"Hahaha. Turn it over and spank its butt. I don't know. Hahaha."

Umm, hello, dumbass. Pull over and call 911 maybe? Perhaps turn the freaking camera off or put it down, pull the car over, and comfort the baby and baby mama? Freaking comedian.

Knowing the police they'd probably pull you over and give you a ticket for no child seat. At worst you could get t-boned or rear-ended and... not good.

*promote (got me by 5 min)

When a man doesn’t love a woman very very much
He signs away his paternal rights and jizzes in a cup
Then with lots of money and scientific genius
Hormones, pain and of course, um… Jesus

The process begins the way god intended
With a transvaginal ultrasound
With a wand longer than a ukulele
When it comes out of my body, it makes this sound (pop)

I give myself daily intradermal injections
An acute blood thinner and estrogen concurrence
Cryopreservation through hormonal activation
And none of it’s covered by insurance

Then I’m knocked out and you’re removed
And combined with a stranger’s come
And as the saying goes
You win some, you lose some/you dispose of the defective ones in a hazardous waste bin

And then you’re frozen until I’m certain
It’s time to unthaw you into a person
Then you’ll expire or you’ll make the grade
And that, my darling, that’s how babies are made
(It’s so easy and natural)

CHORUS:
Hush little egg baby don’t say a word
Mama’s gonna freeze you til she gets rich

And when that day finally arrives
You’ll be constructed in a petri dish
With sperm donor 8w6-3
The silent partner of our family

So hush little egg baby don’t be sad
Just because I never fucked your dad

VERSE 2:
I know there are orphans everywhere
But I’m going to pretend that isn’t real
Don’t look at me like that just cause I admit it
You had kids and you knew the deal

Yeah I feel guilty about overpopulation
And ruining the environment for forever
But Osama Bin Laden had 20 kids
So fuck you or whatever

Sadly procreation is not a meritocracy
And we need to prevent a real life Idiocracy
Though it may be the ultimate form of narcissism
It’s also a way to re-reverse reverse Darwinism

Gonna mute the sound of that ticking clock
I just need the sperm now I don’t need the cock
My ovaries are like hey girl I’m over here
And I’m all like shhhh

I want all the stuff I don’t need a bucket list
It doesn’t make me greedy it just makes me feminist
Now I’m thinking back through all the guys I’ve dated
If they heard this song they’d fucking hate it

CHORUS:
Hush little egg baby don’t you cry
You’ll have the best genes mommy can buy

I don’t want to wait until I get in dire straights
My friends say if I want kids I should go out on some dates
But these working bitches don’t have time to leave it to the fates
The world deserves more Riki’s and the world deserves more Kate’s

So hush little egg baby dad’s are overrated
He did what mattered when he masturbated

BRIDGE:
Hush little egg baby just hold firm
Mama’s gonna buy you designer sperm

And if that sperm gives you random traits
Mama’s gonna test your dna

And if your dna doesn’t make things clear
Mama’s gonna just have to live in fear

And if that fear turns into guilt
Mama’s gonna hold onto what we built

And if I hold too tight as to suffocate
I’ll buy you lots of things to overcompensate

And if that overcompensation’s too transparent
I’ll pretend it’s somehow better with no male parent

And if you say but mom who’s my dad
I’ll say I don’t know and it’s just too bad

And if that badness forms a hole in your heart
I’ll want to make it up to you but won’t know where to start

I’ll probably start by saying it’s just you and me
And there’s no such thing as a normal family

So fuck being normal and let’s do this shit
Momma’s gonna freeze you til she… gets…. rich

Wow.
Brutal, ballsy, berating of Biggie,
I wonder if mama was fat, would he be,
So quick to pick on another man's issues
Or would he feel badly, and hand him some tissues?
To dry up the tears that another made fall
by saying that he was too big to play ball,
or to feel, or be loved, or to be a real man,
or just sit in the heat without help from a fan.
His rhymes were OK, but the tempo was lacking
Like a long cooling drink, from a well they've been fracking.

Yeah, what's wrong with all those kids wanting to know the answers to sexual questions about their mamas?

Way TMI and no thank you.

...and the mama bear said that it's just right.

Thank you, Eric.

Your video, Baby laughs at her mama eating chips!, has made it into the Top 15 New Videos listing. Congratulations on your achievement. For your contribution you have been awarded 1 Power Point.

NOT the mama!

*quality *promote the visceral fear of being pushed into molten lava by Mama Nature and the Tides.

Dang.

Mama Kennedy looks like a fun lady. Glad we got to meet her.

"Mama told me when I got married Jeff would be nothing more than an anchor for my career goals."

Imagine if you had been "baby elephant tipping"...

Do. Not. Fuck. with mama elephants.

Well, it's something my mama once told me, I'm not really sure if it's true or not.

Lyrics:

I've stuck around, through thick and through thin
You cannot deny, I've always been in
And I've watched you stand, still as a snowman
No I don't see you change, you're always at meltdown

And I've been your crutch, your smell sight and touch
Yeah I took you home when you've drunk too much
But I can't survive, with you by my side
See I'll never get laid, while I'm running your life

No I just don't wanna, so I'm walking away
There is nothing that you can do I will not stay
No I don't need drama, so I'm walking away
Yeah I am a girl with a lot on her plate

So just cut me loose, learn to tie your shoes
There's somebody here, I'd like to introduce
So look in the mirror, look for the glass
'See you're not my problem, you are my last

No I just don't wanna, so I'm walking away
There is nothing that you can do I will not stay
No I don't need drama, so I'm walking away
Yeah I am a girl with a lot on her plate

No I just don't wanna, so I'm walking away
There is nothing that you can do I will not stay
No I don't need drama, so I'm walking away
Yeah I am a girl with a lot on her plate

No I just don't wanna, so I'm walking away
There is nothing that you can do I will not stay
No I'm not your mama, so I'm walking away
See I'm just a girl that you lost to cocaine

Tell em, Mama!

there is one panicked moose mama he forgot about.