Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish--not too shabby!

So I guess Mel Gibson isn't one of your heroes.



You know what the coolest thing about being Jewish is? You can move to Israel if you want and become a citizen. (For realz, in case you didn't know.) That means when this country finally tires of your insufferable Ed-Hardy ass (and it WILL happen, sooner or later--probably sooner), you've got another place to flop. Sure, you'll probably have to do a short stint in the military to catch Palestinian mortars, but I'm sure it's no worse than the gun play in your trailer park.

Well, it's the festival of lights, so bust a cap from your Uzi for me. And tell Bar Refaeli to quit calling me. You wouldn't guess it, but she's a meshuggeneh through and through.
In reply to this comment by rottenseed:
On a strange, illogical ruling, I am Jewish because my grandmother's vagina is Jewish making my mother's vagina Jewish. As we trickle down the Jewberry bush, I end up being a Jew. Now, the reason why this is illogical (other than the fact that both my mother and I are godless heathens), is the fact that my grandmother is Jewish by choice. Meaning, she doesn't really have Jew goo running through her spider veins. Although she is great at guilting and pronouncing words like how a cat would cough up a hairball, but I think that's all part of the training.

In reply to this comment by kronosposeidon:
Then they're one of your people, the lost tribe of San Diego. I never knew you were a Joo. Happy Chanookah.

In reply to this comment by rottenseed:
It's strange that kid has a Mathews jersey. A rookie for the Chargers. That, along with the terra cotta colored stucco topped with brick leads me to believe these jews are from San Diego.

In reply to this comment by kronosposeidon:
I really feel that you should be the first sifter to post a video from JewTube.

this clip is part of this hilariously awesome "body guard defense" type video that i've only seen available on VHS for like 60 bucks, haha. they shoot the shit out of a car with a .50 cal and use an uzi fitted to be fired out of a briefcase among other awesome things.

the sound of an UZI is musical to their ears.
children smoke heroin before a battle.
mess with that soldier and he will eat you......raw.
this is one seriously fucked up place.

Where's the Patrick Duffy part with the Uzi?

It's almost ten o clock see i got a ball of lifted property
so i slid my beenie hat on sloppily
and promenade out to take up a collection
i got game like i read the directions
i 'm wishing that i had an automobile
as i feel the cold wind rush past
but let me state that i am a hustler for real
so you know i got the stolen bus pass
just as the bus pulls up and i step to the rear
this ole lady look like she drank a forty of fear
i see my ole school partner said his brother got popped
pay my respects
can you ring the bell we came to my stop
the street light reflects off the piss on the ground
which reflects off the hamburger sign as it turns round
which reflects off the chrome of the bmw
which reflects off the fact that i am broke
now what the fuck is new
i need loot i sweat the motherfucka
in the tweed suit
and i'm on his ass quicker than a kick from a grease boot
eased up slow and discreet
could tell he was suspicious by the way he slid his feet
didn't wanna fuck up the come on
so i smiled with my eyes said hey how it's hanging guy
bumped into his shoulders but he passed with no reaction
damn this motherfucka had a hella of andrew jacksons
i'm a thief or pickpocket give a fuck what you call it
used to call em fat cats.
i just call them wallets getting federal aint just a klepto
master card or visa i'd gladly accept those
sneaky motherfucka with a scam know how to pull it
got a mirror in my pocket but that wont stop no bullets
story just begun but you already know
aint no need to get down shit i'm already low

My footsteps echo in the darkness
my teeth clenched tight like a fist in the cold sharp mist
i look down and i hear my somach growling
step to burger king to attack it like a shaolin
i never pay for shit that i can get by doing dirt
link up to the girl cashier and start to flirt
all up in her face and her breath was like murder
damn the shit i do for a free hamburger
(girl )"well you got my number you gonna call me tonite"
it depends is them burgers attached to a price
"sorry sorry"
im just kidding i'ma call you write you love letters
"it's all good"
thanks for the burgers emm hook me up with a dr pepper.
(girl)thats cool you want some ice
yeah and some fries will be hella nice
(girl) damn my managers coming play it off okay have a nice day
im up outta here anyway
i use peoples before they use me
cos you could get got by an uzi over an oz
thats what an og told me
gots to find someplace warm and cozy to eat the vittles that i just got
came to an underground parking lot
this place is good as any fuck its all good
walked in found a car hopped itself up on a hood
ate my burger threw back my cola
somebody said hey it was a rented pig i thought it was a roller
"want me to call the cops?"
i dont want them to see me
looked down and saw that i was sitting on a lamboughini
it was rollses ferraris and jags by the dozen
a building door opened
damn it was my cousin
getting offa work dressed up no lie
tux cummerband and a blackbow tie
i was like hey
"who is it"
me
"oh whats up man i just quit this company
they hella racist and the pay was too low "
i said arite what was up in there though
"a party with rich motherfuckas i dont know the situation
i know they got cabbage owning corporations
ibm chryslers and shit is what they seeing"
just then a light bulb went off in my head
they be thinking all black folks is resembling
gimme your tux and i'll do some pocket swindling
fit the change in the bathroom and i freeze off my nuts
lets take a short break
while i get into this tux
grunt zipp
alright i'm ready

Fresh dressed like a million bucks
i be the flyiest muthafucka in an afro and a tux
my arm is at a right angle up silver tray in my hand
may i interest you in some caviar mam
my eyes shoots round the room there and here
noticing the diamonds in the chandelier
background barry manilow copacobana
and a strong ass scent of stoagies from havana
what no place where a brother might been
snobby ole ladies drinking champagne with rich white men
allrite then lets begin this
nights like this is good for business
five minutes in the mix noticed several diffrent cliques
talking giggling and shit
well one mother fucka gave me twits
and everbody else jacking it throttling
found out later you know coca cola bottling
talking to a black man who he's confused
we looking hella bourgie
ass all tight and seditty
recognzed him as the mayor of my city
who treats young black man like frank nitty
mr coke said to mr mayor "you know we got a process like ice t's hair
we put up the fund for your election campaign
and oh um waiter can you bring the champagne"
a real estate fronts as opportunities arousing
to make some condos out of low income housing
immediately we need some media heat
to say that gangs run the street and then we bring in the police fleet
harrasing me everbody till they look inebriated
when we bought the land motherfuckas will appreciate it
dont worry about the urban league or jesse jackson
my man that owns marlboros
donated a fat sum
thats when i step back some to contemplate what few know
sat down wrestle with my thoughts like a sumo
aint no one player that could beat this lunancy
aint no hustler on the street could do a whole community
this is how deep shit can get
it reads macaroni on my birth certificate
poontang is my middle name but i cant hang
i'm getting hustled
only knowing half the game
shit how the fuck do i get out of this place.

Sorry, but I just can't agree with what's demonstrated here. Letting someone that young handle a live firearm is just plain irresponsible. This has nothing to do with gun control, gun rights, gun whatever. It has everything to do with letting someone who has no concept of their potential actions be put in charge of something that could kill someone. Would you let someone that young drive, even under supervision? Or operate heavy machinery? Again, fucking irresponsible.

I only hope he (or someone else) doesn't meet with a horrible accident like that one kid who got a head full of uzi a few months ago.

im in junior high with a b plus grade,
at the end of the day i don't hit the arcade,
I walk from school to my moms apartment,
I got to tell the sucaks everyday "don't start it",
cause where I'm at if your soft your lost,
to say on course means to roll with force,
a boy named Rob is chillin in a Benz,
in front of my building with the rest of his friends,
I give him a pound, oh i mean i shake his hand,
he's the neighborhood drug dealer, my man,
i go upstair and hug my mother,
kiss my sister, and punch my brother,
i sit down on my bed to watch some tv,
(machine gun fire) do my ears decieve me,
Nope, thats the fourth time this week,
another fast brother shot dead in the street,
the very next day while im off to class,
my moms goes to work cold busting her ass,
my sisters cute but she got no gear,
i got three pairs of pants and with my brother i share,
see there in school see i'm made a fool,
with one and a half pair of pant you aint cool,
but there's no dollars for nothing else,
i got beans, rice, and bread on my shelf,
every day i see my mother struggling,
now its time i've got to do something,
i look for work i get dissed like a jerk,
i do odd jobs and come home like a slob,
so here comes Rob hes cold and shivery,
he gives me two hundred for a quick delivery,
i do it once, i do it twice,
now theres steak with the beans and rice,
my mother's nervous but she knows the deal,
my sister's gear now has sex appeal,
my brothers my partner and we're getting paper,
three months later we run our own caper,
my family's happy everything is new,
now tell me what the fuck am i supposed to do,

money's flowing, everything is fine,
got myself an uzi and my brother a nine,
buisness is boomin' everything is cool,
i pull about a g a week fuck school,
a year goes by and i begin to grow,
not in height but juice and cash flow,
i pick up my feet and begin to watch tv,
cause now i got other people working for me,
i got a 55 inch television you know,
and every once in awhile i hear just say no,
or the other commercial i love,
is when they say, this is your brain on drugs,
i pick up my remote control and just turn,
cause with that bullshit im not concerned,
see me and my brother jump in the BM,
driving around our territory again,
i stop at the light like a superstar,
and automatic weapons cold sprayed my car,
i hit the accelerater scared as fuck,
and drove one block to find my brother was hit,
he wasn't dead but the blood was pouring,
and all i could think about was war and,
later i found that it was Rob and his crew,
now tell me what the fuck am i supposed to do,

my brothers out of it, but i'm still in it,
on top of that im in it to win it,
i can't believe that Rob would diss me,
that faggot, that punk, he's soft a sissy,
i'm driving around now with three of my guys,
the war is on and i'm on the rise,
we rolled right up to his favorite hang out,
said hello and then the bullets rang out,
some fired back so we took cover,
and all i could think about was my brother,
Rob jumped up and began to run,
busting shots hoping to hit someone,
so I just stopped, and let off three shots,
two hit him and one hit a cop,
I threw the gun down and began to shout,
come on I got him it's time to break out,
but as we ran there were the boys in blue,
pointing their guns at my four man crew,
they shot down one, they shot down two,
now tell me what the fuck am i supposed to do,

(loves gonna get you)(loves gonna get you)(loves gonna get you)
(love loves gonna get you)
(loves gonna get you)(loves gonna get you)(loves gonna get you)
(love loves gonna get you)
(loves gonna get you)(loves gonna get you)(loves gonna getyou),
(loves gonna get you)
(loves gonna get you)(loves gonna get you)(loves gonna get you)
(love loves gonna get you)
ya know a lot of people believe that that word Love is real soft,but when
you use it in your vocabulary like your addicted to it it sneaksright up
and takes you right out. out. out. out. out.
So, for future reference remember it's alright to like or want amaterial
item, but when you fall in love with it and you start schemingand carrying
on for it, just remember, it's gonna get'cha

>> ^mrk871:
>> ^zor:
>> ^jerryku:
Re: the Uzi story, automatic Uzis are legal in the US? o_O

Yes, you can get them but you have to pay a $200 tax on the transfer first.


That's a relief then. There's not many people can get hold of $200, and anyone who does have that amount of money is pretty responsible.
Imagine if you just needed to have a small amount of money and you could get hold of a lethal weapon!
There'd be absolute madness. You'd have people killing each other over domestic matters.
You'd have angry teenagers going out and mowing down their classmates. I'm glad that disenfranchised teenagers aren't given that opportunity and probably end up growing up more balanced in the end and look back on those days with a whimsical smile instead of some kind of nightmare scenario where they kill loads of others and then themselves or get shot by the police. I know, you think it's unbelievable that depressed kids would do that kind of thing, but you just wait until they allow everyone to have guns.
I honestly think that's what would happen.
Of course it's a relief that not all cops carry guns too, because if they did you'd probably have people going out committing suicide-by-cop, and trigger happy cops who shoot innocent civilians because of some perceived threat.
It sounds crazy, I know, but I believe that's what would happen in a world where guns are so freely available.
Thank goodness that you must have $200 to get an Uzi. And thankfully there's no crazies who can.


$200 is the tax. The firearm themselves run upwards of $10,000 when available.

>> ^zor:
>> ^jerryku:
Re: the Uzi story, automatic Uzis are legal in the US? o_O

Yes, you can get them but you have to pay a $200 tax on the transfer first.



That's a relief then. There's not many people can get hold of $200, and anyone who does have that amount of money is pretty responsible.

Imagine if you just needed to have a small amount of money and you could get hold of a lethal weapon!

There'd be absolute madness. You'd have people killing each other over domestic matters.
You'd have angry teenagers going out and mowing down their classmates. I'm glad that disenfranchised teenagers aren't given that opportunity and probably end up growing up more balanced in the end and look back on those days with a whimsical smile instead of some kind of nightmare scenario where they kill loads of others and then themselves or get shot by the police. I know, you think it's unbelievable that depressed kids would do that kind of thing, but you just wait until they allow everyone to have guns.
I honestly think that's what would happen.
Of course it's a relief that not all cops carry guns too, because if they did you'd probably have people going out committing suicide-by-cop, and trigger happy cops who shoot innocent civilians because of some perceived threat.
It sounds crazy, I know, but I believe that's what would happen in a world where guns are so freely available.

Thank goodness that you must have $200 to get an Uzi. And thankfully there's no crazies who can.

>> ^jerryku:
Re: the Uzi story, automatic Uzis are legal in the US? o_O


Yes, you can get them but you have to pay a $200 tax on the transfer first.

Re: the Uzi story, automatic Uzis are legal in the US? o_O

>> ^maximillian:
For those who do not wish to click...an 8 year old boy kills himself when the Uzi he was shooting at a gun club flipped around and shot him in the head.

Well, some might say that 8 year olds are supposed to play ball and not shoot (automatic) weapons in the first place. But to each his own, I guess.

Although this seems funny, it's actually quite dangerous. Here is an recent story to illustrate what could have happened;

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27399337/

For those who do not wish to click...an 8 year old boy kills himself when the Uzi he was shooting at a gun club flipped around and shot him in the head. His dad and a certified instructor were nearby.

If you ever bring a friend to a gun range, make sure they shoot one round at a time first to get a feel for the gun. This is good advice even for experienced shooters handling a new gun.

Treat guns with respect, otherwise you are asking for trouble.

Oh you know it's TOTALLY ON when the other guy unholsters his Uzi to showoff in front of some hot-ass beach bimbo and play some mo'fuckin' ULTIMATE DEATH FRIZBEE, 80's style!

Tags for this video have been changed from 'Hard Ticket To Hawaii, Great Script, Just Throwing, Ass, Frisbee, Uzi' to 'Hard Ticket To Hawaii, Great Script, Just Throwing, Ass, Frisbee, Uzi, andy, sidaris' - edited by SlipperyPete