@schmawy: I didn't hear any complaining when the strawberry jelly was on your muzzle, you kinky bastard. Now behave yourself, I've got a new rifle to try out, kitty cat...

@blankfist: Gay jokes from blankfist...what a surprise! I hope your movies are more original than your comments, or you'll be back to directing gay midget porn soon enough.

@MycroftHolmez: I'm sure that would be somewhat funny if I had seen some geeky movie. Instead it's uninspired and boring. Like you, mycroft.

@mas8705: the channel envy is plain to see. Rocknroll is for men, videogames are for boys...and fat, ugly mid-30s losers who still live with their mom...looking your way, mas.

@kulpims: your name suddenly came up on the list of potential sacrifices.

@firefly: we Europeans aren't squeemish when it comes to phallic land masses...you damn prude.

@Zifnab: you know all that talk of me being Mr. Peanut was just a trick to get you to suck my salty nuts? Worked perfectly. His dark helmet bobbing forwards and backwards...memories.

@gorgonheap: you succesfully killed your own joke, not to mention what little respect you might still have had here, with that last comment. How can I kill something that is already dead?

@laura: look who the stalker is now...I want you to tear up that restraining order, laura!

@calvados: you did that with your ex-"girlfriend" as well. I've seen the pictures...no room for doubt.

@gwiz665: Give me a challenge! This is a guy who sits in front of his computer all day, drinking cola and jerking off at regular intervals. He probably wears glasses too. His idea of wit is quoting Futurama. Despite being heterosexual, he hangs out in gay bars because no woman will speak to him. His mother makes up stuff about him so her friends won't think Lil' Nicky is as pathetic as he is. All in all, we're all richer people for not knowing this guy in person.

@nibiyabi: My hairy back and busted knuckles are powerful aphrodisiacs. Just ask your grandma.

@thinker247: I was looking forward to ripping you a new one, but then you end up praising my name. Bullet dodged for now...

@Crosswords: I'll make an exception and eat ice cream from your decapitated skull. THEN I'll get romantic with said skull. That knife-wielding raccoon won't be able to help you then.

@alien_concept: I think I prefer you keep sending me nude pictures of yourself instead of stuff like this. I know you crave my attention, but like I told you after those inappropriate phone calls you made: "I don't dig bald chicks or wooden legs". And I know you've tried to better yourself, but honestly; 3 teeth, no matter how white, are still 29 too few. Keep looking, Rae, I'm sure there are some guys in the damaged goods department that might go for you.

@NordlichReiter: ...and I'd do it again. And again. Then I probably wouldn't care anymore.

@my15minutes: your 15 minutes were up 5 minutes after you were born, you uninteresting spellchecker you!

@rougy: who are you, why should I care...and why are you wearing my dirty boxers as a hat?

@dotdude: I hear roast of dotdude is a Creole delicacy...

This stupid thing still going on? If you haven't noticed, rasch187 ain't this important. He's Norwegian, remember? No one cares for the Norwegians. They're the turd-like residue left over after the Swedes left.

I'm glad to see thinker247 is here having a lot of fun with his 'First!' jokes. Those are so fresh. Thinker is like that guy that shows up at the high school reunion still making the jokes people didn't laugh at in high school. This clown had the misfortune to name himself 'thinker247', as if after a single comment post we wouldn't realize that was absolutely the opposite of what he should've named himself.

I'm glad they got Crosswords to MC this. That's a lot fun. Who's MCing the next roast? Anagrams? Nothing spells good times like a word puzzle with a knife welding raccoon avatar. I could not think of a more unremarkable person to host this, to be honest. Well, there is one: nibiyabi. "I'll put a pilgrim hat on Darwin and give him some googly eyes. That'll make me the life of the party!" No, nibiyabi, that makes you unfunny. Though, his profile claims he likes cat fart videos, so he can't be all bad, can he?

Who let rougy in here? Isn't there a warrant out for him yet? He's a forty something year old man with an avatar of a naked boy. Rougy fancies himself a poet. I normally like to encourage artists, but after reading his most recent poem Doorways & Beginnings I think encouraging him to continue would be like encouraging choggie to become a linguistics professor.

Good to see laura and alien_concept in here. Two of the resident women on the Sift. I'm not sure what good the two of you will do on here, though, because last I checked Dag and Lucky hadn't installed a kitchen. But, you're two progressive and self-actualized women, right? That's really great. Now, put a @$*# in that mouth and fetch me a ham and cheese sandwich.

Speaking of phallic items in mouths, I almost forgot this roast was about rasch. Rasch is an ugly guy. He is. I don't have a joke for that... he's just an ugly guy. I'm not saying he's the ugliest guy in the world, but his mom had to get drunk to breast feed him. When he was born, his mom tried to take home the placenta instead. Janet Reno is a handsomer man than he is.

There's something wrong -and vaguely phallic- about a guy knocking a woman unconcious by shooting her with his eggs...

Phallic.

Note the camel toe.

Signature swabby.

If you want to get a navy boy's attention, proffer anything vaguely phallic.

It will keep them amused for hours. Or days.

>> ^AnimalsForCrackers:
Giant demonic cock-monsters are old hat and SOOOOOOO last week. Phallic tentacle rape-monsters are what Japanese kids watch nowadays. Sheesh, get with the times!



Trust me, as much as I want to post someone getting tentacle raped... That would be going against rules a bit... My "This is what Japanese kids are watching" is just based off of popular animes when weird and disturbing things happen, like this giant dragon cocked monster...

Giant demonic cock-monsters are old hat and SOOOOOOO last week. Phallic tentacle rape-monsters are what Japanese kids watch nowadays. Sheesh, get with the times!

As he holds phallic lightsaber.

Guy with internet doctorate says giving girls pink pens at an early age propagates female stereotypes and subdues the girls under the phallic symbolism of the pen shape.

As per your request: http://blog.videosift.com/dystopianfuturetoday/The-Bathrooms-Of-America-NSFW

I'd love to hear your Highway 50 story.

In reply to this comment by critttter:
You'd think the 'extender' would cost more than the others...Issy please post the ladies room phallic-adelia. I am so in the mood for a road trip now - hey, ask me about the time my alternator died on a Saturday night on Highway 50, 'the Loneliest Highway In America', and I ended up at a brothel...wait, not to take away from your adventures DFT and Issy, please keep posting! I bet you had a blast!

You'd think the 'extender' would cost more than the others...Issy please post the ladies room phallic-adelia. I am so in the mood for a road trip now - hey, ask me about the time my alternator died on a Saturday night on Highway 50, 'the Loneliest Highway In America', and I ended up at a brothel...wait, not to take away from your adventures DFT and Issy, please keep posting! I bet you had a blast!

Reminded me of Dr. Evil with the phallic nuke -> ground insertion.

Am I the only one to upvote based solely on the phallic imagery of the title and description? I mean come on

"Pleasantly phallic tower"...

that's disgusting. Makes for a pretty pizza, and phallic, but disgusting.