We'll begin with box, and the plural is boxes;
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.

Then one fowl is goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

The cow in the plural may be cows or kine,
But the plural of vow is vows, not vine.

I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
If I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth, and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

If the singular is this and the plural is these,
Why shouldn't the plural of kiss be named kese?

Then one may be that, and three may be those,
Yet the plural of hat would never be hose;

We speak of a brother, and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.

The masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine she, shis, and shim!

So our English, I think, you all will agree,
Is the craziest language you ever did see.

I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?

Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, slough, and through?

Well done! And now you wish, perhaps
To learn of less familiar traps?

Beware of heard, a dreadful word,
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.

And dead; it's said like bed, not bead;
For goodness sake, don't call it deed!

Watch out for meat and great and threat;
They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.

A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth in brother.

And here is not a match for there,
Or dear and fear for bear and pear.

And then there's dose and rose and lose,
Just look them up, and goose and choose.

And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword.

And do and go, then thwart and cart.
Come, come, I've hardly made a start.

A dreadful language? Why, man alive,
I'd learned to talk it when I was five,
And yet to write it, the more I tried,
I hadn't learned it at fifty-five!

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But does it have dynamic beard growth?

David Letterman's beard is a glorious thing to behold.

And as usual, Trump never passes up an opportunity to be creepy as fuck.

I mean..., It would be better is he had a black beard!!!!

*doublepromote a cameo from an old friend of mine, ... P.K. Dwyer! He's the busker with the grey beard playing guitar outside the original Starbucks @2:43!

Jesus.... Louis CK without a beard... the horror.

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Yeah, it's been a while for me too. The best one I remember was living off Valencia street in the Mission district of San Francisco. I dropped, went to sleep for a hour and woke up and the floors literally had mist flowing through the apartment like some sort of ethereal fantasy movie. When I went outside the fence was waving/bending in a mesmerizing way and the houses were continually sinking into the ground. I looked at some flowers and they were infinitely growing. The best part was looking in the mirror, it was like one of those youtube videos where someone takes a photo of them-self every day for a year - every second it was like a different photo of myself except very organic watching myself grow old, bald and with a beard and then back to normal, lol. It was fun, but I'd never do it again without some anti-anxiety pills around for the last 6 hours which I found to be fairly annoying. Plus, as Shpongle puts it "LSD? Do DMT." (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3cgNm_f2ow)

I don't know a Bass from a Baritone but that guy with the beard was awesome.

your face has a beard!

Tina has a beard.