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How Darwin Can Save Your Marriage

submitted by Janine V.

(Lilithia)
1 decade 2 years 2 months 1 week ago

YouTube Description:
Christopher Ryan argues that we are hardwired to crave novelty, which leads to infidelity in marriages. Ryan says the way that culture responds to this "natural behavior" causes more problems than it solves. In other words, sex isn't such a big deal, so why do we let it get in the way of all the other important things? The point of marriage is to grow old with someone and develop a sense of trust. Therefore, Ryan argues we need to take a "harm reduction approach" over an "absolutist approach." That means that marriage needs to adapt to the realities of human nature.

5 Comments

As a marriage and family therapist, though his hypothesis is interesting, I couldn't disagree more.

We don't emote with the knowledge of our biology. The knowledge of what we have evolved from does not enter in to our minds when we are lusting over someone. Our biological understanding of our species doesn't sit in the forefront of our minds when we are choosing to commit to a person.

We react to infidelity as an emotional thing as a hit to our feelings of stability. Stability is a crucial part of our evolution. It helps stabilize the home front, ensuring that our offspring will have a better chance at survival and will learn the things we want them to learn. Sexual bonds with others is a symbolic way that we emotionally process as a threat to that very need of stability.

He is greatly underestimating the emotional bond that is created (I believe biologically) when we have sex with each other. Saying that "sex isn't a big deal" is his flawed assumption.

If you feel trapped in a relationship, I suggest that perhaps marriage isn't the thing for you.

Moving this video to Lilithia's personal queue. It failed to receive enough votes to get sifted up to the front page within 2 days.

*beg

Sending this video to Beggar's Canyon to plea for a little attention - beg requested by original submitter Lilithia.

Infidelity isn't a big deal to swingers, but I doubt swingers would agree sex is "no big deal" as they define themselves by it.

This guy think he's cutting edge--labeling morality as "absolutist"--when it's all been tried and done before. Arranged marriage actually has a better track record than the newer kind.

Where society is failing is rewarding irresponsible behavior.

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