Via Blues News: Re: Game Reviews Sep 10, 2012, 10:31 ItBurn
*
The guild wars 2 review isn't a review, it's a developer blowjob.

Good.. but not nearly as awesome as this one

I just think it would have been a better game if they had simply separated the single player from the multiplayer. That way you have a choice in the matter. Gamers like choices and hate it when you take those choices away. D3 isn't a MMO no matter how hard Blizzard tries to convince people it is. The only reason they made it into this forced co-op game is they were greedy and figured that was the only way they could stop piracy.
Problem is the people who were gonna pirate the game weren't ever planning on paying for it in the first place. So they weren't going to lose a dime to those people. Notch said something to that effect about Minecraft piracy I don't remember the exact quote but Notch could care less if you pirate Minecraft, hell he gives away the beta snapshot versions for free.
And if they hadn't forced multiplayer to be always on all these hackers wouldn't be exploiting that very same system to steal items and gold from people so they can then sell them for cash in their idiotic real money auction house. Which will be a disaster if they ever open it because the hackers will flood the market.
And then even though people paid $60 bucks for the game they expect you to shell out another $10 for a physical authenticator in order to hopefully keep your account secure. Even though they don't allow strong passwords on Battle.net.
Which is a moot point because these hackers aren't even hacking passwords in the first place there stealing session id's or forcing themselves onto buddy lists somehow that's why people can still log into their accounts after they have been jacked for everything their worth. But Blizzard is suspiciously in denial when someone brings that up.

All in all their choice to force online access to play their game has resulted in one of the most embarrassing disasters in the history of gaming. Which is sad because it really is a good game. It's just run by greedy idiots.

>> ^lampishthing:

I think Thumper was saying that Diablo 3 is clearly a multiplayer focused game and that Mr. Yathzee Esq. should not expect it to be excellent in single player. Being a games reviewer surely he should have given more attention to the multiplayer as this was the intent of the game etc. I really don't think that Diablo 3 can be blamed for shoving stuff down your throat. That's more your desire to play Diablo 3 shoving it down your throat.>> ^Auger8:
Maybe because some people actually like single player games.
And maybe he's the guy who doesn't need 15 people to go "hey nice backswing on that axe you got there" 50 million times like some attention seeking whore.
Or there like me and don't want their entire party to sudden scream like banshees if I decide to get up and take a leak or grab a snack or simply decide I don't want to play through the entire campaign in a single night.
That's not to say I don't enjoy Multiplayer I simply enjoy not having it shoved down my throat like D3.
>> ^Thumper:
How in the hell can you play Diablo 3 without playing multiplayer. He's the person you never go see a movie with because they ruin it with their trite non-conformity misery. Oh wait that's how, if no one wants to play with you. What a fucking tool.

I think Thumper was saying that Diablo 3 is clearly a multiplayer focused game and that Mr. Yathzee Esq. should not expect it to be excellent in single player. Being a games reviewer surely he should have given more attention to the multiplayer as this was the intent of the game etc. I really don't think that Diablo 3 can be blamed for shoving stuff down your throat. That's more your desire to play Diablo 3 shoving it down your throat.>> ^Auger8:

Maybe because some people actually like single player games.
And maybe he's the guy who doesn't need 15 people to go "hey nice backswing on that axe you got there" 50 million times like some attention seeking whore.
Or there like me and don't want their entire party to sudden scream like banshees if I decide to get up and take a leak or grab a snack or simply decide I don't want to play through the entire campaign in a single night.
That's not to say I don't enjoy Multiplayer I simply enjoy not having it shoved down my throat like D3.
>> ^Thumper:
How in the hell can you play Diablo 3 without playing multiplayer. He's the person you never go see a movie with because they ruin it with their trite non-conformity misery. Oh wait that's how, if no one wants to play with you. What a fucking tool.

oh wow. It is actually a retail game. I thought they just took the GTA game engine and mocked up some menu screenshots.

Game review

>> ^braindonut:

Both the single player and the multiplayer are wonderful. I enjoyed the single player campaign in BF3 FAR more than the last two Modern Warfare games. (Didn't even finish Black Ops and I have no plans on buying MW3...)
Zero Punctuation is hate packaged as comedy. It's not actually a place to go for objective game reviews. The truth is, yes, BF3 has some flaws, but overall, there's a shitload of fun to be had and I feel sad for anyone who is so jaded and cynical that they couldn't find that fun.


Objective Game Reviews? How would you even do that?
Also: IMO Battlefield is BY FAR the best multiplayer-online-shooter out there. For me it's like a combination of CoD 1, Counter-Strike and Battlefield 1942. And this is the holy trinity of online-gaming - again if you ask me.

Both the single player and the multiplayer are wonderful. I enjoyed the single player campaign in BF3 FAR more than the last two Modern Warfare games. (Didn't even finish Black Ops and I have no plans on buying MW3...)

Zero Punctuation is hate packaged as comedy. It's not actually a place to go for objective game reviews. The truth is, yes, BF3 has some flaws, but overall, there's a shitload of fun to be had and I feel sad for anyone who is so jaded and cynical that they couldn't find that fun.

>> ^NetRunner:

I'm starting to feel like Yahtzee is a bad reviewer of games.


Yahtzee is as much a games reviewer as the waynes brothers were movie critics in Living Color. They focused less on details (unless it was called for) and made funny comparisons instead.

And as an avid long time gamer, I DO miss the old days! I am itching to get into the new Tribes 4 game, and would love to see a new Unreal Tournament! Halflife 2 part 3 on the other hand, maybe if valve picked up one of the new cutting edge engines then yes, please. But the source engine is really dated for a standered shooter. I only accepted it in portal because portal wasn't a shooter.

>> ^ToastyBuffoon:

I am thoroughly enjoying the game as well. I get the feeling that he sometimes looks at a game with "reviewer" eyes instead of just taking the time to try to enjoy it (if that makes sense to anyone). He readily admitted to just trying to rush through the main campaign instead of doing some of the side quests as well, and those can sometimes net you some of the cooler things in the game like new blueprints for combining weapons.
The only real complaint I have with the game is the rapid degradation of the weapons. I'm fine with having to repair them, but I'd like to hit more than a mere 10 zombies before I need to switch or repair them.
With all the negativity this guy spews in most of his "reviews", I wonder if he forgot how to have fun.


Ok, I'm not sure if its been said here before or not. He's not a Game Reviewer. He's a game Critic. Its his job to pick apart the game not give it some type of Ad bought thumbs/Star rating.

How'd they get John Malkovich into their video game review?

So they should give the game a better review because of the hardships in making it? That's just silly...at the end of the day this is a product and reviews are meant to be a guide to what a consumer may or may not deem worthy of his or her money.>> ^JiggaJonson:

So many reviewers, ZP included, have been too hard on this game. While the game was conceived 12 years ago, it was redone a number of times on different engines. Those engines, starting as early as Quake II and the original Unreal engine, also frequently meant that the game changed hands a number of times.
Considering what the game started as in 1999 and what it turned out to be, I don't think it's fair to put all kinds of blame on the publishers of today and the final product they turned out.
I would say that the game turned out like an episode of "Chopped" where chefs are given a metaphorical ingredient set of "Duck heart, Watermelon, and Tortillas" and are expected to whip a good game out of it in a timely fashion.
Taking that into consideration I think they put out a decent game that I had fun playing. Saying over and over again that the game took twelve years to make doesn't tell the whole story and we should expect better from our game reviewers.

So many reviewers, ZP included, have been too hard on this game. While the game was conceived 12 years ago, it was redone a number of times on different engines. Those engines, starting as early as Quake II and the original Unreal engine, also frequently meant that the game changed hands a number of times.

Considering what the game started as in 1999 and what it turned out to be, I don't think it's fair to put all kinds of blame on the publishers of today and the final product they turned out.

I would say that the game turned out like an episode of "Chopped" where chefs are given a metaphorical ingredient set of "Duck heart, Watermelon, and Tortillas" and are expected to whip a good game out of it in a timely fashion.

Taking that into consideration I think they put out a decent game that I had fun playing. Saying over and over again that the game took twelve years to make doesn't tell the whole story and we should expect better from our game reviewers.

>> ^Sarzy:

Oh, several. Yeah, I was thinking about that the other day. I tend to get really enthusiastic about stuff and then lose interest pretty quickly. The internet is littered with my abandoned projects. In my time I've started a personal website (with a bunch of links, like you'd see a lot back when the internet was a bit younger), Duke Nukem 3D fansite (back in the '90s), a Driver blog, an Interstate '82 blog (remember that game? Yeah, neither do I), a Rotten Tomatoes-style gaming review aggregator, a Day of the Tentacle sprite comic, a candy blog, a 1001 Essential Movies blog, a movie review site with a friend, and now this beard blog. And that's off the top of my head -- I'm probably forgetting something.
>> ^darkrowan:
How many blogs do you have now?



I never touched Interstate '82, but I had much fun with its predecessor Interstate '76. Great game, with exquisite music.

Oh, and you should do Donald Sutherland on your blog!

Your video, The best video game review ever!, has made it into the Top 15 New Videos listing. Congratulations on your achievement. For your contribution you have been awarded 1 Power Point.