A wise man once said:

And the men who hold high places
Must be the ones who start
To mold a new reality
Closer to the heart
Closer to the heart

And another wise man said:

I hope someday you'll join us.


And my dad once said:

The cream always comes to the top.

And Larry the Cable Guy once said:

Don't let your buttcheeks grow together.

It's simply running away from Larry the Cable Guy.

Larry actually replied to me on Twitter when I told him I was now a follower and an even bigger fan than before after I saw his interview. Here's what he said:

"Larry The Cable Guy ‏@GitRDoneLarry
@Brackstone thanks. More than that I'm an American and don't want to squander what those before me fought and died for. We must remain free."

You know there was once a time where roasts were given to those who have had a lifetime of achievement and greatness.CC is giving them to pretty much everyone. I mean larry the cable guy? really?

1. Hangover 2
2. Empire Strikes Back
3. Fight Club
4. Scarface
5. Dazed & Confused
6. American Beauty
7. Superbad
8. The Godfather
9. Are We There Yet?
10. There Will Be Blood
11. Road to Perdition
12. Coming To America
13. Airplane
14. Borat
15. Pee Wee's Big Adventure
16. American Pie
17. Ghost
18. The Graduate
19. The Karate Kid
20. Hangover
21. Death To Smoochy
22. Wedding Crashers
23. Half Baked
24. Fatal Attraction
25. Jerry Maguire
26. Little Shop of Horror
27. Tron
28. A Christmas Story
30. The Last Starfighter
31. The Dark Knight
32. Anchorman
33. E.T.
33. Along Came Polly
34. Wanye's World
35. Devils Advocate
36. 40 Year Old Virgin
37. Jaws
38. GoldFinger
39. Delirious
40. Full Metal Jacket
41. The Cooler
42. Ferris Bullers Day Off
43. Men In Tights
44. Men In Black
45. Blazing Saddles
46. Cable Guy
47. My Girl
48. Napolean Dynamite

It takes a certain kind of man to be a Nebraskan: Namely one who can maintain a BAC of at least .22 at all waking moments. A sufficient dose of meth may be an adequate substitute if alcohol is not readily available. Anyone unable to adhere to these rigid standards of Nebraska life may ultimately realize he lives in Nebraska and kill himself or flee to a less boring state (I hear experts are predicting Iowans will invent the written word in the near future).

This necessary drunken state explains why our roastee, @MrFisk, thinks Nebraska is the "bull's eye" of the continental US: he can't see straight. Though I suppose even if you were sober in Nebraska, your vision would be blurred by the constant flood of tears, stemming from the certain knowledge that, yes, you are in Nebraska. Even Larry the Fucking Cable Guy was smart enough to run into Kansas City, MO and start calling radio stations, pretending to be a southerner. Apparently that's a celebrity career for a Nebraskan.

Tags for this video have been changed from 'Comedy Central, Giraldo, roast' to 'Comedy Central, Greg Giraldo, roast, larry the cable guy' - edited by kulpims

I'm a little offended that Larry the Cable Guy is on a list of comedians.

Most of these were pretty good though, Chris Rock, Jeff Foxworthy & Eddie Murphy not withstanding.

Stephen Wright was great not only because of the impression but because that really sounded like a Stephen Wright joke.

All I could think of was "I swear, tractors is so dumb," uttered by Larry the Cable Guy in "Cars".

Have a listen:
http://www.entertonement.com/clips/zjytxpjkwb--Tractors-is-so-DumbCars-Larry-the-Cable-Guy-Mater-

Also, there was a *timeshift element in there.

>> ^volumptuous:
>> ^rottenseed:
I like how either Mac doesn't understand or don't think a majority of their child/liberal-arts major audience understands that PC stands for "Personal Computer", which a Mac is categorized as. Really the debate is about operating systems, but I guess they don't want to get too "technical" and scare off their market demographic.
Good job Mac, you are to PC's what Larry the Cable Guy is to comedians.

And I love your straw men.
Feels good to build em up and knock em down eh?!?

The fact that you're calling me out on straw man fallacy when the Mac itself is using straw man argument is golden...

You should eat your flintstones kids' vitamins to go with that dose of irony

>> ^rottenseed:
I like how either Mac doesn't understand or don't think a majority of their child/liberal-arts major audience understands that PC stands for "Personal Computer", which a Mac is categorized as. Really the debate is about operating systems, but I guess they don't want to get too "technical" and scare off their market demographic.
Good job Mac, you are to PC's what Larry the Cable Guy is to comedians.


And I love your straw men.

Feels good to build em up and knock em down eh?!?

I like how either Mac doesn't understand or don't think a majority of their child/liberal-arts major audience understands that PC stands for "Personal Computer", which a Mac is categorized as. Really the debate is about operating systems, but I guess they don't want to get too "technical" and scare off their market demographic.

Good job Mac, you are to PC's what Larry the Cable Guy is to comedians.

"Larry the Cable Guy" represents about 3/4 of what's wrong with this country.

-I hate when my girlfriend emasculates me because I won't have sex with her when she's on her period. I just hate pulling my dick out and it looking like I massacred a room full of people with it.

-I hate when people say "git 'er done" a la Larry the Cable Guy

-I hate when the guys that I work with wear polo shirts tucked into their jeans

I hate pleated pants. Dockers the most.

-I hate when people quote TV commercials as a source of their comedy, ie when somebody says "Can you hear me now?" repeatedly and then laughs afterward

-I hate when people talk shit about gay people for being gay. Seriously, why are homophobic guys so enamored with discussing gay people?

-I hate people calling house music "techno". It's not techno.

You know what, other that the first one, everything else comes from people at work.

Some one say Cable guy fight scene?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2O23EzxT-Ug