A more urgent question must be asked: What will it take for Seagal to never step his bloated, no-actin' ass in front of a camera ever again?

So wait....that's Jessica Alba before the Haven and the Honor and when did she make a flick lately? There's yer hottie former-actress web-addict mom for ya, just-a crankin'-out them oddly-named chilluns and puttin' her no-actin' talents on hold!
Srsl'y tho, she's about as cute as bugs and as genuinely fascinated with life as they come...can't stand most of the films she stars in, dig the cameos and side characters though.....WHAT!?....She can't act!

-just watched Gayniggers from Outer Space last month again...lotta no-actin' gay neegrow in that flick-

Shia looks hammered 'n tossed-I call week-long coke binge on his no-actin' ass.

It's Will Smith and son, Fletch.....Daddys' grooming his no-actin' son to take over the Smith legacy for future generations of popcorn-slammin' entertainment junkies.

He looks to be shaping-up in the fine tradition of the Will Smith, uni-dimensional school of acting.

If Keneau Reeves were black (and had a personality), he might still be making movies, too!

Now he just wasn't stuck enough as a child...goin' on them floatie ass chairs...licking pichers and actin a fool...wait to your father sees ya doin that shit you be living in the damn wood shed from now on.

Yo, I'm smokin herbals till it hurts you
I keep your daughter way out past her curfew
Hard far from commercial
(So what cha mean nigga)
We don't give a fuck when we smoked out
In the land that's doped out [it's like that?] no doubt
From this bomb weed, I cock from the streets
Get you open like buttcheeks, from girls who be freaks
Aiyyo, can I be SWV?
You the One nigga
Rap Shogun, yes E the one
Yo, I'm rollin with a forty pack of niggaz
Get my weed from Branson cause his sack's bigger
Yo give me dap nigga
What I clap lyrically tap call back
Ferocious causin comatoses to collapse
So chinky eyed I see people wavin on a map
I make it hotter than your thermostats (beep beep beep beep)
Bomb MC's with rough megahertz so call me
Funk Doctor verbal starburst, lyrical expert
Your boombox better form a union
Cause I leave your circus overworked, word bond
Niggaz front like they want it
But I be in the five hundred with E steadily gettin blunted
Damn nigga you cool at what you spittin
So why you holdin the blunt so long politickin
Huh, I ace them blunts with the technician
of electrician, I don't got a pot to piss in
But still spend my last on hyrdroglycerin
I keep it live no jive rollin Dutches
that's Masters like the Furious Five
I, keep your crew chinky eyed, for bitches actin dog
(Can you hit it from the back?) Why not, while we toke on this

I smoked with a lot of college, students
Most of em, wasn't graduatin and they knew it
You know the weed slang? Yeah boy I speak it fluent
I light your college dorm with my entourage from Newark
Bigger they come, harder they fall
That goes for, knuckleheads, MC's, pussy walls and all
I lit my first L before I started to crawl
I got my ass whupped when I had my first brawl
But things changed since I was twelve years old
I specialize in wreckin mics and area codes
Now, PPP the kinda niggaz that'll bug witcha
Smoke bud witcha, later on stick a sluginya
Everything that's like green ain't the bomb bitch
I got different forms to make you lose your calm bitch
Read my lips, you ain't hittin unless you got
Ten on it, get on it, or get the fuck out my cypher

Busta Rhymez up in the place true indeed
yes I catch wreck and that's word on my seed
I guarantee to give you what you need
One blood everybody like Junior Reid
Wake up every morning yo I must up seed
Nationwide darkhorse make the world stampede
Yo really let me roll some weed
mad charged nigga now I must proceed
Yo we 'bout to make you set speed
Peace to Baby Phife, Q-Tip, Ali Shaheed
Watch me knock you out like Apollo Creed
Body blow bustin' your shit making you bleed
Just feed off dynamic flows an take heed
Need more information homeboy then just read
Ay-Ya!! you can read all about the pure breed
Do the bogle dance I'll do the pepperseed

How dare you ever try to step on my suede shoes
Top Gun shut down your Firm like Tom Cruise
Please let me get down and blow a fuse
Actin' fool breakin' shit down to molecules
Yo let me hit you with my ill street blues
Busta Rhymez always headlines the street news
Woo-Hah!!! Yo baby girl don't be confused
Sail my seven seas and enjoy my boat cruise
I know you really want to know who's
comin' through leaving bloodstains and residues
Sorry homeboy but your flow sounds used
Gotta pay your dues baby you know the rules
Whenever I travel the world I landcruise
If you choose to fuck around you get bruised
Now I got you gassed on super unleaded fuels
Get me through give me some space you excuse

Yo which muthaphucka stole my flow
eenie....meenie miney mo
Throw that type of nigga right out my window
Blast your ass hit you with my direct blow
Bo!! Coming through like G.I. Joe
Star Wars movie deal like Han Solo
Make you bounce around like this was calypso
Always shine cause I got the high pro glow
You think that you can hide you think you can lay low
Roll up on your ass like Hawaii 5-0
Mad out with my dreads in my kango
forget the Moet nigga just pass the Cisco
Yo!! Take a trip down to Mexico
Come back with that shit that might make you psycho
Maximum frequencies through your stereo
Sorry this is it but homeboy I got to go

The beat was sposed to drop right there
The beat was sposed to drop right there
The beat was sposed to drop right there
Yeah yeah yeah... uhh
I send this one out, to my right hand man
or mens, or womens, the whole crew
The real fam

We can count the dough or kick a flow
or chill out watchin videos
or actin really silly yo but really doe
all that can end...
Whether at the bar with superstars
or cruisin in the trooper car
I really don't care who you are
All I really need is a friend
Verse One: KRS-One
If we can't have trust then you can't hang with us
We respond to those who show respect with respect
We respond we connect on the same deck
same intellect, my man, never shifty, thinks quickly
If you can't understand, we boys we boys
We could stand on the corner with a hat sellin toys
It ain't about your Benz I hope it ain't about mine
my man, I be dissin in my freestyle rhyme
Gettin G's around the world, I can trust you with my girl
my man, we chillin at the jam, what's the plan?
I'm not a yes man and none of my friends are yes men
or women, I'm drivin, I see my peeps yo get in
Where you fit in? True friends are quick to sit
in the beginning of all trouble, and when your bankroll doubles
Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble
Still I got my own space like Hubble

Cause don't nobody care about us, all they do is doubt us
Until we blow the spot then they all wanna crowd us
and wanna shout us, but you my man from way back
I just gots to say that, actin large I don't play that
But I can't say that, where I play at isn't fast-paced
A friend can acquire the taste to become two-faced
And that's a disgrace there ain't nothing you can say to us
When the kid you grew up with betrays your trust
When we used to ride the bus we had trust
Now we cash checks and drive Lex, and can't show respect to one of us
Yo the heads I hang with ain't tryin to just get
what they can get, sit quickly backstabbin the click
I roll thick, but only some are friends really
down to the end, my right hand men and women
Mutual support, from the beginning
Been in, exactly what I've been in

Back to back we attack corporate America
Gettin fees that amount to G's in every area
You my man I ain't gotta drag you along
You pull your own weight, yeah you definitely got it goin on
I don't see nothin wrong wit a little bumpin car system
thumpin, between the crew we always got sump'un
But if we had nuttin no frontin whatever
We'd still be crew you and me, me for you together
Word, fake people ain't worth a turd
They only want to be your friend because of what they overheard
I send this record to the well respected
Friends that I've collected, I hope I am what you expected
Yeah, so check it, so check it

Alright I might
Have had a little glare when I stared at ya ho
But I didn't know she was like that
She stared right back
My niggas warnin me that she was comin on to me
I react like a mack do I act cool
Just to test her cause I ain't no jester
I suggest her and her friend be outtie
Cause I don't want to make my pals get rowdy
And doubt me our friendship
But when lips touch
I go crazy in the clutch
Sorta like schitzo I forgets my bros and pals over gals
I didn't mean to but when you fiend you do
Strange things for the denim no matter who's in em
Grab a flooze then I'm in traffic
Don't laugh it might be your girl that I'm talkin about

Another incident when I went
Way beyond what I should of done
John should of stopped before them drawers dropped
But I didn't ain't no quittin
Really didn't care who's girl I was hittin
I admit skinz ain't a reason to lose friends
But then again I didn't know, sorry
Accept apologies and live on
Are we goin hold grudges well oh fudge
Its a new year and I do fear
Ya actions ya actin shy
I mean ya need to be smackin
That hoe
Instead of tryin to front on me ya know
Thats exactly how I'm goin to be ya know
I run my game on any G ya know
Cause we the most entertainin
I meant to blame women
For makin me do what the Ak seem to
When you call I screen you
I didn't mean to

Why do fools be schememin dreamin
Actin like demons
Niggas don't give a fuck
Because they beat shit
To many girls front cute
When they want loot
They tell lies the swell guys
Can peep it and thats weak shit
Thats why I run game on every freak I get
Born in Oakland grew up pumpin Too Short
I know the rules on the flooze so who's short
I once had a ho who smoked blunts yo
She tried to get me so I looked at the front door
And now shes not with me so forget it
But every once in a while I'll hit it
And it happened to be your girl
I didn't mean to and I been through
Your relationship and I hate dumb dips
But I really can't trip when they ride my tip
I didn't mean to

Cruisin' Mos Espa
In my Delorean
War's over
I'm a peacetime mandalorian

My story has stumped
Star Wars historians
Deep in debate,
Buffet plate at Bennigan's

Rhyme renegade
Sure to penetrate
First and second offense
I won't hesitate

Got a job to do
And Darth's the guy that delegates
Got something against Skywalker
Someone he really hates

I don't give a fuck
I'm after Solo
For all I care
He could be hidin' at Yoda's dojo

Gotta make the money
Credit's no good
When the jawas runin' shop
In your neighborhood

Think you can cook
I got a grappling hook
Let's make this quick
'Cause I'm really booked

I'm a devious degenerate
Defender of the devil
Shut down all the trash compactors
On the detention level

chorus
My backpack's got jets
Well I'm Boba the Fett
Well I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt
To finance my 'Vette

wicky wicky woo

Well I chill in deep space
A mask is over my face
Well I deliver the prize
But I still narrow my eyes
'Cause my time
I don't like to waste.

Get down

I'm a question
Wrapped inside an enigma
Get inside the slave one
Find your homing signal

From Endor to Hoth
Ripley to Spock
I'll find what you want
But there's gonna be a cost

See, my name is Boba Fett
I know my shit is tight
Start not actin'right
You're frozen in carbonite

Got telescopic sight
Flame throwers on my wrist
You still don't get the gist
Spiked boots are made to kick

Targets are made to hit
You think I give a shit
Yo mama is a bitch
I see you in the Sarlaac Pit

You just flipped my switch
Integrity been dissed
You scratchin' on my itch
You know I shoot to get

Got bambinas at cantinas
Waitin' to lick my lusty lips
So I'll let you get back inside
Your little space ship

Give you a head start
'Cause I'm the sportin' kind
Consider the starting line
The sneaky smile I hide inside

Hope you have hyper drive (drive)
pray to stay alive ('live)
Don't try to slip me a five
'Cause I never take a bribe

To the beat of a different drummer
Bad ass bounty hunter
Let no man put asunder
Or else they be put under

As in six feet
Got an imperial fleet
Backin' me up, gonna blow up
Any attempt to defeat

They gotta death star
Got four payments on my car
Hand it over to hammer head
At Mos Eisley bar

He used to carjack
Now he's a barback
Just goes to show how you can
Get back on the right track

As for me that's not an option
Can't say that with more clarity
Me going legit would be like
Jar Jar on speech therapy

Chorus
My backpack's got jets
Well I'm Boba the Fett
Well I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt
To finance my 'Vette

wicky wicky woo

Well I chill in deep space
A mask is over my face
Well I deliver the prize
But I still narrow my eyes
'Cause my time
I don't like to waste.

Get down

Slice you open like a Taun Taun
Faster than the Autobahn
Or a motorbike in Tron
Do the deed and then I'm gone

Jaba has a hissyfit
Contact Calrissian
Over a colt, the plan unfolds
No politic is legit

Back in the day
When I was a slave
Living life in the fast lane
Like in a pod race

My mean streak tweaked
I became a basket case
So this space ace
Split that place, poste haste

Took up a noble cause
Called the Clone Wars
'Cause life's not all about
Girls and cars

Getting fucked up
In fucked up bars
See, I'm not a retard
Or gay like de Barge

I'm large and in charge
With a face so scarred
A cold black heart
That's been torn apart

The Sith wish that they
Had a dick so hard
'Cause it's long long ago
In a pussy far far

Call me master, 'cause I'm faster
Than Pryor on fire
I no longer have to hot wire

I'm a hunter for hire
With no plans to retire
And all the sucka MCs
Can call me sire

Chorus
My backpack's got jets! (jets jets jets)

Well I'm Boba the Fett! (the Fett the Fett)

Well I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt, (Jabba Hutt Jabba Hutt Jabba Hutt)

...To finance my 'Vette (my 'Vette my 'Vette my 'Vette my 'Vette)

Lazy Sunday, wake up in the late afternoon.
Call Parnell just to see how he’s doin’.
Hello?
What up, Parns?
Yo Samberg, what’s crackin’?
You thinking what I’m thinkin?
NARNIA.
Man, it’s happenin’.
But first my hunger pains are stickin’ like duct tape.
Let’s hit up Magnolia and mack on some cupcakes.
No doubt that bakery’s got all da bomb frostins.
I love those cupcakes like McAdams loves Gosling.
Two, no six, no twelve, BAKERS DOZEN.
I told you that I’m crazy for these cupcakes, cousin.
Yo, where’s the movie playin’?
Upper west side, dude.
Well, let’s hit up Yahoo Maps to find the dopest route.
I prefer Map Quest.
That’s a good one, too.
Google Maps is the best.
True that.
DOUBLE TRUE.
68th and Broadway.
Step on it, sucka.
What you wanna do, Chris?
SNACK ATTACK, MOTHERF***
It’s the Chronic (what?)
Cles of Narnia
Yes, the Chronic (what?)
Cles of Narnia
We love that Chronic (what?)
Cles of Narnia
Pass that Chronic (what?)
Cles of Narnia
Yo, stop at the deli.
The theater’s over-priced.
You’ve got the backpack?
Gonna pack it up nice.
Don’t want security to get suspicious.
Mr. Pibb and Red Vines equals CRAZY DELICIOUS!
I’ll reach in my pocket, pull out some dough.
Girl actin’ like she never seen a $10 before.
It’s all about the Hamiltons, baby.
Throw the snacks in a bag and I’m ghost like Swayze.
Roll up to the theater.
Ticket buying, what we’re handlin’.
You can call us Aaron Burr.
From the way we’re droppin’ Hamiltons.
Now parked in our seats.
Movie trivias the illest.
Which Friends alum starred in films with Bruce Willis?
We answered so fast it was scary scary.
Everyone stared in awe when we screamed Matthew Perry.
Now quiet in the theater or it’s gonna get tragic.
We’re bout to get taken to a dream world of magic with…
the Chronic (what?)
Cles of Narnia
Yes, the Chronic (what?)
Cles of Narnia
We love that Chronic (what?)
Cles of Narnia
Pass that Chronic (what?)
Cles of Narnia

Come and listen to a story about a sift named *beg
A poor little clip, barely has any legs,
Then one day a couple people stopped to click,
And that stopped shuac from actin like a prick.

Yee Haw!

[James Nichols from Bowling for Columbine]
Them people, law enforcement, if you want to call them that
were here and they were shaking in their shoes. They were physically
shaking, scared to death. Because certain people, said I'm a radical
I'm a wild man, I got a gun under every arm, if you say anything
I'll shoot you. If the people find out how they've been
ripped off, and enslaved, they will revolt with the blood
running in the streets.

Yo, Ticket to ride, the white crime, highway
Bring all the guns, the funds will come my way
Whether we deliverin' high grade
To the people in the pit of the tri-state
Or dabble in the hood like fly weights
Lock and load in the range with rock the globe
Made any aim possible
Til the leadbelly lost control
In the hold of the paper that fold
At one time was related to gold
Made many men lose their soul
To the price of the dice that roll
How can a light so bright make a man so cold?
So another man's plans unfold
Can you really see the truth til it happens to you
Its so severe what the hopeless will do

Ain't no pickin' your position to beginning your life
Not every man want to stand by his kids and his wife
Too many lost kids in the night
Hand on heat, grippin' it tight
Any man want beef could get it right
Followed by enough flame to put a permanent end
To the learning of men
Class session, too many the blast the last lesson
Often taught like the wars that are often fought
As old as mankind
Now outta his damn mind
Stand on the gunpowder landmine
Ready to blow at any second
I'm checking for the signs of the end
Of all-time, I figure its on time, my last thoughts forming the rhyme

Got me running through the streets
That reek of the dead, its more food to the wealthy
My niggaz on welfare, nobody givin' up healthcare
Nothing but heat, how you gonna tell me it ain't hell here?
George Bush having a swell year
Swingin' the gat, ready to clap, anything on the map
You done seen what they bring to Iraq
Now bring it back to the source, land of the physical force
Land of the gun, land of the gun, land of the gun, land of the gun!

This is the place where the cops rush in the building
Paramilitary death squads murder your children
Empty shell of a man rippin' shots in the air
Soldiers dying out there, but nobody cares
Prepare for the future but make note of the past
Or be condemned to live it again and get blast
Class warfare kept outta the news
Replaced by a corporation's political views
Cause this is where the guns are manufactured and sold
The land that was stolen stripped of all of its gold
Old timers on the death bed speakin' the wisdom
Immigrants crucified by conservative Christians
Now we all got freedom to die in the street
But the difference is more of us die in a week
Than they die in a year I made it clear
Where I stand when the line is drawn
But now the line is gone
And nigga anything goes
The land where the guns don't let anything grow
And what the fuck you niggaz know about living in hell
You not built like me you never lived in a cell
You never gambled with your soul
Fuck the ice on your hand, gun in your palm
But you got a niggaz life in your hand
Young man, just remember that slicing a gram
Is a bloody game, like throwin' mice in a fan
My words flow like the rivers thats west of Iran
The fertile crescent moon, with the star in the middle
I reveal the depth of history's scars when I scribble
I gave you the world, and I ain't even charged you a little
The martyr is crippled
The prophets are dead and buried, but the message is simple
And its not written down in holy books as a riddle

Now we running through the streets, starvin'
On that guerilla warfare
My people stuck in a guerilla warfare
Innocent children screamin' in tears
You actin' like the army ain't put hell here
Military industry havin' a swell year
Swinging a gat while lying in heaven
Living off a blank check after 9/11
But I'm have the truth brought back to the source
Fight for my land with physical force
Speak through music, the subliminal course
I need a tech and a clip, fuck a Jag and a Porsche
Land of the gun, land of the gun, land of the gun, land of the gun