ROTFLMAHS!!!

If you died and God was standing before you bathed in peace inducing angelic light performing miracles, but wasn't orange with a disheveled long hair squirrel on his head, you would deny his divinity and call him a liberal tool.

You are correct, if someone calling themselves God stands in front of me with what appears to be *I'm dead relatives I would assume either 1) I had gone bat shit insane or 2) some alien intelligence was trying to trick me into the matrix. The only time a being claiming to be God might have any credibility is after I'm dead, and even then I would be suspicious, maybe they just made me think I died.
The supernatural isn't real. There is no magic. Ghosts don't exist. Demons and angles aren't real. Neither is the Easter bunny, Santa Claus, manbearpig, nor the great pumpkin.
Any true God would know this, and know I don't believe in infantile fantasy, it would have intentionally made me that way. If unquestioning belief in the unbelievable is what it requires, it needs to put it in me.

Oh Bobby. What did I say that's untrue? I researched, did you? I didn't just repost another unverified political smear from a 100% untrustworthy source, did you? I offered facts you can verify, did you? Seems not, since you didn't even know this is a Trump administration creation, not Biden.

🤦‍♂️

It seems one of us does have difficulty with truth, fact, and reason. I'll gladly put it to a public vote which one, I'm certain enough of the outcome. After all, only one of us believes project veritas....nuff said.

*get it?

Wow, the lack of self awareness is unbelievable.

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I gotta squirrel story.
So when I lived in Mountain View, for Christ only knows what reason, the idiots in charge of power put this big-ass transformer thing on the corner of my property. The thing hummed with menace and I knew that shit wasn't right. But I didn't worry none because there was a big green metal cover over it that provided the same protection against horrendous death that a box of Kleenex would have provided the World Trade Center on 9/11.
One day, I'm standing on my balcony and drinking a beer. I mighta been stoned, too, only there's no 'mighta' that day. I'm watching the whorehouse across the street (really) and generally buzzing when I see a squirrel on the lawn. I hate squirrels. A motherfucking squirrel ate my bar fridge and fucked me outta the $50 I was selling it for on Craigslist (really).
Anyway, I got this longneck of Bud in hand and I'm working out whether I can brain the goddamn rodent with it when the neighbor's cat come rippin' ass from under the balcony and goes after Skippy.
Well here's some amusement!
The squirrel is running for it's pointless life and the cat is banking like a F-16 chasing an Iraqi MIG and I've already got $10 down on the kitty with a $3 over/under. I already know how this was gonna end and I was rootin' for it every step of the way.
Only it didn't.
The goddamn squirrel found the ONE way to get under that green metal cover I mentioned previously. The cat stops in amazement and I'm all pissed because I've been gypped outta Wild Kingdom's money shot.
A second later there's a flash like Ivy Mike going off from under the cover and an a concussive BOOM!! The fucking cover blasts off like a Space-X project gone horribly wrong -- or, in this case, delightfully right.
The cat jumps like 5 feet in the air and an arc of turds flies outta its butt, the cover returns to earth as a traffic hazard in the middle of Latham St., and the squirrel is basically vaporized. And now I'm the happiest motherfucker in Mountain View because dude, that shit was AWESOME!
I call out, "Babe! You won't believe what just happened!" 'cause you gotta totally share shit like that.
Then I realized everything is TOTALLY silent, like Little House on the Fucking Prairie silent.
"The power's out," my wife responds.
And it STAYED out for like two goddamn days while the putzes from the power company had to rewire pretty much everything that blew up.
Honey Badger didn't give a shit because Honey Badger'd copped an oz right before this shit happened. And as Fat Freddy taught us, "Dope will get you through times of no power better than power will get you through times of no dope." Or some shit like that. I dunno, I'm totally fucking baked right now.

Damn Squirrel. Probably voted for Trump.

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“Look! A squirrel” never fails, does it?

Note: while in high school, it was a moose, and worked equally as well. Says something about the 80‘s I guess.

those fart squirrels are pretty smart.

That baby squirrel sounds like he could use a few shots of WD-40.

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Nutty as a squirrels shit...
...and yet, curiously, not out mass-murdering anyone. Bob's camp can't make that claim.

So I'll tolerate the nutcases on the extreme left over the nutcases on the extreme right any day.