Why is that dude wearing old grandpa jeans and a nondescript sweater. As Chief of Apple, he should be wearing a glossy white tux and futuristic shades. Like Kraftwerk or something.

It's almost ten o clock see i got a ball of lifted property
so i slid my beenie hat on sloppily
and promenade out to take up a collection
i got game like i read the directions
i 'm wishing that i had an automobile
as i feel the cold wind rush past
but let me state that i am a hustler for real
so you know i got the stolen bus pass
just as the bus pulls up and i step to the rear
this ole lady look like she drank a forty of fear
i see my ole school partner said his brother got popped
pay my respects
can you ring the bell we came to my stop
the street light reflects off the piss on the ground
which reflects off the hamburger sign as it turns round
which reflects off the chrome of the bmw
which reflects off the fact that i am broke
now what the fuck is new
i need loot i sweat the motherfucka
in the tweed suit
and i'm on his ass quicker than a kick from a grease boot
eased up slow and discreet
could tell he was suspicious by the way he slid his feet
didn't wanna fuck up the come on
so i smiled with my eyes said hey how it's hanging guy
bumped into his shoulders but he passed with no reaction
damn this motherfucka had a hella of andrew jacksons
i'm a thief or pickpocket give a fuck what you call it
used to call em fat cats.
i just call them wallets getting federal aint just a klepto
master card or visa i'd gladly accept those
sneaky motherfucka with a scam know how to pull it
got a mirror in my pocket but that wont stop no bullets
story just begun but you already know
aint no need to get down shit i'm already low

My footsteps echo in the darkness
my teeth clenched tight like a fist in the cold sharp mist
i look down and i hear my somach growling
step to burger king to attack it like a shaolin
i never pay for shit that i can get by doing dirt
link up to the girl cashier and start to flirt
all up in her face and her breath was like murder
damn the shit i do for a free hamburger
(girl )"well you got my number you gonna call me tonite"
it depends is them burgers attached to a price
"sorry sorry"
im just kidding i'ma call you write you love letters
"it's all good"
thanks for the burgers emm hook me up with a dr pepper.
(girl)thats cool you want some ice
yeah and some fries will be hella nice
(girl) damn my managers coming play it off okay have a nice day
im up outta here anyway
i use peoples before they use me
cos you could get got by an uzi over an oz
thats what an og told me
gots to find someplace warm and cozy to eat the vittles that i just got
came to an underground parking lot
this place is good as any fuck its all good
walked in found a car hopped itself up on a hood
ate my burger threw back my cola
somebody said hey it was a rented pig i thought it was a roller
"want me to call the cops?"
i dont want them to see me
looked down and saw that i was sitting on a lamboughini
it was rollses ferraris and jags by the dozen
a building door opened
damn it was my cousin
getting offa work dressed up no lie
tux cummerband and a blackbow tie
i was like hey
"who is it"
me
"oh whats up man i just quit this company
they hella racist and the pay was too low "
i said arite what was up in there though
"a party with rich motherfuckas i dont know the situation
i know they got cabbage owning corporations
ibm chryslers and shit is what they seeing"
just then a light bulb went off in my head
they be thinking all black folks is resembling
gimme your tux and i'll do some pocket swindling
fit the change in the bathroom and i freeze off my nuts
lets take a short break
while i get into this tux
grunt zipp
alright i'm ready

Fresh dressed like a million bucks
i be the flyiest muthafucka in an afro and a tux
my arm is at a right angle up silver tray in my hand
may i interest you in some caviar mam
my eyes shoots round the room there and here
noticing the diamonds in the chandelier
background barry manilow copacobana
and a strong ass scent of stoagies from havana
what no place where a brother might been
snobby ole ladies drinking champagne with rich white men
allrite then lets begin this
nights like this is good for business
five minutes in the mix noticed several diffrent cliques
talking giggling and shit
well one mother fucka gave me twits
and everbody else jacking it throttling
found out later you know coca cola bottling
talking to a black man who he's confused
we looking hella bourgie
ass all tight and seditty
recognzed him as the mayor of my city
who treats young black man like frank nitty
mr coke said to mr mayor "you know we got a process like ice t's hair
we put up the fund for your election campaign
and oh um waiter can you bring the champagne"
a real estate fronts as opportunities arousing
to make some condos out of low income housing
immediately we need some media heat
to say that gangs run the street and then we bring in the police fleet
harrasing me everbody till they look inebriated
when we bought the land motherfuckas will appreciate it
dont worry about the urban league or jesse jackson
my man that owns marlboros
donated a fat sum
thats when i step back some to contemplate what few know
sat down wrestle with my thoughts like a sumo
aint no one player that could beat this lunancy
aint no hustler on the street could do a whole community
this is how deep shit can get
it reads macaroni on my birth certificate
poontang is my middle name but i cant hang
i'm getting hustled
only knowing half the game
shit how the fuck do i get out of this place.

Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)

Wow, this is all so completely unexpected.

[pulls speech from tux]

Thanks KP and everyone for the lovely pictures. I haven’t actually worn a tux since my prom. It had a plum cumberbun and matched my girlfriend’s hand sewn dress. (Theme: Heaven. Theme song: Bryan Adams –Heaven)

That reminds me, A few weeks before the prom we went out and “parked” at Lion’s Park behind the loop road (you know the place) and cops came and shone flashlights on us until we dressed and drove away.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes – the prom. We didn’t rent a limo, I drove my 1984 clapped out Ford Tempo. It was a pretty sweet ride – but looked out of place pulling up into the hotel where the dance was actually held. The valet kind of sneered at me as he took the keys. I don’t remember much about the rest of the night …

All those moments – not that they were great moments - are gone. But at least every single thing I’ve ever said on VideoSift is here forever. (you were wondering how I’d bring it around, right? Bam! Toastmasters, baby!) Outside of my fab family – videosift is my raison d'être, and I vow to you that it will never die. (unless we run out of money)

So thanks to everyone who continues to make this community flourish, grow and feed my enormous ego. Thanks also to my compatriot Lucky and my tolerant family.

Tags for this video have been changed from 'david mitchell, rant, smart, tux, modern man' to 'david mitchell, rant, smart, tux, tuxedo, modern man' - edited by calvados

junior year of high school. me in a tux running perpendicular to a 20' stretch limo. similar stunt, half the weight, same result.

I'm pretty sure that that tux will never be the same after it's been underwater as well...

"I don't really like games" -- proprietary game designers don't like linux, but I play tremulous all the time. and half-life engines apparently runs fine under wine.
edit movies : many professional grade movie edit/render packages run on unix, some are even free(as in speech) or have free derivatives.
excel spreadsheets: ??? I only have 3 apps that do this.

I think the tux, the fact that he is pale, the ridicule, and that he crashes the other two, are funny commentaries, but since ubuntu, the "only servers" claims are no longer true. Linux personified would not take that crap.

Tags for this video have been changed from 'shatner, keep it gay, rocket, tambourine' to 'shatner, nice, tux, rocket, man, elton, john, bernie, taupin, tambourine, keep it gay' - edited by my15minutes

Was browsing someone's flickr pics and loved the expression on the fox's face.

May change it to me @wedding in a tux. Was a rental tux, needless to say!

Yeah, what is a Fur Lease anyhow, zat like renting a tux???

Tux!

I'm glad that wasn't Tux!

ooooh, leather..cool. Oh please tell me DC had the glasses too. Wonder how many of the spazzy tux jackets made it to the prom

If you change him, I'll have to re-do the pic of him in a tux for goombasift

I think their mega-mokey looked better than King Kong. Especially in the tux?