Old joke

"Other than that how was the play, Mrs Lincoln?"

"I'm so old I was around when some of these jokes were first told!"

I don't mean to be mean - definitely some funny ones mixed in with the old jokes.

sounds like the ultimate answer.
a final solution.


🦜 bob's bunk would inspire this conversation during his arrest...

bk: "what are you doing"
'better' person (bp)*: "arresting you!"
bk: "why - what for?"
bp: "for being a bad person!"
bk: "no i'm not!"
bp: "are you disagreeing w/me?"
bk: "yes! yes! i am!"
bp: "then you're a fool too!"

*strange that 'bp' could stand for bad person also?

could throw in matthew's 'judge lest thee be judged' routine but the plank in the eye gag doesn't bring in the ha-ha like it use to.
(it's a very old joke)

What did the girl say to Pinocchio?
Lie! Lie! Lie...

(Sorry - an old joke - I tried to clean it up a bit...)

old joke:

A tourist is walking along the pier in an Irish fishing village. He sees a fisherman with a bucket full of lobsters. The bucket is so full that the lobsters could easily get over the edge, so he says to the fishermen "excuse me, aren't you worried that some of the lobsters will climb out and escape?".

"Nah" the fisherman replies.

"These are Irish lobsters. As soon as one of them gets to the top, the other will pull him right back down again"

It's nice that all of the 8 year old jokes are relevant again now that we have an orange president.

One side is always hurt. Another effect of having a two party system that fosters opposition and division to the point of hate. End it or Trump vs Clinton will happen again and again. Demand ranked choice voting, or plan on your side fearing 'the end of the world' every few years.

Punchline for an old joke about opening a can of beans on a desert isle:

Economist: First, assume a can opener....

I remember this as an old joke, but it's funny someone finally made a video of it.

An old joke, but I like how she writes it down at the end and notices the error, rather than him asking her then to spell eyes.

Yeah, there's an old joke which actually got me a few years ago:

Obviously, this is meant to be spoken rather than written.

what does "em eh cee dee oh en eh el dee " spell? MacDonald
what does "em eh cee cee eh are tee haich why " spell? MacCarthy
what does "em eh cee haich eye ehn eee" spell?

Lots of people will say MacHine.

Yeah, but it is complicated on my end. Hence I find her brilliant.

I love that you picked that particular "joke". I didn't like it at first -- I thought it was crude and I was instantly uncomfortable. And in the very next moment, I got it. I got what she was doing. She was taking a woman's body and the way it works AND TAKING THE SHAME OUT OF IT.

Now, if you aren't a person who is in touch with the shame that most women have about how their bodies work, that is just a crude nothing of a nothing.

But I am a woman who carries that shame. She exploded it. She made it on par with the tired old joke of men and their skid mark underwear. She turned it into NOTHING.

It isn't a very good joke. I agree with you.

And it is brilliant for what it achieves.

And that is why I love her. She does this over and over and over again. She is de-shaming women about their bodies and their sexuality and their mistakes. Guys are really good at making fun of themselves. It is one thing I really admire about men, and as I get older, even before Amy came along, I have thought we should emulate that characteristic. Amy is doing that for us. Bless her, really really bless her.

But I don't think you get the joke. Many women don't get the joke -- they are stuck in the shame and think she is just crude.

It's okay. You don't have to get the joke. You also don't have to enjoy anal fisting. Ha.

I have a degree in physics. I'm guessing that English is maybe a 2nd language for you? Your explanation of mass and weight is a little confusing. With regards to our astronaut on the moon, it's the difference in weight that matters. He should be able to (approximately) lift six times the weight he could on earth.
(Sidebar: It's often been said that Olympics on the moon would be fantastic because a man who could high-jump 7 feet high on earth would be able to high-jump 42 feet high (7x6) on the moon. In fact, he would only be able to jump about half that. Do you know why? I'll leave that with you as a challenge.)

Insofar as faked moon landings, I'm 90 % sure we went to the moon. However, bear in mind that Americans didn't know their own government was spying extensively on them til last year. It's the old joke... "Just because your paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't watching you..."

Alternative 3 is an interesting study of conspiracy dynamics. I first heard of it 30 years ago. It started as an April Fools joke in Britain on a science news TV show. It was brilliant in it's conception...

Short version:
1. Global warming will lead to total collapse of earth's eco-systems in two centuries or less.
2. Global governments are co-operating to move the cream of earth's leaders, scientists, etc to bases that have been established for decades on the far side of the moon and on Mars. (Alternative 3. Alternative 1 was huge underground bunkers, Alternative 2 was huge geo-synchronous cities... both were deemed too impractical to carry out.)
3. Mars is actually very liveable. We landed there in the 60s, established bases, using flying saucer technology developed here on earth by scientists.
4. The general population is being kept ignorant of the impending disaster, our advanced technology, the true state of Mars, etc. Governments worldwide are co-operating at the highest levels to perpetuate the myth that our progress in space is a slow, laborious process. (Which explains why the Soviet Union did not expose the Apollo programs as fake...) They don't want to cause a panic while they advance their agenda.
5. They have even developed psychic assassins capable of killing with their minds via spontaneous human combustion.

Due to TV schedule changes it was shown at a later date convincing the general public there that it was the real deal. (You can actually see the original show on YouTube... you'll even recognize some of the 'real scientists' etc as British character actors if you're old enough.)

It's a long convoluted story but thanks to a couple of follow up books and the Internet which gave it new life it has now 'morphed' into this vast conspiracy that involves alien / government co-operation at the highest levels à la X-Files. (The original conspiracy did not involve aliens...)

Adding to the fun and mystery is that some real world events -- too complicated to explain here -- later played right into details of the conspiracy.

I always thought it would make for a brilliant Hollywood movie -- the original version, not the 'updated' version.

a few of those are well-known old jokes.

0:06 - Is government the antithesis of liberty?

0:47 - One of the things that enhances freedoms are roads. Infrastructure enhances freedom. A social safety net enhances freedom.

2:02 - What should we do with the losers that are picked by the free market?

3:38 - Do we live in a society or don't we? Are we a collective? Everybody's success is predicated on the hard work of all of us; nobody gets there on their own. Why should it be that the people who lose are hung out to dry? For a group that doesn't believe in evolution, it's awfully Darwinian.

5:41 - In a representative democracy, we are the government. We have work to do, and we have a business to run, and we have children to raise.. We elect you as our representatives to look after our interests within a democratic system.

7:41 - Is government inherently evil?

9:03 - Sometimes to protect the greater liberty you have to do things like form an army, or gather a group together to build a wall or levy.

9:47 - As soon as you've built an army, you've now said government isn't always inherently evil because we need it to help us sometimes, so now.. it's that old joke: Would you sleep with me for a million dollars? How about a dollar? Who do you think I am? We already decided who you are, now we're just negotiating.

10:54 - You say: government which governs least governments best. But that were the Articles of Confederation. We tried that for 8 years, it didn't work, and went to the Constitution.

11:16 - You give money to the IRS because you think they're gonna hire a bunch of people, that if your house catches on fire, will come there with water.

11:56 - Why is it that libertarians trust a corporation, in certain matters, more than they trust representatives that are accountable to voters? The idea that I would give up my liberty to an insurance company, as opposed to my representative, seems insane.

13:38 - Why is it that with competition, we have such difficulty with our health care system? ...and there are choices within the educational system.

15:00 - Would you go back to 1890?

16:20 - If we didn't have government, we'd all be in hovercrafts, and nobody would have cancer, and broccoli would be ice-cream?

16:30 - Unregulated markets have been tried. The 80's and the 90's were the robber baron age. These regulations didn't come out of an interest in restricting liberty. What they did is came out of an interest in helping those that had been victimized by a system that they couldn't fight back against.

19:04 - Why do you think workers that worked in the mines unionized?

20:13 - Without the government there are no labor unions, because they would be smashed by Pinkerton agencies or people hired, or even sometimes the government.

20:24 - Would the free market have desegregated restaurants in the South, or would the free market have done away with miscegenation, if it had been allowed to? Would Marten Luther King have been less effective than the free market? Those laws sprung up out of a majority sense of, in that time, that blacks should not... The free market there would not have supported integrated lunch counters.

23:23 - Government is necessary but must be held accountable for its decisions.