SO fucking painful.

*quality

Boosting this quality contribution up in the Hot Listing - declared quality by Fade.

College degree joke, Sperm joke, Death Penalty joke .. but it all worked out

"I really didn't know how bad things were until the cameras went off. The smiles immediately disappeared from the hosts' faces, and they wouldn't even look at me. I began to walk back towards the green room when a crazed woman started frantically calling me out into the hallway. I knew it was about to hit the fan because the crew wouldn't even look at me-They knew I was about to get pounded.

The woman shook my hand, introduced herself as the Executive Producer, and said, "You really just f**ked us bad." The next few minutes I was kind of in shock, like after a car accident, and as she was escorting me out of the building she was yelling about how sponsors would back out, "This was the worst f**king sh*t that had ever f**king happened to them," etc. Basically, telling me that I had destroyed NBC 10. Perhaps all of television!

Well, the whole thing is funny now. It wasn't that day, though, and she almost f**ked me over that night at Helium because I was an anxious wreck the rest of the day. I kept picturing all of these children spending the next few years in intense therapy, right next to the children of people killed on 9/11, and those kids would be thinking, "Jesus, we really don't have it bad at all; these kids are really messed up!"

But I got my sh*t together (kind of), and after some booze I did a pretty awesome set in front of friends, family, and a large crowd of strangers."

None of those jokes are inappropriate for children.

it's funny cause he has no charisma = P

Oh this is nothing! I've got in my possession the DVD of a talent contest one of my friends kids was involved in. The compere DEFINITELY knew who is audience was, he was one of the fucking scouts and he's not much cleaner that Jimmy Carr. I'll get round to editing it one day, it's absolute gold