Thanks to everyone who participated in this fine roast. I’d like to take a moment to thank gwiz665 for his undeniably unsubstantial role as masters of ceremonies. His highest ranked comment: *sticky. I’ve seen more participation from an armless lifeguard. I guess he’s too busy stalking alien_concept. Fuck that creepy douche.

And I’d like to give thanks to burdturgler for getting drunk (or not taking his medication), leaving the majority of attention-whoring posts, and ultimately becoming disgruntled and embittered like the girl who couldn’t get a date to the prom but went any way so to not lose face. In the end, of course, she does lose face, and I think we can all see that to be evidenced here, as well. Burdturgler is a Xanax away from climbing to the top of a Texas University clock tower.

And to ReverendTed... Who?

And to Shepppard... No one likes you. The only thing I know about you is your depraved admiration for cops who taze little girls in the skull. Shepppard was that disturbed guy in high school who pretended to be allergic to soap and was expelled for being caught in class shoving unhatched bird eggs up his bung until they cracked and seeped back out. Looked like swollen cabbage vomiting urine.

And thanks, as always, to dotdude for facilitating these roasts and refusing to say anything unpleasant. Be a prick for once, you bastard! You’re so agreeable if berticus broke into your home and raped you, you’d offer to cuddle him afterwards. Speaking of berticus, has anyone else ever met a nastier more dangerous gay? I mean, if you speak more than two sentences with the guy, he always brings it back to fucking you. Berticus is to the gay community what Ted Bundy is to the straight community.

And, did everyone notice what alien_concept did with my name? Isn’t that precious? I was expecting her to knit me a sweater or something girly, but instead she made an acronym of my name. I mean, yeah, she could’ve been original, but we can’t be too tough on her. She does, after all, have a vagina. We should be proud that she has learned how to use a computer instead of covering it with glitter and trying to bake pies inside it. A bit of future advice for you broads: less talkie, more suckie.

And deputydog... I think we’re all tired of your douchebag self-portrait avatar. We get it, you think you’re sexy and you want everyone to see you. I think you may be trying too hard. Everyone knows berticus doesn’t care what you look like; he’d fuck anything with an asshole.

And rasch187, so glad you could manage some extra time to show up outside of your candlelight vigils for the countless choggie sockpuppet accounts I’ve instabanned throughout the year. Let me lighten the mood with a joke... Hey, what do they call smart people in Norway? Swedish tourists.

And xxovercastxx, it’s obvious the concept of a comic book grading system is lost on you, much like the concept of turning down your volume when a video is too loud. And, don’t pretend you’re above the puerility of a good roast, you big silly narcissist; let’s not forget the time when you roasted yourself (http://cult.videosift.com/talk/Let-me-have-it).

Hey rottenseed. Roasting. You’re doing it wrong. Take joedirt’s penis out of your mouth and come up with some snappier jokes. You made a list. A list? We’re not going to the grocery store; we’re having a roast. I am petitioning you to remain hobbled until you find your funny. Speaking of finding the funny, that goes for you, too, ponceleon, you unfunny bastard. You’re also boring and uninteresting. For example, ponceleon has contributed two worthless Talk Posts; one about Appletinis and the other about Hulu being blocked outside the US. Riveting. He is to a talk post what Nickelback is to Rock n’ Roll.

Am I the only person here who thinks JiggaJonson didn’t even try to be relevant, let alone funny? Something about me raping his mother and murdering his father? Way to bring the lulz, JJ. You’ve only just surpassed Ryjkyj who is not worth writing more than a sentence over. Done.

Look who showed up! Randomize! I have to admit I’m surprised to see you’re back after you made that pledge to leave the Sift for the VideoSift for Vampires. Did you grow tired of choking on your own masturbatory pretension?

And, thanks to the corn-husking Nebraskan MrFisk who, most people don’t know, has lived through a broken spine. Damn shame. That. You. Lived. If only we banned your quadriplegic ass the first time. It’s good to also see your sockpuppet account, thinker247, is here to take time off from his usual hobbling or Siftquisition. Damn, you’re so vile even your sockpuppet is in danger of being banned.

Sagemind wrote me a poem. Ass. Please read my above comment to rottenseed about roasting and doing it wrong. This also goes for you imstellar28. Why do all Objectivists seem to miss the point of every fucking thing? And vairetube, or as I like to refer to you: westy-lite. Your spelling is better than his, but... yeah... what the fuck, dude? Did you roast me or was that a stream of conscious letter to Santa Claus asking him for shellfish?

[edit] And Crosswords, I totally skipped you. You're probably used to that, though, being that you're so unremarkable in every way. Hell, I tried to find something interesting on you, but could only find this. So, fuck you for being too boring to make fun of.

Anyhow, thanks to all of you who showed up and gave it your best shot. At least you tried. Fucking douches.

Ha. Funny. Thanks.
In reply to this comment by burdturgler:
lol It's from a Miller Lite commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXdqg0vU5-0


In reply to this comment by chilaxe:
Ha. What movie is that from?

lol It's from a Miller Lite commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXdqg0vU5-0


In reply to this comment by chilaxe:
Ha. What movie is that from?

In reply to this comment by burdturgler:

I'm gonna drill a hollow core into an iceberg, fill it with thermite and lite the fuse

I felt bad for it only having one vote, so I voted for it. But it really is a little um.."lite", yas? Nice title though

My DS lite had this problem out of warranty! But in Japan they refurbed it and sent it back FOR free in about a week. Their image there is so important to them. My mum had the same problem, 10 days out of warranty in Australia. The repair cost was the better part of buying a replacement.

I think the lesson here is that westerners do not place a high enough importance on reputation and build quality, so we get shat on (hugs xbox).

http://lyricwiki.org/Bon_Iver:Skinny_Love

Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt, we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in this moment this order's tall

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind

In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different kind
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love what happened here
We suckled on the hope in lite brassieres
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full, so slow on the split

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind

And now all your love is wasted
And then who the hell was I?
I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?
Ooh, ooh

I use SqueezBacon Lite™, but I'm on a diet.

>> ^quantumushroom:
Colbert is a moron paid to read others' words. You do know he's not a real newscaster? (Then again, neither are most newsliberals).

Who said anything about him being a newscaster? Nor do I know whether he actually wrote that, but he said it at the White House correspondents dinner while roasting Bush. But none of that actually matters, what matters is the meaning of the words themselves. Your Fox-induced delusions about "communism lite" and the term "liberal bias" are picture-perfect examples of you missing the point of colbert's(or whoever wrote it) quote entirely.

Anybody stupid and ignorant enough to call Obama (or ANY American liberal) "communist"(or "communism lite") really needs a long, hard reality-check, you might want to look up words like, uhm, you know, "communism", "america" and "liberal" before EVER opening your mouth again about any of these subjects. While you are at it, why not try looking up things like "socialism" "social capitalism" and "social democracy" just to mention a few political directions that belong outside both the Texas Desert or the Siberian Tundra.

Perhaps liberalism can't compete in the marketplace of ideas.

Perhaps. Unfortunately that doesnt mean it's competitors are RIGHT, it just means they have convinced more people, or more powerful people, or richer people. If you want proof of this, then look no further to where real, actual communism has out-competed every other idea on the market.

QM How do you get that tiny font when you leave comments? Mine is always too large for my tastes.

Who knows? The small-minded are afraid of big words?

For the record, I don't support intelligent design, but that wasn't my point, was it? When the government controls what your children learn, you and your values are effectively out of the loop and ignored. Those bureaucrats can make up whatever shit they like about any subject and there's nothing you can do about it. You should try getting a hold of your local schools' curriculum. I bet you won't be allowed access to it.

I think Stephen Colbert put it best: Reality has a well-known liberal bias.

Colbert is a moron paid to read others' words. You do know he's not a real newscaster? (Then again, neither are most newsliberals).

If reality has a liberal bias, then why does an equality of outcomes (not opportunity) and political correctness have to be pushed so hard by government indoctrination centers, kollijes, the mainstream media and Hollywood? Why do those many, many OTHER points of view have to be mocked and silenced by groupthink liberals?

Perhaps liberalism can't compete in the marketplace of ideas. Like hard communism, modern liberalism's Communism Lite is a glurge of wonderful theories spoiled by reality.

^ I think you like to state opinions as fact too often. You often claim that today's Democratic party is the same one that filibustered the Civil Rights Act, and that neoconservatives were liberals, and that somehow these things have relevance to the party of Obama.

Fine, if today's Democrats have to bear the stains of their history, despite transformations along the way, then I get to claim (as the Democratic party itself does) that Jefferson was our founder.

After all, the Democratic party is what survives of the Democratic-Republican party. It's not my fault John Quincy Adams and Andrew Jackson had a pissing contest that makes Hillary vs. Obama look like a friendly game of squash and split the party into competing factions. John Q. Adams formed the "Nobama" party of his day, Jackson figured it's okay to drop the word "Republican" from the name, since that No-Jackson-bama party called itself "National Republicans", and he didn't need a filthy word like "Republican" in the name of his party anymore.

So it split, and transformed, but it did that again in 1968 and again in lesser ways in the leadup to Clinton's election (the DLC Republican-lite era), and again after Kerry's loss (the Howard Dean 50-state era).

It's still the good old party Jefferson started, though. Jackson didn't invent the Democratic party out of thin air, he just pissed off a bunch of proto-PUMA's who ran off and made corrupt bargains to win the Presidency, who eventually formed the Whig party (which was the real, lasting No-Jackson-bama party).

Boy - the left wing of the political class sure does think that everyone is incredibly stupid.

Bush had about - and I'm being generous - two days of VERY begrudged relative silence from the Democrat party after 9/11. During the election Bush was assailed relentlessly as a moron/drunk/fratboy. Immediately after the election he was relentlessly assailed as illegitimate because of FloriDUH. The opposition from the Democrat side immediately after his election was staunch, persistent, and rather personal. There were contant calls for his failure, and for knee-jerk resistance and rejection to any and all of his policies. "Tax cuts for the rich" anyone? I - unlike too many people here it would seem - have not forgotten that in 2001 it was the DEMOCRAT party that was the "Party of NO!"

Then 9/11 hit, and for about two days the Democrat party had a reluctant, bitter, and resentful cease-fire. But even then they were clearly chomping at the bit to lite into Bush, and they couldn't help themselves entirely. Even in those dark days there were Democrats and left-wing media pundits saying it was all a Bush conspiracy. And there were constant jibes at Bush for his 'handling'. Whining about him reading to the kids... Insinuations that he was a coward for staying on his airplane... It went on, and I (unlike some of YOU) have not forgotten it.

Then Bush started moving at Iraq and the party of "NO!" came back 100-fold. And since that day the Democrat party resisted everything Bush did, called for his failure, worked to aid and abet our enemies, and generally did everything they could possibly do to cause Bush problems and ensure that Bush 'failed' in the polls.

I - unlike some of YOU - have not forgotten that 99.93151% of the Bush administration's term was 100% pure partisan contrariness. I haven't forgotten that the left wing hoped for, prayed for, called for, and (most importantly) WORKED for Bush failure. It is pure sophistry for some of you to imply that Democrats somehow were hoping Bush succeeded as they were actively torpedoing his administration, and calling it a complete failure every day in the news.

Now - here's the point... I - unlike YOU - am not a hypocrite. I don't have a problem with people wanting Bush to fail. I was no fan of Bush, and I WANTED many of his policied to fail completely. His big spending agendas... He toss-away liberal policies... His terrible management and domestic agenda... His pointless persistence in Iraq... I WANTED them to fail, and I wanted them to END because they were BAD POLICY. There is nothing wrong with wanting a stupid man's BAD policies to fail because they are bad for the country.

And you know what? Obama's plan to socialize America, tax productivity, cap & trade energy, and otherwise turn America into "Euroloserland" is also BAD POLICTY. I want all of Obama's BAD POLICY to fail and fail hardcore. And I will do what I can to aid and assist in the resistance to Obama's bad policies. I will march against Obama like some of you marched against Bush and for the exact same reasons... Because he's a terrible president who is enacting idiotic policies that will cause incredible damage to this great nation for years to come.

You see - I'm not a slave (like some of YOU) to a 'party'. Those of you that mindlessly hew to party politics must dance to the tune of your pied piper. You don't mind selling out your honesty, fairness, and common sense because you have whored them out in the name of partisan fanboism. I - as an intelligent principled person who stands on pure philosophy am not shackled by such limitations. And so for me there is nothing inconsistent in my PRINCIPLE BASED resistance to both Bush's and Obama's bad policies. You - sadly - are party slaves who have no choice but to surrender your integreity when your messiah snaps his fingers. I pity you. But fret not. Those of us with a stiffer spine and more courage will fight the good fight with our without you...

What a treat to hear Clarke and Corea play something besides elctro-lite Jazz.

^I'd vote for quantumushroom, but everyone knows that it's actually his Lite Brite who'd be pulling all the strings and handing out no-bid contracts to all his Lite Brite cronies. Luck Fite Brite!

All those choices were either commies or libertarians in complete denial of the dangerous world out there. I could do a better job than all of them combined, with a Lite Brite that reads YOU ROCK! as my VP.