Code Monkey get up get coffee
Code Monkey go to job
Code Monkey have boring meeting
With boring manager Rob
Rob say Code Monkey very diligent
But his output stink
His code not "functional" or "elegant"
What do Code Monkey think?
Code Monkey think maybe manager want to write god damned login page himself
Code Monkey not say it out loud
Code Monkey not crazy, just proud

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey like you

Code Monkey hang around at front desk
Tell you sweater look nice
Code Monkey offer buy you soda
Bring you cup, bring you ice
You say no thank you for the soda cause
Soda make you fat
Anyway you busy with the telephone
No time for chat
Code Monkey have long walk back to cubicle he sit down pretend to work
Code Monkey not thinking so straight
Code Monkey not feeling so great

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey like you a lot

Code Monkey have every reason
To get out this place
Code Monkey just keep on working
See your soft pretty face
Much rather wake up, eat a coffee cake
Take bath, take nap
This job "fulfilling in creative way"
Such a load of crap
Code Monkey think someday he have everything even pretty girl like you
Code Monkey just waiting for now
Code Monkey say someday, somehow

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey like you

Why? The person at the front desk probably thought they were there to kill everyone & ran to get officers. Pulled over...yeah cuz it looks like you're about to rob a bank dipshit.

Whoa - is this fake?

Here's what I would've done -
knock on a nearby door of a fellow patron, but be discreet,
If no answer, knock on another door
when the patron answers, assert "Hello, I need your help, I'm naked and I've been locked out" -
could you please do me a favor and give me a towel and call down to the front desk and ask for a staff member to come up immediately, I'd really appreciate it.

That's what I would do.

Here's a good joke. Apparently one of Bill Clinton's favorites. A guy wearing a ski mask walks into a sperm bank with a gun and tells the lady working behind the front desk to open the vault. The lady pleaded with him, told him he must be confused because this was a sperm bank, not a real bank. But the man didn't let up, so she complied.

Inside the vault, he ordered her at gunpoint to drink a test tube of sperm. So she does. Then he holds the gun to her head and orders her to drink another. So she pops open another tube and downs it. Finally he orders her to do it one more time, and she does. After that he asks her, "How do you feel?" She replied, "I feel fine, I guess."

The man pulls off his mask revealing himself to be her husband and says, "See, it's not so bad, is it?"

i want to tell you about the creationist museum, which is funded by the same people who fund Don Mcleroy's campaigns and the other young earth creationist who have been elected to the board over the last decade.

so about 30 minutes south of my town is "dinosaur valley state park".
which is awesome. on the paluxy river and full of fossils.

just outside of the park however, is the creationist museum.
run by a man who awarded himself a phd from his own unaccredited university.
this man claims to have found proof that dinosaurs and man walked together along the banks of the paluxy river.
he fancies himself a jr paleontologist.

you can purchase replicas of his "proof" for $25, he of course can't display the ACTUAL proof because that's locked away in a safe deposit box somewhere.

the creation museum is housed in a small trailer filled with beautiful art work of the 6 day "creation" event. there is also a giant piranha in small, dirty fish tank. the existence of this giant piranha is supposed to prove that under certain conditions (special lights i think) that things can grow giant sized, and somehow that proves the earth was created in 6 day.

the main feature of the museum is an hour long video which details the creation and how the flood caused the continents to split, sent beautiful pink lights into the atmosphere, changed the climate and killed off the dinosaurs. in the video, mr. dr. phd, uses extremely large scientific sounding words rapidly and in succession. this causes some confusion. it caused my friend and i too look at each other and raise eyebrows to confirm that what was just said didn't actually make any sense. it made the family in the front row nod in understanding. we could tell by looking at them they'd never actually bothered to find out what words meant before seeing this video.

the museum also contained some plants. and i think what was supposed to be a replica of a hyperberic oxygen chamber, but i don't know why this was there. and i don't really remember now anyway.

at the front desk there are all kinds of books for sale. books written by mr. dr. phd explaining how dinosaurs walked with man, and how he discovered the proof along the banks of the paluxy river in the late 70's or something. we attempted to browse the books without laughing hysterically. but i had to go after we overheard the family talking to the volunteers at the counter about how someone found pterodactyls alive and well in south america recently. and the wife proclaimed that she often prays to god for an explanation of dinosaurs and how mr. dr. phd answered her prayers. after that i about lost it and had to go out to the parking lot so i could laugh a lot.

oh, also on the property is a large glass building that is the future of home of the new and updated creation museum. before mr dr phd decided to build that, he was going to build a huge biosphere and pump it full of pure O3. because if O2 is good for you, O3 must be really good for you, he was attempting to prove that it would turn him into a giant. But then, someone informed that O2 is actually mixed with heavy amounts of nitrogen before you inhale it, and that O3 is actually ozone and would kill him.

in conclusion,
please, please start messing with Texas.
though i'm sure if you do at least 26% of the population will just demand that we succeed from the union again.

EDIT: so it's been about 2 years since i've been to the museum, they apparently have a website now.
http://www.creationevidence.org/

The Last Ten Years

Cape Cod, rough time, always enough money for beer and Chinese food, but little more. Worked for a medical supply company, forty hours of weekly hell. I used to play with the prosthetic boobs when nobody was around. Shake the box and watch them jiggle. Got a dream job as a front desk clerk. No job lets you read and write like a front desk gig at a dinky motel. I had a favorite strip club where my favorite girl used to shoot me in the face with her panties. I pretended I didn't like it. She and I would talk about movies sometimes.

Roswell, tossed a resume in the mail and landed a whale of a job, programming. Great money, shitty people. Suddenly more than enough money for my bar tab, and I needed every cent. Met some friends. A few died, others moved away, the rest I hardly see because they got married, or got DUIs, or decided to quit drinking.

Throughout, I was writing poems. Some winners, some stinkers. Started a few novels that I never finished. I fall in love with my characters, the good ones. They're always very different. Old men, old women, lonely pervs, strippers, loser teens, the underachieving hero, the skeptical professional who finally sees the light.

Got laid off in January, 2007. Totally unexpected. Haven't seen a paycheck since. IRS wants me to give them money I don't have. And the only woman in this town who strikes my fancy is married to one of the coolest guys I know.

I dream of leaving Roswell every day.

Wage slavery. It's a bitch.

My favorite job in the world is working front desk at a sleepy motel. You get to read, write, and study to your heart's content, and as long as the cash drawer balances, you're usually okay.

Got my first contracting gig last week, and I think it's giving me stomach cramps. I like the people, but the project reminds me of the stuff that you see on the floor when you're house-breaking a litter of pups.

I can't figure out if I should stick it out and learn what I can, or dream up a really plausible lie so that I could bow out gracefully.

Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)

Your hobblement period is over. Collect your clothes from the front desk, don't be a recidivist now.

I'll be honest. There's no way I would read a message board post this long under any circumstances. But I'm upvoting it because I think its important that people thing persistence pays off.

In reply to this comment by legacy0100:
Guys, as much as this all sound nice and happy, 'hugging' and 'persuading' just wouldn't work in certain areas. I'll come right out and say you guys are being delusional here.

Just with that video kronospeidon posted, that biker probably ignored the cop's orders to stop and attempts to weave through. So cop had to use necessary force to stop him.

You might say 'you can be nice while enforcing the rule'. Oh yeah? You think these guys would give their own time, purposely stop for you and wait for you to order you around? Not in NYC at least.

You think nice words would've made him stop instead? He would've past right through without a glance. If he had listened to the first warning and stopped, sure, give him a hug, a kiss, a reach-around and what have you. But when you fail to obey, you gotta crack the whips in order to make them listen.


Do I think all that force was necessary just to enforce someone to wear a helmet? No, I do think it was excessive. But that's not the issue here. The main point I'm discussing here is that 'nice words would NOT have stopped this man'.

If the biker had listened to the cop in the first place, this never would've happened. But he purposely ignored the cop giving orders to stop.




I currently work in a Gym in New York City, and I've got a bunch of meatheads from the city coming in to the gym and do whatever they wanna do. They're all pumped up from the energy drinks and dumbells. They're hyper, loud and full of testosterone.

I was nice to them back when I first started working here. But then they how far they can push the line, and they test you over and over and over. You have to put your foot down otherwise you're the only one getting hurt. They don't see you as a person, but merely as a 'worker they can take advantage of'

You give someone a break, and the next day they ask for the same thing, and then something else. And if you allow this to continue, they'll keep pushing until they get everything.

They don't limit themselves, and then the rules go haywire. They ask to get a break. But then what happens to other members who adhere to those rules? They ask for the same favor now, and the rules are no longer valid.




You wanna know how my day goes? Let's say someone is not wearing proper gym attire. Trying to work out while they're still in their Jeans. I call out their name to tell them it's not allowed in here. And guess what, they just walk right past you.

But they DID hear you, but they CHOOSE to ignore it. They know that once they're past the front desk and into the main floor, they think it's a done deal. Because nobody wants to chase after a person, either because they're lazy or because it's not worth it.

But I personally get out of my station and chase them down. They call me a hard-ass for doing that. But I only do it because ONLY THEN they listen to you. Otherwise all they do is get past the front gate as fast as possible, not make eye contact, pretending to listen to their IPOD. And then do whatever the hell they want once they're inside the gym. Ignoring all the guidelines and rules.




This one time the guy knew I was following him downstairs to give him a warning, so he decides to go into the spinning bike room and locks the door. You can see right through the plastic windows. I know he can see me, but he CHOOSES to ignore me, pretending to ride the bike with his head down.

I knock on the door, mouthing 'come out'. You know what he does? He pretends he can't hear me over the loud music playing on the overhead sound system... LOL Is he in middle school? you might ask. Nope, the guy was 32 years old.




Guess what, this happened perhaps at least 3 times a week when I first started working at the gym. Back when I was being the 'nice cop'. Nowdays I don't give a damn about their feelings or whatever lame excuse they gotta give. I don't do them favors nor do I care what they have to say. And guess what, only after I act like an asshole was when they started listening to me.

Even still, there's still one or two people (sometimes girls, especially the ones in their late 20s to mid 30s) trying the same shit on me per week. I admit I'm still not used to dealing with these types. I feel uneasy when I have to 'act' tough and be an asshole. But you gotta do what you gotta do in order to enforce rules, otherwise nobody will listen to it.

Nowadays they know I don't do them any favors and know I'll do something about it when they ignore me, either by talking real loud about their bad behaviors and embarrassing them in front of everyone or putting a hold on their membership.



It's like being in a iron cage with a bunch of wolves. If you appear too nice, these fuckers will perceive you as 'weak'. And they take advantage of you until you do something about it. They try to assert themselves whenever they see an opening, it's like a fucking prison cell. Of course, not all of them are like that, but it only takes a few of them to push the line, and rest would mimic the same behavior because they now know it's possible.

And once they know how far they can push it, even the nice ones who never behaved such ways would start to do it. They learn from what others have been doing, so they learn to mimic the techniques and tries to pull off the same shit on you.

Environment you live in, and the culture that dominates is a scary thing. It really is.


That is why niceness is such a dangerous tool to use. It's a double edged sword.

Guys, as much as this all sound nice and happy, 'hugging' and 'persuading' just wouldn't work in certain areas. I'll come right out and say you guys are being delusional here.

Just with that video kronospeidon posted, that biker probably ignored the cop's orders to stop and attempts to weave through. So cop had to use necessary force to stop him.

You might say 'you can be nice while enforcing the rule'. Oh yeah? You think these guys would give their own time, purposely stop for you and wait for you to order you around? Not in NYC at least.

You think nice words would've made him stop instead? He would've past right through without a glance. If he had listened to the first warning and stopped, sure, give him a hug, a kiss, a reach-around and what have you. But when you fail to obey, you gotta crack the whips in order to make them listen.


Do I think all that force was necessary just to enforce someone to wear a helmet? No, I do think it was excessive. But that's not the issue here. The main point I'm discussing here is that 'nice words would NOT have stopped this man'.

If the biker had listened to the cop in the first place, this never would've happened. But he purposely ignored the cop giving orders to stop.




I currently work in a Gym in New York City, and I've got a bunch of meatheads from the city coming in to the gym and do whatever they wanna do. They're all pumped up from the energy drinks and dumbells. They're hyper, loud and full of testosterone.

I was nice to them back when I first started working here. But then they how far they can push the line, and they test you over and over and over. You have to put your foot down otherwise you're the only one getting hurt. They don't see you as a person, but merely as a 'worker they can take advantage of'

You give someone a break, and the next day they ask for the same thing, and then something else. And if you allow this to continue, they'll keep pushing until they get everything.

They don't limit themselves, and then the rules go haywire. They ask to get a break. But then what happens to other members who adhere to those rules? They ask for the same favor now, and the rules are no longer valid.




You wanna know how my day goes? Let's say someone is not wearing proper gym attire. Trying to work out while they're still in their Jeans. I call out their name to tell them it's not allowed in here. And guess what, they just walk right past you.

But they DID hear you, but they CHOOSE to ignore it. They know that once they're past the front desk and into the main floor, they think it's a done deal. Because nobody wants to chase after a person, either because they're lazy or because it's not worth it.

But I personally get out of my station and chase them down. They call me a hard-ass for doing that. But I only do it because ONLY THEN they listen to you. Otherwise all they do is get past the front gate as fast as possible, not make eye contact, pretending to listen to their IPOD. And then do whatever the hell they want once they're inside the gym. Ignoring all the guidelines and rules.




This one time the guy knew I was following him downstairs to give him a warning, so he decides to go into the spinning bike room and locks the door. You can see right through the plastic windows. I know he can see me, but he CHOOSES to ignore me, pretending to ride the bike with his head down.

I knock on the door, mouthing 'come out'. You know what he does? He pretends he can't hear me over the loud music playing on the overhead sound system... LOL Is he in middle school? you might ask. Nope, the guy was 32 years old.




Guess what, this happened perhaps at least 3 times a week when I first started working at the gym. Back when I was being the 'nice cop'. Nowdays I don't give a damn about their feelings or whatever lame excuse they gotta give. I don't do them favors nor do I care what they have to say. And guess what, only after I act like an asshole was when they started listening to me.

Even still, there's still one or two people (sometimes girls, especially the ones in their late 20s to mid 30s) trying the same shit on me per week. I admit I'm still not used to dealing with these types. I feel uneasy when I have to 'act' tough and be an asshole. But you gotta do what you gotta do in order to enforce rules, otherwise nobody will listen to it.

Nowadays they know I don't do them any favors and know I'll do something about it when they ignore me, either by talking real loud about their bad behaviors and embarrassing them in front of everyone or putting a hold on their membership.



It's like being in a iron cage with a bunch of wolves. If you appear too nice, these fuckers will perceive you as 'weak'. And they take advantage of you until you do something about it. They try to assert themselves whenever they see an opening, it's like a fucking prison cell. Of course, not all of them are like that, but it only takes a few of them to push the line, and rest would mimic the same behavior because they now know it's possible.

And once they know how far they can push it, even the nice ones who never behaved such ways would start to do it. They learn from what others have been doing, so they learn to mimic the techniques and tries to pull off the same shit on you.

Environment you live in, and the culture that dominates is a scary thing. It really is.


That is why niceness is such a dangerous tool to use. It's a double edged sword.

This was a great game and I was actually thinking about it a few days ago...

Funniest thing ever is if you enter in any cheat codes... the front desk will say over the PA system of your entire hospital:

"WARNING! A cheat is running the hospital!"
or
"The hospital administrator is chea-ting!"