Any time, mate.
In reply to this comment by Fusionaut:
Thanks, Nicki!
In reply to this comment by gwiz665:
... THE FUCK!?

*quality

Thanks, Nicki!
In reply to this comment by gwiz665:
... THE FUCK!?

*quality

Nicky Rawlins: I feel like some part of this story is missing. Regardless, she probably didn't deserve the treatment she received.

Bishop Nick Baines: Bravo, Sir.

Gary MacFarlane: He seems to think he should be able to discriminate without being discriminated against, and that he should be able to refuse to do his job without being fired. I'd like to ask him to explain why he should get such preferential treatment.

Peter Tatchell: He takes the words right out of my mouth.

Andrea Williams: "Waaah! People are allowed to make fun of Jesus!" Another one who is offended that everyone else isn't a Christian. How dare they have different beliefs than you and, furthermore, have the gall to express them.

Bishop Michael Nazir Ali: I agree that someone being made to leave their home over their religion is persecution. The rest of his words are nonsense.

Anjem Choudary: Muslims probably far are more persecuted than Christians, but you can't move to a country which has laws that are opposed to your beliefs and then whine about it. If you want Sharia, go live in a country that has Sharia.

Conversations with Choggie
I promised below that if I got another abusive email from choggie, I would post the entirety of "conversation" we had after his ban, which was around may 5th. Here it is.

He is ignored and blocked from my email from now on.

No drama, no more conversation. It's over. That last repeating part was also in the emails, in case someone wonders.

choggie kendall <redacted> Tue, May 18, 2010 at 4:29 AM
To: Nicki Thomas Hansen <gwiz665@gmail.com>
Yer post and jab at Texas....the drones???...Old news-happened 3 years ago-Why not do a follow-up? Where are hey now? You know...real information instead of pussy-whipped tones and jabs at shit you haven't a clue about?.....yer a fucking retard and one of the poster children of he VS's languorous demise.

am time. take a hard look inna mirror at all the things you hate about the world.And, all the things you cherish....not hard to be a human being...instead of a monkey doing.

Nicki Hansen <gwiz665@gmail.com> Tue, May 18, 2010 at 8:59 AM
To: choggie kendall <redacted>
Hello Choggie.

I don't care about your opinions. Take them somewhere else.

choggie kendall <redacted> Sat, May 22, 2010 at 2:22 AM
To: Nicki Hansen <gwiz665@gmail.com>
Y'know dickweed?? Yer a fucking pussy who does not know HOW to have a conversation in real-time with a human being. You simply make comments on the VS and imagine yourself clever based on the little clique's response....You are unwilling, not incapable of understanding. I don't care about you lack of awareness either-I use putzs like yourself as a barometer for the world's social dysfunction-You fucking tit-grabbing, raised on porn little, shit talking faggot.

Good luck as a fucking software putz. You are bound to become fatter, more uncomely, and diseased in the profession of your choosing...that of sitting in a computer chair most of your fucking life.

I don't even know why I bother to try to help socially dysfunctional asshats.....You rate about a fucking 7.6 on the 1-10 scale.....Fucking douchebag-wannabee twit.


Nicki Hansen <gwiz665@gmail.com> Sat, May 22, 2010 at 9:57 AM
To: choggie kendall <redacted>
Hah, you must really miss the sift, so you can get your bile out there. I'm far better at holding a conversation than you are, as clearly evidenced in the diatribe below. YOU need to grow the fuck up. I am not unwilling to "understand" it's just that you have nothing worth understanding.

Now, go away. I don't care about your opinions, I don't care how you measure me, I don't care anymore that you only can get people to react to you, by insulting them. It's sad really, but it's not my problem, it's yours.

Good bye.

choggie kendall <redacted> Sun, May 23, 2010 at 2:20 AM
To: Nicki Hansen <gwiz665@gmail.com>
"This dickwad is still abusing me in emails, so I hope it's completely permanent. At least I will do my hardest to make it so.
If I receive any more emails from him, I will post the entirety here for all to see, just so you can get a measure of the man."

Let me oblige you, drama queen. First, here's your response-

"Hah, you must really miss the sift, so you can get your bile out there. I'm far better at holding a conversation than you are, as clearly evidenced in the diatribe below. YOU need to grow the fuck up. I am not unwilling to "understand" it's just that you have nothing worth understanding.
Now, go away. I don't care about your opinions, I don't care how you measure me, I don't care anymore that you only can get people to react to you, by insulting them. It's sad really, but it's not my problem, it's yours.

Good bye.-Nikki"

Now a point by point-First-Litter my dead account with grafitti-Tattle-tail, tattle tail, hang yer britches onna nail...It's indicative of the immature and vindictive to tell others of the invisible bully -Tell the big people so they will fight your battles for you-You can't seem to handle any confrontation, or observations that don't make you feel warm and fuzzy......Hard to experience acceptance i the real world, butyou internet buddies with nothing to lose, will rush to your defense.

You've never held a conversation with me Hanson, on the contrary...you tend to nut the fuck up when reading concepts foreign to you. A sign of developmental disability. Insulting you? Perception baby-Never desired to do so, every time I chose to enter into conversation with you, you ran the fuck away....(Quite the bith to have yer shit shoved up your ass-Dish out and unable to take? Perhaps.

No, dumb-ass, Unless you call "abuse" the one fucking e-mail....yer a drama sponge, it's understandable...you can't help it would seem. Maturity comes with wisdom. (Grow a pair, nancy)

And here...so you have the original email to post for all to see.....how bout do it inna blog that's not un-editable by me-In fact, I'll make it simple for ya-I shall request that the admins eliminate my entire account, dead as it is, so the very memory of someone you are incapable of responding to, can't upset your perfect, fantasy world.

Choggies one email to gwiz665-
"Y'know dickweed?? Yer a fucking pussy who does not know HOW to have a conversation in real-time with a human being. You simply make comments on the VS and imagine yourself clever based on the little clique's response....You are unwilling, not incapable of understanding. I don't care about you lack of awareness either-I use putzs like yourself as a barometer for the world's social dysfunction-You fucking tit-grabbing, raised on porn little, shit talking faggot.

Good luck as a fucking software putz. You are bound to become fatter, more uncomely, and diseased in the profession of your choosing...that of sitting in a computer chair most of your fucking life.

I don't even know why I bother to try to help socially dysfunctional asshats.....You rate about a fucking 7.6 on the 1-10 scale.....Fucking douchebag-wannabee twit."

Nicki Hansen <gwiz665@gmail.com> Sun, May 23, 2010 at 2:51 AM
To: choggie kendall <redacted>
I think you're the one living in a fantasy world, where you can say anything you want to anybody without consequence. My message on your profile was not aimed at you, but at the people who worship you as some sort of golden calf and who obviously haven't seen you being a cockmunch, like you are - yet again - in this reply.

The first real conversation we had was when you approached me on google chat about the peggedbea shit, and YOU were the one who ran away from the conversation. If you can't hold a conversation without dicking people around, it's not worth it to have a conversation with you. Ever since then, I've just not wanted to engage.

YOU are the one who keeps the conversation going, You are the one seeking the drama, I don't want it, I never wanted it. Me posting on your banned user's profile was a message to your legions, not you. I don't care about you.

"You are incapable of responding to" Hah, it's pathetic. You haven't made a single cogent argument. You just spout bile and nonsense and it's tiresome.

I don't care whether or not your user is on there anymore. Frankly, it's dead and gone either way.

If I end up posting these mails I will post them all and in their entirety, not just the one you want me to. I don't expect it to come to that though, since I hope our communication ends with this.

Get over yourself and move the hell on.

choggie kendall <redacted> Thu, Jun 24, 2010 at 8:57 PM
To: Nicki Thomas Hansen <gwiz665@gmail.com>
Would you be so kind as to erase your graffiti from my dormant account's profile? Seems a shame that the last comment to date on my hi-jacked former profile for all to see is a snipish, ego-compromised, spoiled brat quip from a petty little douchebag in training-
Oh and, why not make good on your promise to be a good little fascist and post these "abusive" emails you are getting from dickwad for all your little dickless minions of similar simple minds to see?

Of course, you may want to edit it for content that does not offend your delicate fucking sensibilities-
Thank You in advance-


This dickwad is still abusing me in emails, so I hope it's completely permanent. At least I will do my hardest to make it so.

If I receive any more emails from him, I will post the entirety here for all to see, just so you can get a measure of the man.This dickwad is still abusing me in emails, so I hope it's completely permanent. At least I will do my hardest to make it so.

If I receive any more emails from him, I will post the entirety here for all to see, just so you can get a measure of the man.This dickwad is still abusing me in emails, so I hope it's completely permanent. At least I will do my hardest to make it so.

If I receive any more emails from him, I will post the entirety here for all to see, just so you can get a measure of the man.This dickwad is still abusing me in emails, so I hope it's completely permanent. At least I will do my hardest to make it so.

If I receive any more emails from him, I will post the entirety here for all to see, just so you can get a measure of the man.This dickwad is still abusing me in emails, so I hope it's completely permanent. At least I will do my hardest to make it so.

If I receive any more emails from him, I will post the entirety here for all to see, just so you can get a measure of the man.This dickwad is still abusing me in emails, so I hope it's completely permanent. At least I will do my hardest to make it so.

If I receive any more emails from him, I will post the entirety here for all to see, just so you can get a measure of the man.This dickwad is still abusing me in emails, so I hope it's completely permanent. At least I will do my hardest to make it so.

If I receive any more emails from him, I will post the entirety here for all to see, just so you can get a measure of the man.This dickwad is still abusing me in emails, so I hope it's completely permanent. At least I will do my hardest to make it so.

If I receive any more emails from him, I will post the entirety here for all to see, just so you can get a measure of the man.This dickwad is still abusing me in emails, so I hope it's completely permanent. At least I will do my hardest to make it so.

If I receive any more emails from him, I will post the entirety here for all to see, just so you can get a measure of the man.This dickwad is still abusing me in emails, so I hope it's completely permanent. At least I will do my hardest to make it so.

If I receive any more emails from him, I will post the entirety here for all to see, just so you can get a measure of the man.This dickwad is still abusing me in emails, so I hope it's completely permanent. At least I will do my hardest to make it so.

If I receive any more emails from him, I will post the entirety here for all to see, just so you can get a measure of the man.This dickwad is still abusing me in emails, so I hope it's completely permanent. At least I will do my hardest to make it so.

If I receive any more emails from him, I will post the entirety here for all to see, just so you can get a measure of the man.

I think this is an interesting test. I wonder how often movies fail the inverse test -- two named male characters who talk to each other about something other than a female.

A great deal of the movies failing the Bechdel test are action movies which are legitimately male dominated, such as the Bourne Supremecy. Also, it's questionable whether that movie actually fails the test. Two significant female characters, Pamela Landy and Nicky Parsons, have a scene together and exchange dialogue. The dialogue pertains to a mission related to Jason Bourne, though, so maybe it could be considered "about a man" but that's a bit of a reach.

Hey Nicki!

Hope you enjoy this video of Throbbin, captain_caveman and I the other night:

http://videosift.com/video/throbbin-and-jesseofthenorth-impromptu-siftup-2010

Jesse

Tags for this video have been changed from 'little, nicky, adam, sandler, movie, hell' to 'little nicky, adam sandler, movie, hell, chicago' - edited by kronosposeidon

The baby's name was Nicki.

N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-NA NA

When will Nicky Nervais do the rest of the alphabet?

Edit: Apologies, I just noticed you changed yours to private, so I will do the same now.
Edit 2: No fuck it, it's public. Say thanks to this moron: http://rasch187.videosift.com/#comment-897638

Hi again Rae,

First off, I'm sorry about the mile long wall of text. I do hope you will read all of it none-the-less.

I'm glad you came out yourself to address this, because it's better we get this over with properly, so we can move on with our lives.

I'll stress as well, that UP and Rasch got in to their fight on their own, I had no involvement until UP sent me a message about it.

I was under a completely different impression about being invited to bea's place and honestly I still am. I didn't try to force myself over there, but when she invited me, however casually, we discussed quite a bit on messenger afterwards. I wouldn't have gone over there if I had been given the slightest impression that she was not comfortable with it. I'm very sorry that she did feel pressured into it, but I never intended to do that. I just saw a trip to Texas as a golden opportunity to get OUT, get away from Denmark for a while. As we discussed in our chats, I had been feeling restless and bogged down in everyday life for a pretty long and her invitation was like a blessing to me (for lack of a better word). I may have been eager about it, but I don't know what to say - I just wanted to get out. I didn't buy the tickets overnight - we did discuss it, and we chatted quite a lot before I did come over there, and she never gave any indication that she didn't want me to come over.

In the very first chat we had on messenger, I very clearly remember it, you said.. "I could seriously fall for you" and followed it up by "but I'm actually already taken (...)" and we got into a discussion about jake and all that. I accepted it already then. We both carried on afterwards with talking dirty and watching all that weird porn (you were quite as much to blame for that!) and I had loads of fun, because you were much different from anyone I knew. You made me smile when we talked.

I'm sorry I didn't let the coming to meet you lie, but I was not being so frantically serious about it. I really wanted to meet you, yes, and to be honest I still would, in a crowded room, with many sifters. At a siftup, perhaps. (Incidentally, I have nothing against Jake. I think he's a good guy and you two ARE lucky to have found each other.)

I never meant to imply that he and you were not serious. You made it abundantly clear that you were very serious, I was just being a smart-ass, because if I had been in his shoes that's what I would have wanted to do. I never meant to imply anything about you and Jake with that, so I'm sorry you saw it as such. I really am.

About skype and messenger for that matter, I only asked for your skype address once and it was partly meant as a joke; and with your reply "no way, that's just for me and jake" I let that lie. The other part of that was that I wanted to just talk with you, to hear your voice, and it had been a long time since we chatted, so I wrote that message - as you said, so shoot me...

I know you hate hurting people and I appreciate that, but in the end this has hurt a lot more. If you had told me something to the effect "I think this coming over to meet me is making me uncomfortable, because you're too persistent - I like you as a friend, but I don't want to meet with you, at least not on my own or right now" I would have apologized right there and I would have learned to ease up with you. Instead I kept teasing you with it, and as I've said before, to jake and you, I believe, my common sense was just out of wack because of all the shit we talked about. I never saw it coming that you just did not want to talk to me, and when you wrote your "tired of the bullshit" I had no idea what you were getting on about, so it hurt.. to be honest, it really hurt. I was messed up all day from that and that's why I was so after getting a bigger reply after that. I felt as if I had been hit by a bus, because I truly considered you a friend.

About the trip to Texas. I did not get the impression that it was a disaster at all. She was a bit pissed with me for the boob grabbing, but it was only two days after she booted me because she had to tend to her father's funeral. In that two day span, everything was just dandy, I mean, she never gave any indication that it was so disastrous. Yes, the boobgrabbing was way over the line, we've been over that a million times and I've apologized as much as I can about it. The environment that they created was a factor in me doing it, it was not just "because I was drunk" - I wasn't THAT drunk, and I don't get grabby in general. When I am in good company, with people I consider friends, I can be quite dirty talking, sure, but I'm not a sexually offensive guy physically at all, I just followed their lead when they freaking made out on the porch I though, "well three can play that game" and did it. I know that was wrong, but that's the reason I did it. I didn't want to freak them out as bad as they clearly did, and they didn't do anything at the time, they just basically shrugged it off.

As we have discussed earlier, I portray myself here as pretty much myself - not completely, I take it to much larger extremes here, but mostly I'm just being myself.

Also I know that we have discussed your inability to find a woman. You yourself put it down to the fact that you had to get drunk to converse with them, and once that had happened you tended to become lewd and inappropriate, the drink was doing the talking

I think you are getting at this from a wrong angle. They are two different issues. One is that I don't have the nerve to approach strange girls, or really strangers altogether, but I loosen up when I get a beer in me. Most guys can relate to that, girls too, I would think. Second, I'm not lewd and inappropriate around people I don't know, even when I'm drunk, I only get like that around people that I like - as in if we're a bunch from my year on the university out getting smashed or something. The reason I got like that at bea's place the one night, was because I was having a good time and the three of them were good company. Yeah, I did swear to the three adults, but I never did so to any of her kids - I don't want to freak out kids, I don't really even like kids, but I think I behaved pretty well around her children in general, except for when we had that game of scrabble and I swore to iv or bea in casual conversation, when the little one had just snuck out from the bedroom. I was doing this partly to be intentionally teasing, because we had just had a discussion earlier about what one should and shouldn't say to kids. Bea had sworn as well earlier in casual conversation, so I did not take that as so terrible. Evidently, I was mistaken.

I never EVER said anything sexual to any of her kids. I'm appalled that she thinks that, because I don't do that.

The remark after the siftup was not aimed at you at all and I was perplexed that you saw it as such, because we didn't have any secrets at all. As we chatted on messenger about, I never intended it for you it was just a general remark to sifters.

Concerning rasch. I made it clear in private to you that I didn't like him. He was an obnoxious person and he should go suck a fuck. I still hold that opinion. If our roles had been reversed, I would have told YOU to take care of the situation, instead of interjecting myself as a fucking savior to get you poor women the rescue you so needed. That's because I'm a nice person, who don't put my own ego in front of everyone else's. The chat that he quoted between you and him seems to me to be pretty damn two-faced from you as well. You present yourself one way to me and another to him. That's not nice,, at all. I know exactly what he did and so does everyone else - it's plainly public. He acted like an aggressive brute trying to verbally punch me out in his comments. He attacked me way earlier than that as well, the comment you laughed about a while back, even though he did apologize for that afterwards. He deserves the tiny little corner of shame that he painted himself into.

The accusations made against me are many and plentiful (well, three in total counting boobgrabbing, gutter mouthing and your own), but I think it's a shame that yours and bea's have been muddled together, because they are really two separate issues.

I'm quite angry with bea still, because it's because of her that this has blown up and blown so out of proportion as it has. This was not my doing - any of you could have approached me privately and that could have been that - if you had explained what I had done wrong. All of you, except Cari, just ignored me and left me in the complete dark. Cari kept me on facebook and was in general like she always was, but said she didn't want to get involved when I asked what was up with bea, because she had removed me from facebook. I respected that and I still do - she acted the most like an adult. I think you are out of line to suggest why she apologized, but while you may or may not be right, she apologized none-the-less. And we are still friendly around each other, even though she is the one that was slighted the most. I'm not going to visit her in person, probably ever, but that doesn't mean that we can't be civil. I still think she's fun and a boon.

It's likely that she didn't actually forgive you at all and that she is too nice of a person to really come out and say what she thinks. I can relate.

You are being awfully passive-aggressive here and presumptuous. I would welcome her saying all she wanted to me in private if she wanted, but she already has - and we've patched things up as far as we could at this time. We're in a good place now both of us as far as I know.

Bea got blamed for everything justly in my opinion - I got my share of grizzly attacks too, which I feel terrible about, but I owned up to my fucking mistakes - she just shits on the floor and slams the door behind her. She has as much blame in this situation as I do and if she wants to flame out, as she did, then I have no interest in patching anything up with her. She was fun to talk to, if a big damn bit more crazy than you, for instance, but fun non-the-less. Not so much anymore. I acted pretty well over there and if she had issues with me, she could have just told me. We sat on her porch and talked while she smoked plenty of times and no indication at all. Her family and friends were never there except Cari and their friend Rick on that Tuesday with the boobgrabbing (and of course the kids, who I was very nice to).

Have I lied to you before? Honestly, ever? I've only ever been painfully truthful and if I wanted to just talk shit, wouldn't I have painted a much more rose-tinted version? I'm sorry you are taking her version, because it is far more skewed than mine is - and dammit, I ought to have deserved some trust with you.. we were friends!

I've reflected on this long and hard, I truly have, and I think I have learned from it as well. I've toned down my lewdness and I find myself holding my tongue more often than before. But not much else is to change, unless I want to be a completely different person, and all my friends seem to like me as I am just fine, so I don't want to change into something I'm not.

I've also learned that there are people in this world, who will fuck you over. I am not one of those people and I don't think you are either. We all make mistakes and misjudgments and I think you are misjudging me. I still would like to be your "friend" in some capacity, but you make it pretty clear you don't want that. I'm sorry you don't. I will consider myself as on friendly terms with you and if you do come back to the sift some time, then I will treat you respectfully and I hope you will do the same thing with me.

I still feel terrible about how all this happened and about how our friendship fell apart. :-/

Nicki.

PS. Incidentally, I have found a woman, who I am very glad for and who for some bizarre reason likes me a whole lot too, so I HAVE grown a bit at least.

In reply to this comment by alien_concept:
OK, first of all I want you to know, I happened upon this whole conversation between UP, rasch and yourself as I still visit now and again. Don't for one moment think that he's come crying to me.

If rasch was referring to anything creepy, then it wouldn't have been logs of conversations we've had, it would have been PM's. And also pointing out certain things you had written in threads, baiting me etc. Most of it was not private.

I wish I'd have come straight to you once everything had come out regarding bea, but honestly at that point I had already had enough of our relationship on here and had been avoiding talking to you for ages. Yes I'm a coward for not just straight up telling you things were bothering me. And yes, everything here could have been dealt with differently. The main reason for me not coming straight out and ever saying anything, was because I really felt that the way I carried on with you, that I had encouraged you. I am very open and broad minded. We have discussed numerous topics and I always came across like I was comfortable in anything we discussed. And for a long while I was.

Quite early on it became apparent that you had feelings for me. At this point I told you about myself and Jake, because I didn't want you to think that any relationship between us was possible. You will notice that Jake not once ever had a problem with the way we behaved around here or in fact on messenger. He just saw it all as a bit of fun and nothing to get possessive about. It was nothing to do with him, right? Because we were just friends, fooling around and being risque for a laugh.

The things that started bothering me were that you wouldn't let the coming here to see me lie. I'd give you a thousand excuses as to why it couldn't happen, at least not any time soon. But it was so regular, and the comments you made about how if you were Jake you'd have been here with me already (implying that he wasn't serious about me? that's kind of how it felt) and always with the questioning. Why did you have to wait til after he had been here, where do you live, what's your skype address (even though I told you that skype was only something I used for me and him). And telling me you'd found out how much it cost to get here etc etc. It built up and built up, and I didn't know how to tell you to back off without hurting your feelings entirely. I HATE hurting anyone, and like I said, I blamed myself for having not said anything before and letting it get to the point it was at, and potentially giving you mixed signals, by first telling you I was unavailable and then carrying on flirting with you (out in the open)and sharing graphic (although always sickly amusing) porn, and discussing other such personal subjects. I hadn't been careful, so instead of fronting it out with you, I ignored you. So shoot me...

When bea messaged me after you had left Texas, she did it not to gossip, but because your visit there had been a fucking disaster, she felt that you didn't understand any boundaries, you made her feel uncomfortable with the things you were coming out with and you had told her that you intended to come and see me. She felt like she had to warn me about how you had presented yourself there. The thing was, so many things rang true on what she was saying. That she hadn't outright invited you - just in the lounge she'd said off the cuff as she does, that yeah you should come to Texas one day, and the next thing she knew you'd booked tickets and she didn't have a clue how to say no. Well, you were relentless with me about coming here...

That you had made inappropriate sexual comments in front of her children. Well I remember one time you making one about my daughter too, something about when she came of age, blech. I took it as a joke, at the time although it didn't sit comfortably with me. Also I know that we have discussed your inability to find a woman. You yourself put it down to the fact that you had to get drunk to converse with them, and once that had happened you tended to become lewd and inappropriate, the drink was doing the talking. Now considering that you spent time there getting drunk and you definitely thought it was ok to grab IV's breast (btw, justifying that by saying that bea had just done it, what the fuck???) it didn't take much to come to the conclusion what with everything else that you were indeed not in your right mind. Whether you agree or not, that's how it all came about. It felt like the character you "played" on here, wasn't just a character after all. And that was fucking disturbing to me.

I sat on it forever. I wasn't going to bring any of it up because bea did not want the drama, and neither did IV. She also felt partly responsible for giving you the wrong idea about things because of the way she converses with everyone. And she didn't want it all to drag out like it has. But as I told you, after numerous PM's and references in video threads, then the limerick, and THEN what I truly felt to be another jab against me when you mentioned in the sift up thread that anyone who had secrets with you weren't secrets any more, I finally blew my lid. I just didn't want to be here any longer.

If you had have been on the outside of this looking in like rasch has been, I'm pretty sure that you would have, after all the evidence presented to you, felt that it needed to once and for all be addressed. I'm not saying he couldn't have gone about it in a better way, he definitely could. But then, so could we all have done, isn't that right? I'd like you to stop blaming him for everything now, it's somewhat projecting rather than really taking a look at how and why things have happened how they have. He has freely admitted that he should have been more discreet, and now he is just left defending his corner without really being able to say anything at all. Enough is enough.

I hope this explains what you have wanted to know. Whether you agree with the accusations made against you, they have been made. Not just by one person, but two and that's not including her family and friends who were around too I'm sure. IV apologised with you to keep the peace and not let it all get blown up publically like it has and to stop bea being blamed for everything like she was after she flamed out. It's likely that she didn't actually forgive you at all and that she is too nice of a person to really come out and say what she thinks. I can relate. I hope you reflect on all of this and you consider how things can end up, as have I on numerous occasions. And yes, it's your word against hers. Either of you could be talking shit. But I'm taking her version, as have people chosen to take yours.

Rae

I never got around to thanking you for your input, so thank you. I enjoy our chats in the lounge and your presence on the sift.

I'm not going anywhere if that is what you were thinking with your be well, and if it was meant in general, then thank you for your support.

In reply to this comment by griefer_queafer:
I imagine you are not looking at the rather painful sift talk, so i wanted to copy and paste what I wrote directly to you:

Yeah... this is a bit too PUBLIC for my tastes as well. Perhaps there should be some rules or guidelines for the future on this kind of public confrontation? its not a big deal--for those NOT INVOLVED. And i think thats the point. So why dont all of you involved get a nice little room with weapons and stuff and work it out.

Gwiz, I hope my post is the last here, because I truly think this is all way off point. I respect IV, PB, AND you, but at the end of the day, I don't know any of you personally, which is why i feel the public nature of this converstaion is both a violation of your privacy and conter-productive to any number of people thinking about their own actions (which i dare say does not only include yourself). Be well, Nicki, and don't look at this as a personal catastrophe, because the internet is such that it is ALWAYS implicit that things are missing, omitted, left behind, deleted, and that this is not an accurate representation of you to those who have not met you. I think all the sifters who don't in fact know you appreciate this fact. And as far as the people who are lodging these criticisms, as well as the rather round-about way in which (i am sorry to say) i feel A_C is approaching this, i think you folks should be more sensitive and understand that healing is never best achieved in such a conflagatory context. it should be private, and should involve the appropriate parties.

That's all I have to say about that. But I wish you the best, A_C, in whatever you do. Good luck.

I just had a lengthy conversation with alien_concept on messenger - she wrote me - and with her blessing I'm going to put it verbatim here, so you can get an idea of where we stand:
(apologies for not having a [[snip]] here)

15-09-2009 12:32:36 Rachel Nicki i'm about to get a nap in nicki
15-09-2009 12:32:50 Nicki Rachel don't hate me
15-09-2009 12:32:52 Rachel Nicki but i just wanted to say, everything you have explained is fair
15-09-2009 12:33:06 Nicki Rachel ok
15-09-2009 12:33:11 Rachel Nicki and i think that a lot of all of us have just not understood the others sideof things
15-09-2009 12:33:26 Rachel Nicki and a lot hasn't been said so as not to hurt the others feelings
15-09-2009 12:33:42 Nicki Rachel heh, that didn't work out too well
15-09-2009 12:33:46 Rachel Nicki my reaction was what you said in the sift talk thread
15-09-2009 12:33:52 Rachel Nicki about telling secrets
15-09-2009 12:34:07 Rachel Nicki at that point whether you had said anythign about me or not, it felt like it was aimed at me
15-09-2009 12:34:20 Nicki Rachel aah, I never said anything like that
15-09-2009 12:34:31 Nicki Rachel I don't think we had any real secrets either, did we?
15-09-2009 12:34:36 Rachel Nicki "if you had any secrets with me, they're not secrest anymore"
15-09-2009 12:34:41 Nicki Rachel I'm so sorry if you felt that hit you
15-09-2009 12:34:46 Rachel Nicki no, other than the jake thing, no
15-09-2009 12:34:59 Nicki Rachel I did not tell the other sanything about that
15-09-2009 12:35:00 Rachel Nicki not that ic are if anyone knows anymore, but i just felt it was another way of abiting me
15-09-2009 12:35:05 Rachel Nicki youc an see why, can you not?
15-09-2009 12:35:06 Nicki Rachel I was just being facetitious
15-09-2009 12:35:23 Nicki Rachel yes yes, of course.. I didn't mean that
15-09-2009 12:35:30 Nicki Rachel god, I've been so stupid during this whole thing
15-09-2009 12:35:38 Rachel Nicki no nicki, we all have
15-09-2009 12:35:43 Rachel Nicki we ALL have
15-09-2009 12:35:46 Rachel Nicki it's a lesson learnt
15-09-2009 12:35:50 Nicki Rachel I really didn't want to make you feel bad
15-09-2009 12:35:58 Rachel Nicki i get that now
15-09-2009 12:36:01 Rachel Nicki ok?
15-09-2009 12:36:11 Nicki Rachel oh this is bad
15-09-2009 12:36:11 Rachel Nicki like is aid, lessons learnt
15-09-2009 12:36:18 Nicki Rachel I can't fucking stop crying
15-09-2009 12:36:22 Rachel Nicki i should have ben honest with you but i was stuck between a rock and a hard place
15-09-2009 12:36:43 Nicki Rachel I'm sorry, I'm sorry
15-09-2009 12:36:53 Rachel Nicki it's ok, look nicki, it's ok
15-09-2009 12:36:58 Nicki Rachel I only ever wanted to be your friend
15-09-2009 12:37:06 Rachel Nicki you are vilifed in this, everyone has said their piece
15-09-2009 12:37:11 Nicki Rachel we talked so much shit, that it just felt natural at the end
15-09-2009 12:37:12 Rachel Nicki you have back up
15-09-2009 12:37:36 Rachel Nicki yes i understand that, which is why i never wanted to push it and tell you
15-09-2009 12:37:47 Rachel Nicki i blame myself for letting it get that far, i shouldn't expect you tojust know
15-09-2009 12:37:52 Rachel Nicki i have to go right now
15-09-2009 12:38:00 Rachel Nicki i will bbs ok
15-09-2009 12:38:10 Rachel Nicki i'm leaving vs but it's not cos of you, it's cos i want to
15-09-2009 12:38:19 Nicki Rachel Ok, I hope you will talk to me again at some point
15-09-2009 12:51:29 Rachel Nicki so yeah like i said i am leaving
15-09-2009 12:51:37 Rachel Nicki but it's because thats' what needs to hapen at this point
15-09-2009 12:51:43 Rachel Nicki i was goin to anyway, but quietly
15-09-2009 12:51:53 Nicki Rachel ok
15-09-2009 12:51:56 Rachel Nicki then i was drunk on sunday mornign, saw your post and thought ohhh fuck you man
15-09-2009 12:52:17 Nicki Rachel can I explain that one?
15-09-2009 12:52:17 Rachel Nicki certainly didn't expect anyone elses reactions, not rasch's or beas
15-09-2009 12:52:38 Rachel Nicki so it wasn't like i posted to bring it all to light, i just wanted you to know
15-09-2009 12:52:39 Nicki Rachel I made that limerick, because I remembered all the good times and I wanted you to too
15-09-2009 12:52:41 Rachel Nicki yeah go on
15-09-2009 12:52:56 Rachel Nicki no not that post, the one in the sift up thread
15-09-2009 12:53:01 Nicki Rachel oh
15-09-2009 12:53:04 Rachel Nicki that one i was just ignoring, but i got it at the time
15-09-2009 12:53:23 Rachel Nicki i know that it had come out of nowhere, but i felt the best course of action was to ignore thinking you'd give up
15-09-2009 12:53:36 Nicki Rachel well, that one was not directed at you at all
15-09-2009 12:53:59 Nicki Rachel I promise you, the only things I mentioned about you and me, was that you didn't want to talk to me anymore
15-09-2009 12:54:02 Rachel Nicki it felt like it,t hat's all i'm saying
15-09-2009 12:54:10 Nicki Rachel and I didn't really understand why
15-09-2009 12:54:14 Nicki Rachel I do understand now
15-09-2009 12:54:28 Nicki Rachel But I really, really didn't get it after your final message
15-09-2009 12:54:49 Rachel Nicki no i gett hat
15-09-2009 12:54:54 Nicki Rachel because I had done nothing different or especially grivous between us talking fine and that
15-09-2009 12:54:54 Rachel Nicki but like i said it wan't just bea
15-09-2009 12:55:13 Nicki Rachel ok?
15-09-2009 12:55:14 Rachel Nicki it was just the level of it, and i felt you didn't understand what i was saying about me and jake, how serious we were
15-09-2009 12:55:29 Rachel Nicki but i get that our convios could have left you confused
15-09-2009 12:55:44 Nicki Rachel Well, you have said to me that it was very serious
15-09-2009 12:55:52 Rachel Nicki i am very outright and i dont have too many mimits myself, so i understand why you didnt' take it into consideration now
15-09-2009 12:56:09 Rachel Nicki limits*
15-09-2009 12:56:27 Nicki Rachel and I didn't try to become your boyfriend except way at the beginning before you told me about jake, when I was just interested
15-09-2009 12:56:36 Nicki Rachel after that it was all shits and giggles
15-09-2009 12:56:39 Nicki Rachel or so I thought
15-09-2009 12:56:49 Nicki Rachel I mean, I never tried to come over and surprise you in london
15-09-2009 12:56:56 Rachel Nicki i guess when i kept telling you that i wanted to meet up with jake first, and i got PM's from you saying that you'd fund tickets and whatnot, i just felt like you weren't ever going to understand
15-09-2009 12:57:11 Nicki Rachel I wanted to meet you sure, because I feared something like this would happen
15-09-2009 12:57:41 Nicki Rachel oh, well that was just me being a dick, that whole "be afraid" thing was meant to be with a glint in the eye
15-09-2009 12:57:49 Nicki Rachel I'm so sorry if you felt threatened by that
15-09-2009 12:58:02 Rachel Nicki i didnt' feel threatened, it's not like you know my address
15-09-2009 12:58:05 Nicki Rachel I just noticed the ticket prices when I booked the trip to texas
15-09-2009 12:58:18 Rachel Nicki i just felt like you weren't understanding my position
15-09-2009 12:58:33 Nicki Rachel I think you told me your address way back, but I don't have a record of it anyway
15-09-2009 12:58:43 Rachel Nicki and i'm either too coward or too cautious of peoples feelings to say it to you outright
15-09-2009 12:58:46 Rachel Nicki and i shold have dine
15-09-2009 12:58:51 Rachel Nicki so i take that responsibility
15-09-2009 12:59:00 Nicki Rachel I totally understand you wanted to meet jake first before any other sifter
15-09-2009 12:59:05 Nicki Rachel I do respect it
15-09-2009 12:59:10 Rachel Nicki cool
15-09-2009 12:59:15 Rachel Nicki like i said
15-09-2009 12:59:26 Rachel Nicki this is a big lesson learnt in miscommunication and prsumptions
15-09-2009 12:59:40 Nicki Rachel I hope that you won't hate me for ever.. I really liked you and was glad about our friendship
15-09-2009 12:59:44 Nicki Rachel hah, yeah
15-09-2009 12:59:47 Rachel Nicki i didn't think my post would blow so wide
15-09-2009 13:00:00 Rachel Nicki but it has, and it's all laid out and you have laid yourself out
15-09-2009 13:00:05 Rachel Nicki and that is very clear
15-09-2009 13:00:10 Nicki Rachel It was the only way I could deal with it
15-09-2009 13:00:18 Nicki Rachel but I don't think I can bear the brunt of it much longer
15-09-2009 13:00:26 Nicki Rachel it's just starting to hurt and that sucks
15-09-2009 13:00:33 Rachel Nicki copy this convo, say you have spoken to me
15-09-2009 13:00:49 Nicki Rachel ok
15-09-2009 13:00:56 Rachel Nicki explain that you realise now that you took the way we spoke to you the wrong way, and you let it bleed over into real life
15-09-2009 13:01:01 Rachel Nicki that all makesperfect sense
15-09-2009 13:01:19 Nicki Rachel I already did that just now in the thread
15-09-2009 13:01:22 Rachel Nicki and make sure you say that we have ALL learnt things frmo this
15-09-2009 13:01:35 Nicki Rachel but I will add this conversation to it, just to finish it up
15-09-2009 13:01:36 Rachel Nicki ok
15-09-2009 13:01:49 Rachel Nicki you do that
15-09-2009 13:01:55 Rachel Nicki could you edit my typos
15-09-2009 13:02:00 Nicki Rachel hah
15-09-2009 13:02:17 Nicki Rachel have fun where ever you are off to now
15-09-2009 13:02:35 Nicki Rachel and if you ever think of me with a good thought, please stop by and say hello
15-09-2009 13:02:37 Rachel Nicki and make sure you add this bit of the convo too
15-09-2009 13:02:47 Rachel Nicki bea does NOT deserve to be annihilated for this
15-09-2009 13:03:17 Rachel Nicki this is clearly an amalgamation of a hundred things
15-09-2009 13:03:22 Nicki Rachel I know that, but the accusations I've heard makes me very angry
15-09-2009 13:03:24 Nicki Rachel yeah, it is
15-09-2009 13:03:53 Rachel Nicki well then, with my blessing post this convo
15-09-2009 13:03:59 Rachel Nicki and good luck to you all
15-09-2009 13:04:08 Nicki Rachel Like I said, I can be very oblivious, but I'm not malicious
15-09-2009 13:04:20 Nicki Rachel Ok, thank you and good luck to you as well

I sure wish you had told me this earlier and looking back over my comments I can see a lot of them were too much. I think during our conversations we pushed the limits of what's normally talked about and that made me insensitive to the fact that it might make you uncomfortable. I should have seen it earlier, but I dunno, my common sense was compromised, I suppose. Please accept my apology and I do wish you well.

In reply to this comment by alien_concept:
I'm sorry for everything all coming out so publically, but honestly more sorry for bea. We were friends Nicki, and in the beginning we had some hilarious talks and I enjoyed being around you. But it just became unbearable. I should have told you at the time, you obviously need things pointing out to you in no uncertain terms. I found it hard to do that with you, because I deemed you aggravating but nice and harmless.

I just hope that your future dealings with females, you will have learnt something. Not that we are all a bunch of rape crying harpies, but that no matter how open-minded and liberal someone is, there are always limits.

I'm sorry for everything all coming out so publically, but honestly more sorry for bea. We were friends Nicki, and in the beginning we had some hilarious talks and I enjoyed being around you. But it just became unbearable. I should have told you at the time, you obviously need things pointing out to you in no uncertain terms. I found it hard to do that with you, because I deemed you aggravating but nice and harmless.

I just hope that your future dealings with females, you will have learnt something. Not that we are all a bunch of rape crying harpies, but that no matter how open-minded and liberal someone is, there are always limits.

I agree I should have taken up my personal beef with wiz privately. I apologize for this. I have also already apologized to Nicki. I made an error with emotions. So on behalf of.. well me... I extend my apologies to the people of the sift for my outburst.