Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)

I'm not sure about that. There are some destructive relationships that are better written off. Maybe you don't hate the person, but you come to the final conclusion that your life is better without them in it.

I'm not saying be doormat now. I'm talking about general disagreements, rubbing people the wrong way.. and just general ego clashing.

Most the people I run into that gets on my nerves (or vice versa) usually don't have the self esteem or confidence in themselves to be comfortable knowing someone might disagree with them.

I find it best to write off people for the betterment of my psyche.

i'm with swampgirl. snap judgements might be often correct but when you get them wrong, you really miss out. for example i didn't find my girl attractive when we first met and i nearly didn't see her again. we are still together after 5 years, we annoy each other but it's worth it.

dag, you just missed the point.

I've had a few friends that took time for me to actually like them. But those were rare exceptions.

Just look down on everyone, that way you're never disappointed when they betray you because filthy lousy animals have no choice.

Mink, similar situation w/ my spouse. He and I wrote each other off once and moved on w/ life and other relationships. Some events took place years later and we had another chance.

Forgiveness is a powerful thing. It's also very freeing. I've forgiven people in my life that never returned it back to me. It doesn't matter though, because my choices allow my life to go on happy.

Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)

Forgiveness is one thing - giving someone another chance is different. You can forgive and still decide to keep someone out of your life.

Someone once said "forgiveness is the final form of love".

I'm with dag. And trust me, I routinely give people second chances. However there comes a point where if he or she is causing too much harm to your life after you've given him or her that second, third, fiftieth, etc. chance, then you have to cut your losses. That's not to say you need to hate that person for the rest of your life; it only means you need to take them out of your life equation, so to speak.

Life's too complex for relationships to be run via bumper-sticker-sized rules. Some people should be run from, some people should be ignored, some people deserve a second chance, and some people don't. Transgressions, toxicity, and tenacity vary.

I recently had a friend from high school get back in touch and I was kind of pleased, but it didn't take much before I remembered why we lost touch in the first place. I will continue to send one-line, friendly but unenthusiastic replies until she calms down and leaves me alone again.

This isn't the rule: in the same month I found two other people from days past who have vastly enriched my life and who I was delighted to find. I've even had people that I wrote off, justifiably, by my lights, come back into my life and have it be the right thing to let them do so (hell--I even paid for part of rehab for them).

And I know, Swampgirl just wanted to remind people to have an open heart and a little tolerance, and yay for that, but a few other people just wanted to remind people that if yer gettin' kicked, you don't need to keep putin' up with it, and yay for that.

^ oxdottir hit the nail on the head.

while we're on the topic of forgiving and forgetting... will choggie he ever be allowed back? even if he apologises?

Bumper sticker, that's a good one.  Of course I'm generalizing.. you guys don't have to sum me up as nieve because I try to keep a positive outlook.  It's choice is all.  Of course I'm not going to keep taking punishment from a toxic personality.  I of course will ditch them in a heartbeat.  But if that person makes a turn around, I have no problem forgetting the past.As for Choggie.  No, he is done here. He's said so.

Geebus, does choggie have to enter EVERY conversation on the sift?

And I think a tag line of 'Never write someone off for good' encompasses everything everyone is saying. Not writing someone off for good does not mean you have to ever have to actively seek them out again, it's merely saying, if they change and want to make amends you can be willing to give them a go.

Which also doesn't mean you have to keep letting them back in if they never show that they've changed whatever it was about them that made them a negative influence in the first place.

Well said spoco

I don't think that at all! In fact, what I think is that you are at heart a sweet and caring person. I aspire to feel as you do about relationships. A positive outlook is a rare and precious thing and I applaud your efforts.

[It's been aired lately that I am a grudge holder and that is honestly my worst characteristic. I can't let go of the past. Maybe one day I'll make do and fogrive my father and all the people who I feel have "wronged" me. I'm painfully aware of my faults. It's food for thought, thanks swampgirl.]

>> ^swampgirl:
Bumper sticker, that's a good one.  Of course I'm generalizing.. you guys don't have to sum me up as nieve because I try to keep a positive outlook.  It's choice is all.  Of course I'm not going to keep taking punishment from a toxic personality.  I of course will ditch them in a heartbeat.  But if that person makes a turn around, I have no problem forgetting the past.As for Choggie.  No, he is done here. He's said so.

I don't know about you guys, but if I write someone off, I feel a part of myself go with them. It feels like a personal failing. I've endured a lot of misery in trying to avoid that feeling.

My only rule with people is no hard and fast rules. Some people you gotta watch out for. I recently wrote off a couple people for different reasons. Short explanation, one was determined to waste my time, one was determined to break my heart.

P.S. F*** Choggie

*promote

Promoting this Blog post - promote requested by schmawy.

Anybody got a friend who's good to you but hurts your other friends?

>> ^schmawy:
Anybody got a friend who's good to you but hurts your other friends?


I used to, back in Denver. He was one of the best friends I ever had, but for some reason when he met my other friends he became kind of passive-aggressive.

He would never attack them, but it was clear that there was a kind of underlying hostility in his words and actions. I could never figure out why, because he was really a gem of a guy in all other circumstances.

Are you experiencing something like that now, Schmawy?

Yeah. It's sorta tough. I can totally understand his perspective, and maybe it's a little crazy but who's isn't when you get down to it. I share many of his objections and frustrations with the world but we differ so greatly in the way we act on them.

Not knowing how to further illuminate the situation, and being that this is a video sharing site i submit to you a song which captures my essential feeling even if the situation isn't an exact fit...

Scars have to heal.

Healing takes time.

Yeah, but they're not my scars and there is the problem. I should be making my own blog post instead of hijacking Swampy's.