No, I haven't been around because I was too busy doing what MINK could only dream of doing: Getting laid. Sure, he likes to think that taking a weekend trip to Poland and getting a few links of kielbasa to bring back home and anally impale himself on whilst watching scat films with bovine actors counts, but no. No MINK, while that may pass for intercourse in Lith-who?-ania, I'm sure you will find that world over, it does not. Here's a tip: Try hollowing it out. Sure, a typical polish sausage is only about an inch and a half wide, but that gives you a meat wall of about 1 1/4".
Wait a second - Is that how you got food poisoning last time?
MINK, you're not supposed to eat the thing when you're done with it!

Oh, this is eastern Europe we're talking about. You probably have to eat all the scraps of food you can get. Even the used sex toy ones. Pity.
Oh, wait. It wasn't from eating it. It was from riding it. He admits it in an earlier comment: "And also i never sat on the toilet bleeding out of my arse for a week after eating a vegetable. That was definitely the meat."


Now since this is a roast, here I go:

Nobody likes you.

Sanctimonious bovine! Oh jeez, poor girl. *eia *wtf

Way to go Bovine Avenger! I always enjoy your sifts and your comments.

Congrats Deathcow! Keep up the crazy good work, you homicidal bovine!

Sorry sometimes, bovine testicles belong to another species.

This is Penn's essay:

I've stopped swearing. I'm 42 years old and from the time I was 16, I talked like carnies and rockers and truckers and sailors. I tried to talk like all the cool people, using obscenity for every part of speech. It seemed like a ticket into a special group of outsiders. I never used hard obscenity on stage, but I was always trying to slip expletives onto the radio (you do know that the FCC is unconstitutional on every front, right?). But in daily existence, I talked trash.

Several months ago, I went to see Slash's Snakepit at a venue in Vegas. He played his guit-box like a ringin' a bell. I was enjoying the show. After the third selection, when it was time for Slash to welcome us, he said, "Welcome. We're really glad to be back in the USA. We were in South America and those people didn't understand us. It feels good to be home.

But, he didn't use those words. I don't have a tape, and I wasn't taking notes, but the words he said were along the lines of, "Oh # man. How you #ers doing? It is so #ing great to #ing be #ing back in this #ing coun-#ing-try. #, man, #. I mean, #. #, man, #. I mean #. Down there, well, #, they #ing don't #ing speak #ing English, man. #. #, it's so #ing great to #ing be here.

In the previous quote, "#" stands for the favorite root word of all wise-cracking, sophisticated, modern folk (it also drove my spell checker nuts). That magic word can be used for every part of speech (yes, its function can even be Conjunction Junction).

I sat in the balcony wondering if I sounded like that. I started becoming more aware of swearing. I had an epiphany -- I realized no one thought I was talking like a carney. They thought I was talking like a mall kid. Nowadays, who knows how carnies talk? It's like tattoos. They used to mean you were on the bally, in the joint, or on the sea. Now, tattoos and swearing just mean you've been to Tower Records. Even mall T-shirts proclaim the magic word.

I still use all those words, even the "C" one that still has some small amount of integrity and magic. However, I only use them for their literal meaning. If I'm talking about real sex, I don't talk baby talk. You won't catch me "making love," "doing it," or even "screwing." But I don't use obscenity as empty modifiers or even as a sexy synecdoche.

My decision to stop swearing is not a moral position. It's not to be polite. It's not to fit in. Quite the opposite. It makes me say what I mean and that's often not polite. Not swearing takes my rants off auto-pilot. Not swearing makes me think. It gives those words their original magic in their literal meanings. It makes them sexier when I'm talking about sex.

I started stopping swearing with some friends. It's difficult, but it's pretty fun. We say more of what we mean. We've started making it clear whether we're displeased with someone for their morals, their style, their hygiene, or their looks (all valid reasons). We no longer label them all with one compound body part metonym. We've become more precise. There's more information.

When someone is talking nonsense, it's bolder, more aggressive, and less acceptable to say, "No, that's not true," than to shout a friendly, ho-hum, reference to bovine fecal matter. Not swearing is not the right thing to do. It's not the classy thing to do. It makes the truth plainer and that's rarely soci ety's view of polite.

There is a downside. Last night I banged the little toe of my right foot hard on the door jam in the middle of the night. I had nothing to say.

I can post some vids of the boys and their families on 60 Minutes and a number of other TV appearances tearing Nifong several new ones.

But I agree with you completely, gorgonheap, that the cable news media did in this case what cable news media always does -- breathlessly hyped a story without analysis or care and then skulked away to breathlessly cover the death and embalming of the bovine Vicki Smith.

I disagree that the damage cannot be undone. The defendants are getting due process of law, even if they are not getting due process of screaming head TV. All of the accused will get their education paid for by Duke. They will have no problem getting jobs because I feel that 90% of the nation sympathizes with them now. They will still be white. They will still be affluent.

And Durham, NC will still have a festering townie/gownie race problem.

The important phrase there is: "entire episodes of television shows" - this is a film that's fallen out of copyright, like this SIft: Night Of The Living Dead (Full Movie). And if you don't believe me, get it from the horses mouth: at my Posting Guidelines: Rule 4 Definition? Sift Talk post.

Any more Bovine excrement based comments you want me to tear apart, Farhad?

especially with the bovine growth hormone in milk these days

gotta ask ourselves why the governments of european countries and canada don't allow it in their milk supply

thanx for the info Bovinity