"Dad is fat."

holy shit, this one's straight out of a cartoon lol

Dads "increase in size", from finishing off the plates of their kids when they don't eat their dinner. A dad hates to see good food go to waste.

Ultimately, it's the kids fault.

Someone needs to edit the theme song of "Team America World Police" over this video.

"America, f*&k yeah! We're to fat to kick a soccer ball now!"

I like how the kid almost immediately starts plotting to work this to his advantage and switched into the "whoa is me, my NEW soccer ball is dead and YOU killed it! (hint, hint--toy store)" routine. Ah, we were such mercenary pricks at that age.

I'd rather throw it in the trash than wear it around my gut. It's a waste in both places.

That was going to happen even if he HAD connected. Soccer balls don't have THAT much inertia...

Agreed!
It took a while before I realized that was an option. You'd think it would obvious, but apparently not. Just don't eat it.