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How To Pick Up Chicks at the Gym

The best worst pole vault ever!

The Official Roast of dotdude! (Parody Talk Post)

rottenseed says...

I "graded" your quiz

1. What do you do when you are not at the computer?

• Paint - That figures
• Watch DVDs - Wow you don't leave the house?
• Attend movies - By yourself most likely
• Work Sudoku puzzles - Afraid of real math?
• Get together with friends - Free meals at the soup kitchen don't count as "get together with friends
• Dine at restaurants - Translation: Dig in the dumpsters behind restaurants
• Attend art presentations - Staring at the back tattoo of a tranny prostitute hardly counts as "attending art presentations"
• Attend Mac meetings - ...
• Visit art museums/exhibitions - You already said that, but then again you probably don't have much going on in your life
• Take digital photos and videos - Draw "cave paintings" on the walls of the overpass you live under.
• Attend parties/receptions - Always the crasher never the invitee?
• Read books on art - Read...books...on...art. hmmm...fascinating

2. What is your favorite of your posted videos?

“MANtage” - you spelled "MANspooge" wrong

3. How many avatars have you had since being a member? What were (are) they?

Ten
• dot art – levee break waves
• dot art – 40 shades of blue
• dot art – green Chinese lion
• dot art – purple design from plaster relief
• dot art – leopard-like patterns
• dot art – eye shapes orange on black
• rainy windshield photo
• Dutch Alley blur
• pond goldfish photo
• Chinese dragon float profile photo (current one)
^Just can't quite encapsulate your mediocrity through visual aids, eh?

4. What non-self-involved site do you visit most often?

Apple Movie Trailers - To look at coming attractions nobody will ever invite you to see

5. If you had a time machine would you keep it clean?

Clean?!? What does that mean?!? - You know, clean like how you feel after your bimonthly dip in the sewers

6. What is your ratio of pairs of shoes to underwear?

1: 21 - Make that 1/2 : 1

7. Is that underwear boxer, brief, or birthday?

Boxers - Women's panties

8. Do you run a Mac OS, Windows, or Linux?

Mac OS - Coincidently Mac & Cheese is your main source of nutrition too

9. Would you most prefer to be involved in a monumental one-of-a-kind hiking expedition, working on a breakthrough cure for a debilitating illness, or presenting the discovery of a revolutionary new way to parse data?

presenting the discovery of a revolutionary new way to parse data - Pretending to have a girlfriend while dry humping his semen encrusted matress

10. What is your favorite ice cream topping? Favorite (non-ice-cream-related) spice?

Topping – chocolate syrup - By the time you get to the ice cream, it's already melted
Spice - saffron - Dried eucalyptus leaves

11. Are you a tits, ass, or legs man?

Yes - Translation: "I'm desparate"

12. What kind of pet(s) do you have? Include name(s).

Used to have cats:

Red (orange tabby) - killed and ate it
Storm (gray tabby with white socks – picked out Spring 1991 during Desert Storm) - Road kill that you found and dragged around on a leash for the summer of '91
Pierre (peppered fur mix) - Make believe animal that keeps me company during those lonely nights

13. What kind of pelt(s) do you have? Include name(s).

None. However, a former girlfriend brought me The Australian Lucky Pouch when she returned from her trip her trip Down Under. - Hahahaha! girlfriend...that's rich

14. What is your favorite kind of soup?

Turtle with a splash of sherry - Whatever's being served at the shelter

15. What is your most frequented source of news?

WWL Radio - 2 week old newspapers that you use to wipe your ass

16. What is your beverage (poison) of choice?

Iced Tea - "...you know how I know you're gay?"

17. Have you ever been arrested?

No. - The Phantom Pooper still hasn't been caught

18. What’s your go-to move for making a good first impression?

Get a person talking about her/himself and pray its not over my head. - Try not to get close enough to the person to be smelled

19. How would you describe your coif: bangs, balding or rug?

Thinning - HAHAHAHAHA

20. Is your face clean-shaven or do you have a beard, a goatee or a mustache?

Beard - Translation: I can't afford a razor

21. List your five most cherished possessions.

• House - Cardboard box
• Volvo - Shopping Cart
• Mac - & Cheese
• Camera - Old crayon or feces drawn on walls and sidewalks
• DVD player - "I can't play it, cause I don't have a TV but it sure is pretty and it'll score me a couple crack rocks"

22. What religion, if any, did you practice as a child?

Roman Catholicism - suppressed memories

23. What about now?

Same. - Translation: I do to little boys what was done to me

24. What is your favorite memory?

Surprise trip to Disneyworld even though us kids were told to pack for Gulfport, MS - Finding a quarter on the ground

25. What was your favorite childhood television show?

“Speed Racer” - It was really "My Little Pony"

26. How would you describe your personal style/sense of fashion/taste for life/artistic flair?

personal style – put my stamp on what I do - Translation: I fart wherever I am
sense of fashion – I like color, except the days I prefer black - "OH, woe is me I'm such a DEEP artist type"
taste for life – take time to appreciate whom I’m with, where I am and what I’m doing - Translation: Sit in an alcove yelling at people who don't give me spare change
artistic flair – experimentation and reinvention - Translation: Crap nobody will like and stealing other people's work

27. What is a reason not to go to Burning Man?

I already live in a hot climate. - No transportation, no friends, no car, no water, you're missing a shoe

28. Who is your favorite Sift Hero?

Fedquip - Translation: Rottenseed

29. Do you have any image(s) of yourself online that you're willing to share?

‘Will link shortly. - "uh...er...well you see is, I'm horribly disfigured and I hope everybody will forget about this question"

30. What goal to you have while a Videosift member?

Contribute to the “good of the order.” - Find somebody that'll love me for the stinky, poor, pseudo-artist I am

31. Do you upvote comments more for their originality, sense of humor, or self-deprecation?

I upvote on impulse, PERIOD. - "I can't read."

The Official Roast of dotdude! (Parody Talk Post)

dotdude says...

And now for the rest of the story . . . The ANSWERS to all things dot . . .

1. What do you do when you are not at the computer?

• Paint
• Watch DVDs
• Attend movies
• Work Sudoku puzzles
• Get together with friends
• Dine at restaurants
• Attend art presentations
• Attend Mac meetings
• Visit art museums/exhibitions
• Take digital photos and videos
• Attend parties/receptions
• Read books on art

2. What is your favorite of your posted videos?

“MANtage”

3. How many avatars have you had since being a member? What were (are) they?

Ten
• dot art – levee break waves
• dot art – 40 shades of blue
• dot art – green Chinese lion
• dot art – purple design from plaster relief
• dot art – leopard-like patterns
• dot art – eye shapes orange on black
• rainy windshield photo
• Dutch Alley blur
• pond goldfish photo
• Chinese dragon float profile photo (current one)

4. What non-self-involved site do you visit most often?

Apple Movie Trailers

5. If you had a time machine would you keep it clean?

Clean?!? What does that mean?!?

6. What is your ratio of pairs of shoes to underwear?

1: 21

7. Is that underwear boxer, brief, or birthday?

Boxers

8. Do you run a Mac OS, Windows, or Linux?

Mac OS

9. Would you most prefer to be involved in a monumental one-of-a-kind hiking expedition, working on a breakthrough cure for a debilitating illness, or presenting the discovery of a revolutionary new way to parse data?

presenting the discovery of a revolutionary new way to parse data

10. What is your favorite ice cream topping? Favorite (non-ice-cream-related) spice?

Topping – chocolate syrup
Spice - saffron

11. Are you a tits, ass, or legs man?

Yes

12. What kind of pet(s) do you have? Include name(s).

Used to have cats:

Red (orange tabby)
Storm (gray tabby with white socks – picked out Spring 1991 during Desert Storm)
Pierre (peppered fur mix)

13. What kind of pelt(s) do you have? Include name(s).

None. However, a former girlfriend brought me The Australian Lucky Pouch when she returned from her trip her trip Down Under.

14. What is your favorite kind of soup?

Turtle with a splash of sherry

15. What is your most frequented source of news?

WWL Radio

16. What is your beverage (poison) of choice?

Iced Tea

17. Have you ever been arrested?

No.

18. What’s your go-to move for making a good first impression?

Get a person talking about her/himself and pray its not over my head.

19. How would you describe your coif: bangs, balding or rug?

Thinning

20. Is your face clean-shaven or do you have a beard, a goatee or a mustache?

Beard

21. List your five most cherished possessions.

• House
• Volvo
• Mac
• Camera
• DVD player

22. What religion, if any, did you practice as a child?

Roman Catholicism

23. What about now?

Same.

24. What is your favorite memory?

Surprise trip to Disneyworld even though us kids were told to pack for Gulfport, MS

25. What was your favorite childhood television show?

“Speed Racer”

26. How would you describe your personal style/sense of fashion/taste for life/artistic flair?

personal style – put my stamp on what I do
sense of fashion – I like color, except the days I prefer black
taste for life – take time to appreciate whom I’m with, where I am and what I’m doing
artistic flair – experimentation and reinvention

27. What is a reason not to go to Burning Man?

I already live in a hot climate.

28. Who is your favorite Sift Hero?

Fedquip

29. Do you have any image(s) of yourself online that you're willing to share?

‘Will link shortly.

30. What goal to you have while a Videosift member?

Contribute to the “good of the order.”

31. Do you upvote comments more for their originality, sense of humor, or self-deprecation?

I upvote on impulse, PERIOD.


Answer you that!

Penn & Teller - 9/11 Conspiracy Theory (Bullshit)

rosspruden says...

Great god. Why is it sooooohoooohooooo hard to use a spell check??!?!?!?!?!? Takes, like, 60 seconds flat, and makes a world of difference.

As k8 says, in a world where we all know each other by our words, you're walking around with knee-high white socks, pants up to your chest, a way too tight shirt and 3 foot wide sombrero. And you're seriously asking us why we're paying more attention to your attire than what to what you're saying???

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