Mate, if those two got any closer together, that LIGO would be detecting the birth of a new black hole somewhere in the Sol system.

I used to love Church: a dinner of Taco Bell burritos, a wooden pew, and the word of Christ. Clench, lean 15 degrees to the left, relax your sphincter and PUSH! The silence that is golden will last about 10 seconds before the retching and piling out the doors brings an end to today's sermon. That's when you snatch the collection plate and bolt out the back door.

I lost a major source of income when I became an atheist.

Did you know Taco Bell delivers? At least in Seattle they do. I have to wonder what life choices lead to the terminus of hauling two dollar food between source and the customer 25 miles away. Yeah, that $5 tip will more than pay for gas, upkeep, insurance and oil changes on that riced-out K car you've been driving since The Pet Shop Boys were still popular.

Also, "...blahblah whining and such..." -- look, if I want unfair criticism of a job well-done, I'll ask my clients to pay up. That's primo Gonzo humor you're tut-tutting and you paid exactly nothing to enjoy it. Y'know who else was a cheap ingrate? HITLER! Why ya gotta by like Hitler, Moonsammy -- IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME. I have my doubts on this topic, by the way.

Hey, what's Bob up to? I always enjoy a cheap laugh at the expense of the less fortunate.

(seriously dude -- I can hold 1:1 with a Clydesdale for an hour and have enough left in the tank to draw a standing ovation at Centurylink Field.)

I don't remember my Representative's name, when my next oil change is due, or how many cousins I have...

... but I sang along to the whole damn song.

If you need to ask how much the oil change is, you can't afford it.

Your video, Bugatti Veyron DIY oil change = $21,000, has made it into the Top 15 New Videos listing. Congratulations on your achievement. For your contribution you have been awarded 1 Power Point.

Clearly fake. Everyone knows that geese are universally mean-spirited creatures whose primary interaction with other animals only include hissing and pinching with their beaks.


Seriously though, when I was a very young child my family had a couple of geese that were raised from little goslings. Those suckers would go after pretty much every other living thing that got anywhere near their pond. They'd chase and pinch our dogs, before the dogs learned to stay away from the pond.

They also once guzzled down a huge amount of old motor oil that got left out after an oil change. We figured they were goners, but I guess they just had extra-oily shit for a while, they never showed any ill effects from it.

I'm a laptop serial killer...

*gazes over stacks of dead laptops and random computer parts*

Sometimes I masturbate all over these carcasses. I mean, no. I don't. Ever.

Do that...

If only I had been born with the simple desire to learn electronics...

-- Instead, I was born a luddite into an era of technocracy that my feeble, easily offended, confused and aggressive mind cannot comprehend.

Now I am destined to commit predatory electronic abuse on a daily abuse.

*punches monitor, tears it from the computer, screams into the night and throws it crushed and dying into the heap*

ELECTRONICS!!! AGHHHHH..! The pure and total ANGUISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*runs screaming out of the house, operates overheating vehicle 100,000 miles over the recommended oil change sticker reminder to the nearest best buy; purchases something using money like its arcade credits; drives home and plugs the heathen VGI cable into its oozing port*

Please... kill me.

Are you losing laps to your competitors?
Are you paying your "15 minute" oil change place proportionate amount of money that those guys are getting paid for their 1.92second service?

You want a five minute oil change?! I can get you a five minute oil change!

I know people!

...this is why I get pissed at waiting for upwards of an hour at my neighbourhood "15 minute" oil change place.

Your video, Oil Change Scam - Canada, has made it into the Top 15 New Videos listing. Congratulations on your achievement. For your contribution you have been awarded 1 Power Point.

This achievement has earned you your "Pop Star" Level 30 Badge!

Having worked at Walmart doing oil changes, and another tire/lube place, I wouldn't say it's super easy to do on your own, especially with newer cars. Most newer cars have a a large skid plate that is a pain in the ass to remove. Ford makes their especially difficult as the skid plate is full, so if you are working in a pit, it's very hard to get to all the screws (usually Torx bits)... Many others are using skid plates under the car too, though many have access panels to the drain plug area and the oil filter area (oddly enough one of them, I think it was Mazda, had an access panel for the oil filter, but it was flipped as if installed backwards, but then the drain plug panel wouldn't be correct, so very odd design for awhile)... Sadly most of them seem to be moving to full skid plates as well. My favorites were the GM Ecotech type, where it has a canister filter near the top, drain the oil, open the canister (tool is cheap enough too), close the drain, replace the filter, tighten everything up and add 5 qts (though one of them took a slightly different amount).

That said, if you don't mind crawling under the car on a ramp, it isn't overly difficult. It is a very simple process.

I've learned from working those places. Ford's full skid plates suck, and sadly they seem to be joined by others. (Skid plate is apparently required for proper cooling, and I'd guess it also helps improve gas millage). Chrysler tends to strip, both the pan and the nut... Chrysler also has a long standing problem with lug and lug nuts.... GMs are okay for that sort of stuff (oil, tires, etc)... I didn't like doing tires on European cars as they use that odd lug stud instead of a lug/nut combo, which makes for a pain in the ass to remove and put the wheel back on the car (I can't imagine having to do that in the rain or snow on the side of the road, lug/nut combos makes so much more sense). Toyota can be a pain in the ass as they are moving to a thing that requires a very special custom cup to remove the filter housing...

EDIT to add: I also didn't know anything when I first started at Walmart... the advantage there over the other place was no upselling other services. Now if a car required Synthetic (newer GMs a few Toyotas mostly) then we would have to sell that oil change rather than the cheaper one for liability reasons, but we didn't check all the other stuff and didn't care... now if we say something dangerous we'd let the owner know, but otherwise... Now the other place we did check the other fluids and the managers would try to upsell services.

I always feel sorry for people who don't understand just how ridiculously easy it is to do an oil change by yourself in your garage or even your driveway.

The newer the car is, the easier it is to do. Dealerships demand it to increase profit margins.

Oil changes are stupid easy.

I wouldn't say that. I think it's just the absence of witnessing that particular usage, which I wouldn't relate to your age.

I don't tend to see anyone fist-bumping anyone in real life.

Funny story (that my wife and I often chuckle about): I was fist-bumped exactly once that I can remember, but it's the why that's so funny. Employee at an oil change shop was talking to me and asked about my kids. I told him I have two boys. He then told me he had two boys. Then he, with all of his Hispanic machismo glory, nodded with a knowing grin and said these exact words: "That's right. Real men know how to make boys." Then he reached his fist out to me and as I guffawed with laughter inside and was perplexed by his infant-like nonsensical logic hesitantly reached up to allow the fist-bump to happen so as not to leave him hanging.

Now every time we discuss the fact that we have two boys either I or my wife will say with a straight face "That's right. Real men know how to make boys." and we'll give one another a deadpan fist-bump before we simultaneously bust up with laughter.

Must. Drop. Something. In. to. Volcano. For Science!

Hmmm I have 98 Honda Civic hx. Held together with duct tape and whatever year the last oil change was done.
Original clutch. It just started slipping for the first time....

I can't afford to fix it. so, LET throw it in. For SCIENCE!
Wonder if I can get a kickstarter going to fund this....

In reply to this comment by antonye:
*quality


Although Siftbot turned you down, the gesture is appreciated. Thanks anyway