Libertarian Reluctantly Calls Fire Department (Onion)
CHEYENNE, WY—After attempting to contain a living-room blaze started by a cigarette, card-carrying Libertarian Trent Jacobs reluctantly called the Cheyenne Fire Department Monday. "Although the community would do better to rely on an efficient, free-market fire-fighting service, the fact is that expensive, unnecessary public fire departments do exist," Jacobs said. "Also, my house was burning down." Jacobs did not offer to pay firefighters for their service.
11 Comments
I saw this today. Funny.
Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)
What does a real-life Libertarian have to say about common good items like fire trucks, libraries and roads?
Who ever uses roads anyway? "Information super highway", man!
>> ^dag:
What does a real-life Libertarian have to say about common good items like fire trucks, libraries and roads?
I'm glad you asked, dag. Libertarians believe in communities self-governing, so we believe in a community building libraries and setting up a fire department. I'm not sure what the prevailing popular Libertarian idea is on roads, but I personally think taxing the use of them is fine in order to pay for them. A good tax is the user fee on gasoline. The more you use, the more you pay, and the more that is supposed to go to paying for the roads' upkeep.
Let's get back to fire departments. There's a fear of privatizing the fire department, because some are afraid the fire department would show up and try to extort money out of you for service while your house burned down. Or, they'd swipe your credit card and wait for payment to clear before spraying your house down. I think ambulatory services is a great example of privatizing community services. Most ambulances are privately run in most communities these days, and they work on contracts. When's the last time a paramedic swiped your credit card or haggled a price before driving anyone to the hospital?
If a paramedic argued about the price of defibrillation with a dying man, then he would most certainly be in breach of his contract with the community, and he wouldn't be in business any longer. The Libertarian free-market principles thrive on reputation in business. If you breach a contract, most likely you won't remain in business for very long.
So, a fire department would most likely work out a contract with the community, and it would be up to the community to determine terms. A number of options come to mind, and most likely the community would agree to chip in to pay for the service, kind of like a tax. Maybe a small fee a year? Who knows. Most of it may be volunteers from the community.
Sorry, blankfist, that just doesn't make any sense.
It's a really bad idea to inject the profit motive into commodities and services that the community needs as a whole.
It does not magically make things cheaper or more efficient.
If anything it opens the door to monopolization, price-fixing, and corruption.
^rougy, are the ambulances privately run where you live? How's that working out for everyone? Anyone monopolized on the local ambulance business? Are they price-fixing? How's the corruption being contained where you are? Hmmm.
[edit] I don't think I've ever heard you give your idea of how things should run. I've certainly heard you poo-poo on everything Libertarian, but I never hear your options. I will assume you think that government is the only group responsible and incorruptible enough to run things, and therefore everything should be run by this utopian well-intentioned collective human government. Is that right? Is that the best option? A large government that is magically incapable of corruption and somehow that large all-encompassing government isn't a monopoly? An incorruptible large government that has lots of guns and who creates the laws and enforces them and dictates how much you should pay them - but that's not price-fixing?
You're right, I make no sense.
I didn't say you don't make any sense, blankfist. You have your lucid moments.
But honestly, you're obviously a smart guy and I enjoy your comments, input, videos, and humor.
The ambulance situation in Roswell, just like the hospital and much of the medical care, reeks. I personally had a really bad and expensive experience at the emergency room, as did my mom, as did a friend of mine, as did one of my favorite bartenders, as have...probably...a majority of everybody misfortunate enough to seek their services.
It's not that I think the government is the answer to everything, but where important things have significant impacts on all of our lives, leaving those services in the care of profit seekers is just folly.
I'm not saying everything should be privatized and lord knows the...incentive that comes with privately owned businesses has countless benefits for us all.
Comment hidden because you are ignoring dag. (show it anyway)
It seems to me that the prevailing winds of privatisation have shifted. I don't think each community setting up a private fire department (how are they paid - by the home owner after the fact?) It sounds like a nightmare patchwork of different systems providing different levels of service around the country.
Got a big fire one county over and need more trucks? Good luck getting them to come, their radios aren't compatible and they use different size hoses.
Although I like Ron Paul - VideoSift has helped me to realize that I am not a a Libertarian. It seems to be the idea of "just leave me alone" . Fine if you are an individual, but humans work best in groups.
>> ^dag:
privatisation
It's privatization. Let's not forget where we come from, mister bourgeois Alaskan-European.
Allow me to beat this dead horse. How firefighters are paid is dictated by the community. It's self-governance. If you privatiZe the fire department, I doubt you'd see much change from the current system to be honest.
"Good luck getting them to come, their radios aren't compatible and they use different size hoses."
The radios not being compatible was also a problem during 9-11 when the firefighters couldn't communicate with the police. Those were government firefighters and government police. And, come on, different size hoses?? There are currently two types that everyone uses in the private and public sector. I don't get the whole "government will do it better than the people" mentality. If a community needs something, the community will make it happen.
Now, just leave me alone!
I think the fundamentalist Libertarians on the sift are just like the fundamentalist Liberals and Conservatives on the national scene... they give a bad name to the much larger portion of reasonable moderates within their ideology group.
I think dag's question about how firefighters are paid makes me wonder how privatized EMT's get paid for today.
I know if an EMT actually takes you to a hospital, you're charged for the service. But, no one asks for your credit card beforehand, or ascertains your ability to pay. I doubt this is a simple matter of business contract -- I bet it's forbidden by law. Furthermore, if it turns out the person cared for is completely unable to pay, what happens then? If I take politicians' word for it, the state winds up paying the bill.
I don't see any reason why firefighting couldn't work the same way (with a mix of government regulation and private service providers), but I think I'd rather go the other direction.
See, if your house catches on fire, the fire dept will put out the fire without charging you a direct fee of any kind. You pay tax money that funds them, but there's no added penalty-costs for having the fire dept put out the fire in your house. That leaves you without a temptation to do something irresponsibly selfish, like not call the fire department if you think your house is a total loss anyways. It also means the cost-risk gets spread amongst the entire community, instead of having to be shouldered entirely by those who have fires break out on their property.
I want health services to work the same way. The sick shouldn't have to worry about shouldering the costs alone, nor should they have a cost-incentive to avoid checkups, or worse still avoid treatment for illness or injury.
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