Gullible sifters! I could be the joseph fritzl of brazil and you´d be all gooey, "he is so nice."
I´d spit in your roast, but it would likely be enough to put off the roasting fire and you´d never figure out how to make the "magic heat that bites" again. Morons.

Now, mano a mano:

Laura, the BBQ Wolverine image you´ve posted is so bizarre it makes me want to roast myself. Better, to self-immolate. twice.

Thinker247, yeah two favorite memories. In your face, you who can only think of peggedbeas´s dry vagina, Dags waxworks and child molesting. No, that´s three memories. you win.

Blankfist you are a fake. We know you are the picture model for the goatsee and as such you never grunt when taking a dump. or even notice it.

Rougy, we may clean motels now, but we also invented them motels. We did. And your mother was there.

Inflatablevagina, you are so cute trying to be mean, I´ll help you out. Worse than pompous, both of my cats names are bad puns. (Meaow-Tse and the "Laconic" one who would only say "mee" instead of "meaow").So please execrate me as puns are humour´s low-life white trash cousins.

Ornothron, wow, now THERE is some research and effort! Congrats on the trainee who did your job. Having my fraudulent narcisistic ways exposed by a mechanical bird´s apprentice is the moon landing to my neil armstrong. And yes, it is excruciating reading through you people´s comments in order to find even one worth mentioning.

Gwiz, because you like futurama, I won´t mention your excessive concern about my body hair.

Therealblankman, except for choggie all roastees were chosen by god. So if you pray hard maybe He will listen to your high pitched whining.

Haldaug, yes, I masturbate to furry porn. but cmon, you and your wife are so hot!

Peggedbea, those were your titties covered in shit? No wonder it all seemed so normal I didn´t know the roast had even started.

kulpims, you can be the mother of my next daughter.

Choggie, when I said gullible sifters I meant you. Also you should know that when you scream fuck you we hear "good morning"

Don Juan, jump off the bridge, dont jump off the bridge, you guys please make up your mind already so i can mindlessly follow, wtf.

Dotdude, the only place I´d fear a candiru is inside my urethra, whereas spiders are scary everywhere. Also the Amazon River is closer geographically to your new orleans house than mine in sao paulo.

Rottenseed, after I wipe my tears I´ll tell you that at least (or even) blankfist know we speak portuguese, not spanish. And if I was fritzl dressed as santa you´d sit on my lap.

MrFisk, or should I say "imelda marcos", I may lure young single moms to my moms basement but you are the guy who marries them afterwards.

Lann, it was great that you put my two best memories together, thanks. Now someone explain to this "person" what is a roast.

So that is it.
Thanks for the roast, morons!

Now, Laura, you promissed I´d be tied up and filled with herbs.
never fail me again, ok?

and "Mr jester", these pitiful crowdlings dont have enough venom, so please make your dice choose easier prey for the next roast, such as Hitler
(Godwin´s law does not aplly here)

So much for a warm and fuzzy roast. OK, we still have fuzzy.

If NeuralNoise’s friends think he looks like Woolverine, perhaps they think his brother looks like Chewy.

NeuralNoise seem to be quite friendly with future son-in-law, siftbot. ‘Guess putting some coins in ole sifty would make a good shaker while practicing the samba dance.

Since he did bring up the subject of amputees, it makes one wonder if making them amputees is part of the fetish? The Wolverine claw bit provokes my question.

Two of his five listed cherished possessions are hair and limbs. I would have thought some other body possessions would come before hair. Some aging guys around here might be a tad jealous of his coif.

Finally we have a roastee who actually lives in a country that includes the Amazon River, yet his list of fears does not include the Candiru. (See Roasts IX and X)

"Although lurid anecdotes of attacks of humans abound, there is only one documented case of a candiru attack on a human." [according to wikipedia]

OK, so now we’ve had the “Crying Game.” No OF, we don’t need to see THAT.

Wow, look at all that love displayed here. It just makes you want to choke like when I read the description of your last meal request - all stirred together?!? So, I suppose you’re from the school of thought that believes “it all goes to the same place.” Well I guess it comes down to what you’re used to . . . so did you grow up on casseroles or dumpster diving? At least you know not to mix your poisons. Although I’d have to wonder what a milk- Mountain Dew -Jack Daniels combo would taste like? On second thought, nanh.

Actually, OF, with some of the things said around here, you might want to worry about the passes made at you. Who knows what’s at the other end of your sticky keyboard. Some of them might even think their SiftBot’s gift to the Internet.

Now about that super power you requested, “invisibility” . . . . I believe some sifters may have already granted you that ability. And if they haven’t already, you might just ask them. Wow, you could speak freely. That might get kind of lonely, though, just you and SiftBot talking. Oh wait, you got your girl, too. Y’all could be the three amigos.

Your list of prized possessions should make moving fairly easy. Of course four of them require constant replacing. By now you’ve smoked them already. Let us know when you’re back from the Kwicky Mart.

VideoSift is self-entertainment, eh? I guess your self-entertainment needs to be plugged in – oh wait . . . . Moving on to things you are afraid of . . . wow, you would have to go out of your way to find scorpions or candiru. Since you brought up the candiru and concern for your wiener, didn’t you read your article that you’d have to be urinating in the Amazon River. But then the article argues why that wouldn’t really work either – urine stream velocity and problem of pure urine, or so it says. OK, I don’t want to keep beating this joke and all. No, I wasn’t talking about your . . . nevermind . . .

I’ll leave the donkey in the bathtub alone. It’s just a donkey . . .

OK, I’m still scanning your hodgepodge of information . . . so much to play with, so little time. I have to leave something for the others to mess with.

Next . . .