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Drew Carey - 101 Big Dick Jokes

notarobot says...

I couldn't find a video that didn't cut the sound off at then end, but I found a list for you and posted it here:

1. My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime.
2. My dick is so big, I went to The Viper Room and my dick got right in. I had to stand there and argue with the doorman.
3. My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.
4. My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.
5. My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school.
6. My dick has an elevator and a lobby.
7. My dick has an better credit than I do.
8. My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum.
9. My dick is so big, it was once overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.
10. My dick is so big, it has casters.
11. My dick is so big, I'm already fucking a girl tomorrow.
12. My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbor.
13. My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick
14. My dick is so big, it lives next door.
15. My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second, and third.
16. My dick is so big, it votes.
17. My dick is a better dresser than I am.
18. My dick is so big, it has a three-picture deal.
19. My dick is so big that the head of it has only seen my balls in pictures.
20. My dick is so big, Henry Aaron used it to hit his 750th home run.
21. My dick runs the 440 in fifteen seconds.
22. My dick is the Walrus, koo koo ga joob.
23. No matter where I go my dick always gets there first.
24. My dick takes longer lunches than I do.
25. My dick contributed $50,000 to the Democratic National Committee.
26. My dick was once the ambassador to China.
27. My dick is so big, it's gone condo.
28. My dick hit .370 in the minors before it hurt its knee.
29. My dick was almost drafted by the Cleveland Browns, but Art Modell didn't want a bigger dick than he was on the team.
30. My dick is so big, I use the Eiffel Tower as a French tickler.
31. It's so big, when it rains the head of my dick doesn't get wet.
32. My dick is so big, I could wear it sas a tie if I wasn't so aftaid of getting a hard-on and killing myself.
33. My dick is so big, I have to use an elastic zipper.
34. My dick is so big, it has feet.
35. My dick is so big, a homeless family lives underneath it.
36. My dick is so big, it takes four fat women and a team of Clydesdales to jack me off.
37. My dick is so big, my mother was in labor for three extra days.
38. My dick is so big, they use the bullet train to test my condoms.
39. My dick is so big, it has investors.
40. My dick is so big, it seats six.
41. My dick is so big, I use a hula hoop as a cock ring.
42. My dick is so big, we use it at parties as a limbo pole.
43. My dick is so big, King Kong is going to crawl up it in the next remake.
44. My dick is so big, it has an opening act.
45. My dick is so big I can fuck an elevator shaft.
46. My dick is so big, it has its own Wheaties box.
47. My dick is so big, I have to cook it breakfast in the mornings.
48. My dick is so big, the city had to carve a hole in the middle of it so cars could get through.
49. My dick is so big, every time I get hard I cause a solar eclipse.
50. My dick is so big, it only plays arenas.
51. If you cut my dick in two, you can tell how old I am.
52. My dick was once set on fire for a Dino DiLaurnetis movie.
53. My dick is so big, it needs an airplane warning light.
54. My dick is so big, Trump owns it.
55. My dick is so big, that we're all a part of it, and it's all a part of us.
56. My dick is so big, I can never sit in the front row.
57. My dick is so big, it has its own dick. And even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick.
58. My dick is so big, you can't blow me without a ladder.
59. My dick is so big, it only does one show a night.
60. My dick is so big, you can ski down it.
61. My dick is so big, it has an elbow.
62. My dick is so big, I have to check it as luggage when I fly.
63. My dick is so big, it has a personal trainer.
64. My dick is so big, that right now it's in the other room fixing us drinks.
65. My dick is so big, it has a retractable dome.
66. My dick is so big, it has stairs up the center like the Statue of Liberty.
67. My dick is so big, there's a sneaker named "Air My Dick."
68. My dick is so big, I'm its bitch.
69. My dick is so big, it's against the law to fuck me without protective headgear.
70. My dick is so big, I could fuck a tuba.
71. My dick is so big, Stephen Hawking has a theory about it.
72. My dick is so big, it has its own gravity.
73. NASA once launched a space probe to search for the tip of my dick.
74. My dick is so big, it's impossible to see all of it without a satellite.
75. The inside of my dick contains billions an dbillions of stars.
76. My dick is so big, it has a spine.
77. My dick is so big, it has a basement.
78. My dick is so big, movie theatres now serve popcorn in small, medium, large, and My Dick.
79. My dick is more muscular than I am.
80. My dick is so big it has cable.
81. My dick is so big, it violates seventeen zoning laws.
82. My dick is so big, it has its own page in the Sierra Club calendar.
83. My dick is so big, it has a fifty-yard line.
84. My dick is so big, I was once in Ohio and got a blow job in Tennessee.
85. My dick is so big, Las Vegas casinos fly it into town for free.
86. My dick is so big, I can braid it.
87. My dick is so big, than when it's Eastern Standard Time at the tip, it's Central Mountain Time at my balls.
88. My dick is so big, I painted the foreskin red, white, and blue and used it as a flag.
89. My dick is so big, I can sit on it.
90. My dick is so big it can chew gum.
91. My dick is so big, it only tips with hundreds.
92. My dick is so big, the Carnegie Deli named a sandwich after it. Actually, two sandwiches.
93. My dick is so big, the city was going to build a statue of it but they ran out of cement.
94. My dick is so big, Michael Jackson wants to build an amusement park on it.
95. My dick is so big, when I get hard my eyebrows get pulled down to my neck.
96. My dick is so big, you're standing on it.
97. My dick is so big, it only comes into work when it feels like it.
98. My dick is so big, it plays golf with the president.
99. My dick is so big, it charges money for its autograph.
100. My dick is so big, it has an agent. My dick's people will call your people. Let's have lunch with my dick.
101. My dick is so big, it's right behind you.

lucky760 said:

Hey, I got robbed. Was that all 101? It seems to be cut off.

John Oliver Leaves GM Dismembered in Satans Molten Rectum

Sagemind says...

Actually, this is true, but it's also only one of the recall items that GM has issued Recalls for this year.

"It recalled 8,208 of its 2014 cars on May 7, for example, because they might have rear brakes on the front wheels."

"GM says it has informed regulators about two more recalls imminent but not yet announced. The latest batch includes safety belt, air bag, transmission and electrical issues in a range of midsize sedans, full-size crossovers and SUVs, and pickups."


GM's U.S. recalls this year

Below are General Motors' recall of vehicles in the U.S. since Jan. 1

Date, no. of U.S. vehicles, models affected, recall defect

- Jan. 13: 324,970 of the 2014 Chevrolet Silverado and 2014 GMC Sierra for overheated exhaust parts

- Feb. 7 and 25: 1,367,146 of the 2005-07 Chevrolet Cobalt, 2006-07 Chevrolet HHR, 2005-07 Pontiac G5, 2006-07 Pontiac Solstice, 2003-07 Saturn ION, 2007 Saturn Sky, 2007 Opel GT, 2007 Daewoo G2X for ignition switch

- Feb 20: 355 of the 2014 Buick Enclave, LaCrosse, Regal and Verano; 2014 Chevrolet Cruze, Impala, Malibu and Travers; 2014 GMC Acadia for transmission shift cable adjuster

- March 17: 63,903 of the 2013-14 Cadillac XTS for brake vacuum booster

- March 17: 303,013 of the 2009 Chevrolet Express and GMC Savana for airbag

- March 17: 1,178,407 of the 2008-13 Buick Enclave, 2008-13 Chevrolet Traverse, 2008-13 GMC Acadia, 2008-10 Saturn Outlook for airbag

- March 17: 656 of the Cadillac ELR for electronic brake control

- March 28: 823,788 of the 2008-11 Chevrolet HHR, 2008-10 Chevrolet Cobalt, 2008-10 Pontiac G5, 2008-10 Pontiac Solstice, 2008-10 Saturn Sky, 2008-10 Opel GT, 2008-09 Daewoo G2X for ignition switch

- March 28: 174,046 of the 2013-14 Chevrolet Cruze for front axle shaft

- March 28: 489, 936 of the 2014 Chevrolet Silverado, 2014 GMC Sierra, 2015 Chevrolet Tahoe and Suburban, 2014 GMC Yukon and Yukon XL for oil cooler fitting.

- March 31: 1,340,447 of the 2004-06 Chevrolet Malibu and Malibu Maxx, 2004-06 Pontiac G6, 2004-07 Saturn Ion, 2008-09 Chevrolet Malibu, 2008-09 Pontiac G6, 2008-09 Saturn Aura, 2010 Cobalt, 2009-10 Chevrolet HHR for electric power steering

- April 9: 2,191,014 of the 2005-10 Chevrolet Cobalt, 2006-11 Chevrolet HHR, 2007-10 Pontiac G5, 2006-10 Pontiac Solstice, 2003-07 Saturn ION, 2007-10 Saturn Sky for ignition key cylinder

- April 24: 50,571 of the 2013 Cadillac SRX for acceleration lag

- April 19: 23,249 of the 2009-10 Pontiac Vibe (built by Toyota) for air bags

- April 24: 51 of the 2015 Chevrolet Silverado HD and 2014 GMC Sierra HD for diesel transfer pump

- April 29: 51,640 of the 2014 Chevrolet Traverse, 2014 GMC Acadia and 2014 Buick Enclave for inaccurate fuel gauge

- April 29: 56,214 of the 2007-08 Saturn Aura for shift cable

- May 7: 8,208 of the 2014 Chevrolet Malibu and 2104 Buick Lacrosse for brake rotors

- May 14: 111,889 of the 2005-07 Corvette for headlight low beams

- May 14: 19,225 of the 2014 Cadillac CTS for windshield wipers

- May 14: 140,067 of the 2014 Malibu for brake boost

- May 14: 2,440,524 of the 2004-12 Chevrolet Malibu, 2004-07 Malibu Maxx, 2005-10 Pontiac G6 and 2007-10 Saturn Aura for brake lamps

- May 14: 477 of the 2014 Chevrolet Silverado and 2015 Chevrolet Tahoe for steering tie-rod

- May 16: 1,402 of the 2015 Cadillac Escalade for passenger air bag

- May 19: 1,339,355 of the 2009-10 Saturn Outlook, 2009-14 Chevrolet Traverse, 2009-14 GMC Acadia and 2009-14 Buick Enclave for front seat belts

- May 19: 58 of the 2015 Chevrolet Silverado HD and 2015 GMC Sierra HD for loose fuse block

- May 19: 1,075,102 of the 2004-08 Chevrolet Malibu and 2005-08 Pontiac G6 for shift cable (expands April 29 Saturn Aura recall)

Total 18,666,842
( http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/cars/2014/05/20/gm-recalls-fine-goverment/9329481/ )

scheherazade said:

For anyone that hasn't followed what this is about...

This affair was actually about 1 specific issue :
The detent in the key socket rotator was not as strong as it should have been.

( --- Sniped ---)

-scheherazade

Cliven Bundy Shares Some Peculiar Views

chingalera says...

You're missing the forest for your own trees concerning these government agencies and how they are used by special interests, people-Lands declared federally-owned then 'managed' in this country have been historically for public use. According to the Sierra Club: "Public lands are used in the production of oil, gas, coal, hardrock minerals, timber, and livestock in addition to being used for roads, power and gas lines, and communication facilities just to mention a few. Likewise, the Public lands are an environmental treasure house for recreation and wildlife and scenic wonder from desert to seacoast, mountain top to prairie, grassland to forest -- a shared heritage for now and the future."

Most generational ranchers don't fuck-up the land, they don't abuse it , it's their goddamn livelihood. They know it's vibe way better than the feds and their little friends....

Bundy was paying to, and had a preexisting deal with Clark County and his damn family had been cattlemen on these lands for a few generations, living in harmony with the goddamn turtles, and not trashing the place like newtbox (god you think you know what the fuckit is you know nothing about except what the TV tells you) here and others use in defense of the encroaching and over-reaching bureaucracy whose ONLY goal is to save their own interests in the rights of this land for their nefarious personal good-ol' boy club purposes.

Urbanization and ominous government with peeps with votes never getting involved in righteous decisions during the process of being ASS-RAPED from behind tomes legislation with special interest laws piggy-backed within legislation has ALWAYS been the method of politicians, licking the asses of the money-men.

If people would get an ACTUAL clue abut how the government works to benefit these cunts, they'd start to sound like people who did their homework instead of self-righteous cunts trying to sound smart.

I am happy to accommodate the cries of 'ignorance' and 'fail', heard all this shit before, so go fuck yourselves unless you have anything else to spew but scripted 'what you think you know' horse-shit. I understand that certain types of dum-basses are quite satisfied with themselves to talk a lot and say nothing but whats fed them.

The United States government fucked the Native Americans, now they're fucvkng cowboys and ranchers......No digression with land and money drunk robber-barons, especially when they have dutiful putties to interpret history to suit their delusions.

Wanna fix the situation America? Stop eating their meat. Try turtle soup, the shits awesome.

TDS 3/13/14 - 2014: A Waste Odyssey

chingalera says...

Yeah-I used to as well. Total shit-box(except for parts of the Bay area and the foothills of the Sierra Nevada, and maybe far north where no-one hardly lives). Enjoy your more-than-slightly irradiated coastal fishing, porous southern border, and prison construction oh, and state taxes adjusted by friends and families of cunt-bags.

Land of retarded gun laws and glowing sea life, over-priced homes and flakes by the thousands. Real nice state these days.

poolcleaner said:

But... I live in California.

Forever Young - Burning Man 2013

Police Harass Homeowner Over Washing Car in Driveway

Payback says...

That's what I paid at Costco for a Snap-On (I went and looked at it, it's not the same) I was just making a half-assed attempt to discredit your line of reasoning since it seemed to be based on the existence of the pressure washer...

Which can be explained away:

1)He borrowed it.
2)He rented it.
3)He stole it from the guy who made the complaint to the police.
4)He bought it on Craigslist from the guy who stole it from the guy who made the complaint to the police.
5)It's cheaper than you think it is.
6)He's got lots of money, but his kid has to pay for his own damn car because there's no way the kid's getting his irresponsible, slacker, dopehead hands on dad's classic Camaro, his 20" lifted Sierra, AND ESPECIALLY NOT his mom's Lexus LS600h.

Magicpants said:

Link to a product or that's as believable as this guy's story. The only reason one would have a power washer for such a POS car is if he's planning on washing a great volume. I bet he keeps that car less than a week...

...and in his next video, dated just 3 weeks later, the car he just bought is nowhere to be found. If you take this guy at face value, you're being played like a $2 violin, and I'll sell you a bridge for $2 more.

Self-taught African Teen Wows M.I.T.

Self-taught African Teen Wows M.I.T.

9547bis says...

Back in 1993, I remember this guy with a bad leg, living in a slum in Freetown (Sierra Leone's capital), in a tiny room plastered with Bollywood and Hong Kong B-movie posters, and whose door was made of pieces of cardboard glued together. He didn't have much.
He was called "Prof" Abubakar and made a living creating and selling steel wire sculptures from stuff he was scavenging off the streets. You're probably thinking of African steel wire toys, but his were crazy, there was nothing like it. They were incredibly complex, animated, spring-loaded, or with some sparkling devices.

Some years later, someone I knew came across him. He was exposing at the Pompidou centre in Paris.

Two decades later, it's like Kelvin Doe is his Internet-era spiritual son. I hope he does as well.

[EDIT]
Correct name: Abu Bakarr Mansaray (bio | one of his contraptions). He now lives in the Netherlands.

dystopianfuturetoday (Member Profile)

Blood Sport- Training

Blood Sport- Training

Carving the Mountains

Oil Spokesperson plays "Spin the question!"

agent k & bella-sierra leone (phat riderz mix)

siftbot says...

Tags for this video have been changed from 'agentk, bella, sierra leone, phat riderz mix, tampa breaks, house trance' to 'agentk, bella, mt eden, sierra leone, phat riderz mix, tampa breaks, house trance' - edited by hpqp

agent k & bella-sierra leone (phat riderz mix)



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