Somebody find that asshole and feed him to a plant.

Seriously, people who do this to random elderly strangers should be made quadriplegic by the state before their prison sentence in gen pop.

Perfect for the hyperactive quadriplegic.

And thats how you become a quadriplegic.

I can't imagine what it's like to be a quadriplegic, but you can always listen empathetically and TRY to understand.

You Sir, are a brave man. To be able to live as a quadriplegic is something i would never have the fortitude to endure. I, TRULY, wish you well.

His did cut away his chute. (he had a parasail that got cut away) when he is looking up at the end, the blue thing is the secondary.

I always wonder why it's ok to watch a video where the guy is a quadriplegic, but if he died it is snuff. The only reason he lived is someone giving him rescue breathing, I'm guessing he is still on a ventilator.

I was just comming back to say this - you beat me to the punch...

"He became known as "The Man Who Broke the Bat" when he broke Batman's spinal cord, forcing Bruce Wayne to give up the Batman persona while he recuperated." - http://batman.wikia.com/wiki/Bane
>> ^charliem:

Bane breaks batmans back in the comics...literally makes the guy a quadriplegic....seems like one way to give the dark night series a solid end

Bane breaks batmans back in the comics...literally makes the guy a quadriplegic....seems like one way to give the dark night series a solid end

I'm a big fan of dark, witty and intelligent humor, but also of corny humor if delivered ironically. I do a lot of goofy things that nobody else will ever see or hear because they amuse me. A few years ago I was digging up pictures of Gothic architecture and churches to use as reference. I named the folder I threw them in "Holy Shit". It wasn't witty or intelligent, but it made me laugh to myself a little bit.

Toilet humor died a long time ago for me. It's too obvious. I've already thought of the punchline by the time you've gotten to it.

It's become apparent to me that my favorite humor is not the favorite humor of the Sift in general, based on which of my comments get applauded. This, for example, is one of my highest-voted jokes and yet I thought it was totally obvious and not especially funny. This, this, this and this, however, are hilarious to me.

fuck the cop, but even more so fuck that lying bastard lawyer. i hope he gets into a car crash and become quadriplegic. fucking money grabbing soulless bastard without a gram of ethics.

Thanks to everyone who participated in this fine roast. I’d like to take a moment to thank gwiz665 for his undeniably unsubstantial role as masters of ceremonies. His highest ranked comment: *sticky. I’ve seen more participation from an armless lifeguard. I guess he’s too busy stalking alien_concept. Fuck that creepy douche.

And I’d like to give thanks to burdturgler for getting drunk (or not taking his medication), leaving the majority of attention-whoring posts, and ultimately becoming disgruntled and embittered like the girl who couldn’t get a date to the prom but went any way so to not lose face. In the end, of course, she does lose face, and I think we can all see that to be evidenced here, as well. Burdturgler is a Xanax away from climbing to the top of a Texas University clock tower.

And to ReverendTed... Who?

And to Shepppard... No one likes you. The only thing I know about you is your depraved admiration for cops who taze little girls in the skull. Shepppard was that disturbed guy in high school who pretended to be allergic to soap and was expelled for being caught in class shoving unhatched bird eggs up his bung until they cracked and seeped back out. Looked like swollen cabbage vomiting urine.

And thanks, as always, to dotdude for facilitating these roasts and refusing to say anything unpleasant. Be a prick for once, you bastard! You’re so agreeable if berticus broke into your home and raped you, you’d offer to cuddle him afterwards. Speaking of berticus, has anyone else ever met a nastier more dangerous gay? I mean, if you speak more than two sentences with the guy, he always brings it back to fucking you. Berticus is to the gay community what Ted Bundy is to the straight community.

And, did everyone notice what alien_concept did with my name? Isn’t that precious? I was expecting her to knit me a sweater or something girly, but instead she made an acronym of my name. I mean, yeah, she could’ve been original, but we can’t be too tough on her. She does, after all, have a vagina. We should be proud that she has learned how to use a computer instead of covering it with glitter and trying to bake pies inside it. A bit of future advice for you broads: less talkie, more suckie.

And deputydog... I think we’re all tired of your douchebag self-portrait avatar. We get it, you think you’re sexy and you want everyone to see you. I think you may be trying too hard. Everyone knows berticus doesn’t care what you look like; he’d fuck anything with an asshole.

And rasch187, so glad you could manage some extra time to show up outside of your candlelight vigils for the countless choggie sockpuppet accounts I’ve instabanned throughout the year. Let me lighten the mood with a joke... Hey, what do they call smart people in Norway? Swedish tourists.

And xxovercastxx, it’s obvious the concept of a comic book grading system is lost on you, much like the concept of turning down your volume when a video is too loud. And, don’t pretend you’re above the puerility of a good roast, you big silly narcissist; let’s not forget the time when you roasted yourself (http://cult.videosift.com/talk/Let-me-have-it).

Hey rottenseed. Roasting. You’re doing it wrong. Take joedirt’s penis out of your mouth and come up with some snappier jokes. You made a list. A list? We’re not going to the grocery store; we’re having a roast. I am petitioning you to remain hobbled until you find your funny. Speaking of finding the funny, that goes for you, too, ponceleon, you unfunny bastard. You’re also boring and uninteresting. For example, ponceleon has contributed two worthless Talk Posts; one about Appletinis and the other about Hulu being blocked outside the US. Riveting. He is to a talk post what Nickelback is to Rock n’ Roll.

Am I the only person here who thinks JiggaJonson didn’t even try to be relevant, let alone funny? Something about me raping his mother and murdering his father? Way to bring the lulz, JJ. You’ve only just surpassed Ryjkyj who is not worth writing more than a sentence over. Done.

Look who showed up! Randomize! I have to admit I’m surprised to see you’re back after you made that pledge to leave the Sift for the VideoSift for Vampires. Did you grow tired of choking on your own masturbatory pretension?

And, thanks to the corn-husking Nebraskan MrFisk who, most people don’t know, has lived through a broken spine. Damn shame. That. You. Lived. If only we banned your quadriplegic ass the first time. It’s good to also see your sockpuppet account, thinker247, is here to take time off from his usual hobbling or Siftquisition. Damn, you’re so vile even your sockpuppet is in danger of being banned.

Sagemind wrote me a poem. Ass. Please read my above comment to rottenseed about roasting and doing it wrong. This also goes for you imstellar28. Why do all Objectivists seem to miss the point of every fucking thing? And vairetube, or as I like to refer to you: westy-lite. Your spelling is better than his, but... yeah... what the fuck, dude? Did you roast me or was that a stream of conscious letter to Santa Claus asking him for shellfish?

[edit] And Crosswords, I totally skipped you. You're probably used to that, though, being that you're so unremarkable in every way. Hell, I tried to find something interesting on you, but could only find this. So, fuck you for being too boring to make fun of.

Anyhow, thanks to all of you who showed up and gave it your best shot. At least you tried. Fucking douches.

>> ^Bhruic:
The two "interviews" are horrible - they both knowingly committed illegal acts, and then get all whiney when it actually has consequences.

Well, the whole point was to show how the punishment does not fit the crime.

Do you think the quadriplegic that died in prison was whining too much?

Do you think the guy who was raped multiple times whined too much?

I want to slap this guy. He goes on and on about robots being emotionless, but completely fails to mention that we have NO combat robots that are autonomous.
And then with the slide show - He's showing exoskeletons and all that jazz and then busts out a picture from the Braingate project. Seriously? You're comparing a technology that allows a quadriplegic to have very limited use of a computer to that of humans interfacing with combat robots?

What really made me laugh was the side-by-side of the Star Wars AT-ST and the Japanese walker mech.

First of all, you're a douche. ZOMG! Not some piece of shit "mech" that simulates walking by gliding on wheels made by some guy in his garage out of sheet metal!

Secondly, he seems to willfully neglect that these machines are NO different than a predator drone, a M1A1 Abrams tank, or a 2004 Toyota Camry.

They all require an operator.

>> ^Drachen_Jager:
The most painful point I know is at the base of the jaw. If you go right underneath where the jaw joins the skull (below the ear) push your thumb in and twist. On an opponent it works best with both thumbs, one on either side of the head. I don't know anyone who's had that move properly applied to them who could hold out.

Works best if your opponent is a quadriplegic

no its not genetic, you really can do something about it. Get of your fat ass and do something else besides whine about politics ad eat McDonalds. I dont think its right to charge people for how they treat themselves, but healthy people do more for society too, logically, they move more, and are awake longer.
Why the fuck would you not use your body?, quadriplegics must think obesity is retarded