfunkel and Oates
*promote (got me by 5 min)
When a man doesn’t love a woman very very much
He signs away his paternal rights and jizzes in a cup
Then with lots of money and scientific genius
Hormones, pain and of course, um… Jesus
The process begins the way god intended
With a transvaginal ultrasound
With a wand longer than a ukulele
When it comes out of my body, it makes this sound (pop)
I give myself daily intradermal injections
An acute blood thinner and estrogen concurrence
Cryopreservation through hormonal activation
And none of it’s covered by insurance
Then I’m knocked out and you’re removed
And combined with a stranger’s come
And as the saying goes
You win some, you lose some/you dispose of the defective ones in a hazardous waste bin
And then you’re frozen until I’m certain
It’s time to unthaw you into a person
Then you’ll expire or you’ll make the grade
And that, my darling, that’s how babies are made
(It’s so easy and natural)
CHORUS:
Hush little egg baby don’t say a word
Mama’s gonna freeze you til she gets rich
And when that day finally arrives
You’ll be constructed in a petri dish
With sperm donor 8w6-3
The silent partner of our family
So hush little egg baby don’t be sad
Just because I never fucked your dad
VERSE 2:
I know there are orphans everywhere
But I’m going to pretend that isn’t real
Don’t look at me like that just cause I admit it
You had kids and you knew the deal
Yeah I feel guilty about overpopulation
And ruining the environment for forever
But Osama Bin Laden had 20 kids
So fuck you or whatever
Sadly procreation is not a meritocracy
And we need to prevent a real life Idiocracy
Though it may be the ultimate form of narcissism
It’s also a way to re-reverse reverse Darwinism
Gonna mute the sound of that ticking clock
I just need the sperm now I don’t need the cock
My ovaries are like hey girl I’m over here
And I’m all like shhhh
I want all the stuff I don’t need a bucket list
It doesn’t make me greedy it just makes me feminist
Now I’m thinking back through all the guys I’ve dated
If they heard this song they’d fucking hate it
CHORUS:
Hush little egg baby don’t you cry
You’ll have the best genes mommy can buy
I don’t want to wait until I get in dire straights
My friends say if I want kids I should go out on some dates
But these working bitches don’t have time to leave it to the fates
The world deserves more Riki’s and the world deserves more Kate’s
So hush little egg baby dad’s are overrated
He did what mattered when he masturbated
BRIDGE:
Hush little egg baby just hold firm
Mama’s gonna buy you designer sperm
And if that sperm gives you random traits
Mama’s gonna test your dna
And if your dna doesn’t make things clear
Mama’s gonna just have to live in fear
And if that fear turns into guilt
Mama’s gonna hold onto what we built
And if I hold too tight as to suffocate
I’ll buy you lots of things to overcompensate
And if that overcompensation’s too transparent
I’ll pretend it’s somehow better with no male parent
And if you say but mom who’s my dad
I’ll say I don’t know and it’s just too bad
And if that badness forms a hole in your heart
I’ll want to make it up to you but won’t know where to start
I’ll probably start by saying it’s just you and me
And there’s no such thing as a normal family
So fuck being normal and let’s do this shit
Momma’s gonna freeze you til she… gets…. rich
Closet cat insists on privacy
You can't hide from ceiling cat, especially if you're masturbating.
Hiding from ceiling cat.
Just your everyday harassment, courtesy of the NYPD
Oh come on man, they're not all bad. Some cops are actually pretty nice. It's like with the pedophiles, they're not all rapemonsters, some just wanna give you candy and masturbate when you're not looking.
I also got a Hitler variant of that joke, if you're interested.
Sadly this is not an isolated incident, it is how cops normally operate.
More and more cops are proving they aren't only bad cops, they're bad people, with fewer and fewer exceptions. Liars all. If you ever end up on a jury, remember to not believe a word the officer says, they can't be trusted...ever. When you're trained to lie as part of your job, not a word you say should ever carry any weight.
COMPLETELY not-safe-for-work standup comic: Jim Jeffries
Tags for this video have been changed from 'comic, offensive, obscene, sex, masturbation, amsterdam' to 'comic, offensive, obscene, sex, masturbation, amsterdam, Jim Jefferies' - edited by eric3579
Australian Scuba Diver Films Stunning Spider Crab Pyramid
Somewhere, Sig Hansen masturbates furiously . . .
Who made the mess?
I'll have to remember this trick the next time I'm masturbating in the living room and someone is about to walk in. Stick a Kleenex box over my head, pure genius.
Someone stole naked pictures of me. This is what I did about
No, there is a world of difference between having a responsibility for your plight and choosing how you respond.
The correct response to being assaulted, robbed, or otherwise offended against, is never to bow down to what your attackers want. You can apply this logic to all kinds of situations.
Don't want cat calls? Don't wear a sexy outfit.
Don't want to be gay bashed? Don't go into the rural south.
Didn't want to be shot? Shouldn't have published those cartoons.
FUCK
THAT
SHIT
But funnily enough, no-one ever tells a white guy that if he didn't want to be car-jacked, he shouldn't be driving that corvette.
It's pretty fucking awful that the assholes who stole the photos manage to be both puritan and lecherous at the same time. Telling the woman she's a slut for posing naked whilst masturbating to the images. It's the height of hypocrisy.
And meanwhile, you have a bunch of guys telling her what she should or shouldn't do in the privacy of her own home.
If victims have no responsibility for their plights, then they have no ability to respond and they will forever remain victims.
Eufrat Tours The Factory Where They Make Her Vagina
Bizarre.
Masturbation is serious business.
Edit: Oh god those suggested videos!
The Secrets of Quantum Physics - Einstein's Nightmare
I agree. It starts with "Shut up and calculate" and ends with nothing useful. I'm not sure we're moving forward with anything but mathematical masturbation at this point. It's very frustrating.
Chick Chick-China out WTF's Japan
LMFAO!!
not sure if I should masturbate or slit my wrists.
Somehow, I think knowing the translation would only ruin this masterpiece.
I'm sending you some points Newt, since I can't promote this myself!
Congrats on the well earned gold!
树皮咕咕鸡