Voices scream.
Nothing's seen.
Real's a dream.

Bats, bats, bats In The Attic!
Bats, bats, bats In The Attic!
Bats, bats, bats In The Attic!
Bats, bats, bats In The Attic!

Ocarina of Time is by far the greatest video game experience of my childhood. When you think about it, it really is the kids who manage to fully appreciate and enjoy them.

Ofcourse, like so many other kids my N64 was a HUGE distraction from my schoolwork, my parents would only ever let me play it on the weekends, tucking it away in the attic most weekdays. I eventually discovered where my little "lifesupport unit" (the nickname my sister had given my N64) was hidden with the help of my dad's stepladder. Once or twice I remember my Dad coming home early from work and sh*tting myself, frantically trying to tuck the bloody thing away before he made his way through the front door. Looking back on the experience, I suppose it only served to make Ocarina of time all the more exciting.

>> ^legacy0100:

If all red squirrels are as cheeky as this bugger here, I think I just may have found my motivation to join the 'save the red squirrels' movement.


Try having one in your house. I had a few in my attic a couple years back. It's incredible how much noise the little fuckers can make and they never failed to sit in the ceiling right above my bed.

I caught 2 with mouse traps but by the time I was on the third, I wanted to beat him to death with my bare hands.

Good morning, The Worm, Your Honour,
The Crown will plainly show,
The prisoner who now stands before you,
Was caught red-handed showing feelings.
Showing feelings of an almost human nature.
This will not do.
Call the schoolmaster!
I always said he'd come to no good,
In the end, Your Honour.
If they'd let me have my way,
I could have flayed him into shape.
But my hands were tied.The bleeding hearts and artists,
Let him get away with murder.
Let me hammer him today.
Crazy.
Toys in the attic, I am crazy.
Truly gone fishing.
They must have taken my marbles away.
Crazy.Toys in the attic, he is crazy.
You little shit, you're in it now.
I hope they throw away the key.
You should've talked to me more often than you did.
But no! You had to go your own way.
Have you broken any homes up lately?
Just five minutes, Worm, Your Honour,
Him and me alone.Baaaaaabe!
Come to Mother, baby.
Let me hold you in my arms.
M'Lord, I never meant for him to get in any trouble.
Why'd he ever have to leave me?
Worm, Your Honour, let me take him home.
Crazy.
Over the rainbow, I am crazy.
Bars in the window.
There must have been a door there in the wall.
For when I came in.
Crazy.
Over the rainbow, he is crazy.
The evidence before the court is incontrovertible.
There's no need for the jury to retire.
In all my years of judging I have never heard before,
Of someone more deserving of the full penalty of the law.
The way you made them suffer,
Your exquisite wife and mother,
Fills me with the urge to defecate!
No, Judge, the jury!
Since, my friend, you have revealed your deepest fear,
I sentence you to be exposed before your peers.
Tear down the wall!

Damnit, she got of the attic again! That's the third time.

Time to call buffy, or the whoever was in the Japanese version.

>> ^arghness:
Incredible Basements?? What will they think of next? Amazing Attics?


FANTASTIC FOYERS!

Incredible Basements?? What will they think of next? Amazing Attics?

Dear America's Attic,

Your thanksgiving isn't real.

Sincerely,

God's America

This makes me think about the scene where the Goonies are in the attic and Mouth is sticking his tongue through the painting and screwing with Mikey. I would post a link to that scene, but I cannot find it on the net >.>

I don't think this is the highest valuation ever on the Roadshow. I pretty clearly recall seeing an episode where a woman had found a Spanish conquistador helmet in the attic of the house she bought, just laying up in the rafters. It was in perfect condition and inlaid with gold as I recall and was valued over 1 million by itself.

Point? Since when has Mr. Doofus ever had a point? He's the guy that the Democrats allow to be their crazy, cat-throwing aunt. Most of the time they keep him locked up in the attic. But every once in a while they unlock his door and take off his muzzle so he can jibber jabber. Then they take his verbal diarrhea and spoon it around HufPo, DU, and other leftist house organs for the fringe kook dogs to lick for a while. That's his only function. He's a guy the leftists use to toss red meat when they think the fringe kooks need something to chew on.

So he pops up and reads a laundry list of the Bush Administration's many failures. Yawn. Old news. What he isn't so keen on doing is making a laundry list of Barak Obama's many failures and how they are as bad or worse than Bush's.

For example - I don't really see a whole lot of people getting on Obama's case for 'taking his sweet time' in dealing with Haiti. During Katrina, people whined about Bush's slow response before the Hurricane had even left New Orleans. But the fact was Federal relief was already moving before the storm even hit, and things only got really bad because of the stupidity and sluggishness of Nagin and Blanco (Democrats). Haiti is a horrible disaster and things down there are deteriorating rapidly. Relief has been slower getting there than it was for Katrina, and yet I don't hear Mr. Doofus blaming Obama for that. Why is is OK to blame Katrina's bad outcome on Bush, but Obama gets a pass for Haiti? One simple answer... Blatant, obvious, naked, politically motived BIAS.

So I'm not impressed when Mr. Doofus rattles off a series of liberal, left-wing bones he has to pick with the Bush administration. He gets no points for that. You know what would be impressive? If he rattled off the huge, massive, impressive list of failures in the Obama administration, and his own Congress. It is at that point he would deserve some props for having a pair, and would show he was a person with principles. This? This just proves he's one more in a long line of liberal, left-wing, Democrat party lapdogs.

Just like I'm not impressed when Micheal Steele rips Democrats. Yawn. Why not rip into your own party Mikey and get after them for being big-spending, government program loving special interest tools? The Democrat party is in the process of practically HANDING you the House and maybe even the Senate this year. Why aren't you prepping your party to do the right thing and cut federal spending by 50%?

my house was built in 1956, its in fantastic condition and i have been slowly updating to make it more energy efficient. one thing i have yet to replace, because they are so fucking expensive and my house has so many of them, is the windows. when i had the inspection done the dude even told me not to open them because they are so old he thought the panes would crumble if handled too roughly. where i live its not uncommon for it to be 106F + in the summer and currently its 10F right now and dropping. so... we experience a bit of extremes and my energy bills are always high. (though much much lower than any apartment i ever lived in)

tell me more about this plastic. i think the plan i had originally was to slowly replace a window or two at time with solar windows. but theyre horribly expensive and i decided i dont really like how dark they look from the outside. kind of an eyesore. especially on a yellow house.

for my birthday a few years ago my stepdad came over and installed some insulation in the attic, which is great. and i bought a new AC and furnace with all kinds of extra fancy filters after i found out my asthmatic son is also allergic to everything in existence. that seems to have cut my energy bills by about a 1/4 and seriously reduced the amount of trouble he has with his asthma which has also saved me money on medicine. i dont even want to think about what kind of grossities were hanging out in a 50+ year old AC unit.

i also discovered some awesomeness last winter. i put electric blankets underneath the fitted sheet on all of our beds in the winter. turn them on about 5 minutes before we lay down and the bed is toasty warm when you get in. and most of the fall and winter you can shut the heater off at night. our blankets have timers on them, so they stay on for about 30 minutes. the bed stays warm all night and the hot air isnt blowing into the house all night making us all stuffy nosed and dry in the morning.

IT'S DECORATIVE
GOURD SEASON, MOTHERFUCKERS.
BY COLIN NISSAN

- - - -

I don't know about you, but I can't wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I'm about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it's gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is—fucking fall. There's a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.

I may even throw some multi-colored leaves into the mix, all haphazard like a crisp October breeze just blew through and fucked that shit up. Then I'm going to get to work on making a beautiful fucking gourd necklace for myself. People are going to be like, "Aren't those gourds straining your neck?" And I'm just going to thread another gourd onto my necklace without breaking their gaze and quietly reply, "It's fall, fuckfaces. You're either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you're not."

Carving orange pumpkins sounds like a pretty fitting way to ring in the season. You know what else does? Performing an all-gourd reenactment of an episode of Diff'rent Strokes—specifically the one when Arnold and Dudley experience a disturbing brush with sexual molestation. Well, this shit just got real, didn't it? Felonies and gourds have one very important commonality: they're both extremely fucking real. Sorry if that's upsetting, but I'm not doing you any favors by shielding you from this anymore.

The next thing I'm going to do is carve one of the longer gourds into a perfect replica of the Mayflower as a shout-out to our Pilgrim forefathers. Then I'm going to do lines of blow off its hull with a hooker. Why? Because it's not summer, it's not winter, and it's not spring. Grab a calendar and pull your fucking heads out of your asses; it's fall, fuckers.

Have you ever been in an Italian deli with salamis hanging from their ceiling? Well then you're going to fucking love my house. Just look where you're walking or you'll get KO'd by the gauntlet of misshapen, zucchini-descendant bastards swinging from above. And when you do, you're going to hear a very loud, very stereotypical Italian laugh coming from me. Consider yourself warned.

For now, all I plan to do is to throw on a flannel shirt, some tattered overalls, and a floppy fucking hat and stand in the middle of a cornfield for a few days. The first crow that tries to land on me is going to get his avian ass bitch-slapped all the way back to summer.

Welcome to autumn, fuckheads!

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2009/10/20nissan.html

attic.

not basement.

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