Cheese Addiction

Well, it's been two months since I promised a "how-to" cooking blog. I kind of lost track back then. I think the best way is to private message me with requests, and then sporadically, when the mood strikes, I'll try to answer them in cooking talk.

Two months ago, deputydog asked:
is there somewhere i can go for my mature cheddar cheese addiction?

This is a serious problem which affects us all. Cheese addiction affects over 50 percent of the population, ruining families, and destroying lives.

What are the symptoms of cheese addiction? There are many, but the foremost is a marked desire to consume large amounts of delicious, delicious cheese at every given opportunity. For deputydog it may just be mature cheddar, for countless others it may be Mozzarella Di Buffala, Limberger, Manchego, Castello di Roma, Parmigiano, Piave, Chevre, or Brie.

Other symptoms include
  • Uncontrollable salivation at the mere mention of gooey, luxurious melted raclette,
  • Urges to find and eat crispy toasted provolone
  • Lust for even just a picture of some aged emmental cheese with its wonderful holes.

  • Knowledge of all local Greek restaurants and which serve the best flamed Kefalograviera cheese (Street name: Saganaki)


  • While the problem is multifaceted, people should be aware of some of the so-called "gateway cheeses" like creme fraiche, cottage cheese (sometimes known by its street name 'curds'), or ricotta. "I'll just have a little, it goes well with some fresh apple slices" a young person might think. Before long, it's cream cheese and mascarpone, then exotics like cambozola or tallegio, and soon after they are spending their entire pay cheque on hard cheeses like Peccorino Romano or Grana Padano. It's a sad story that professionals such as myself see day after day.

    Other dangers include cheese burgers. These, seemingly innocent food items, can send a chronic cheese addict over the edge, into binge consumption. Especially dangerous are so called 'blue cheese' burgers, with their insidious use of seriously habit forming cheeses like stilton, roquefort or gorgonzola.

    Lasagna; Omlettes; Pizza; Salads; Sandwiches; Soups; Chicken; Pork; Vegetables like Rapini, Broccoli, Asparagus, Cauliflower; Mushrooms, the list of foods that a serious addict may consume with his habit is almost endless.

    For example, a sautee of fresh nova scotia fiddleheads in some olive oil chilies and garlic, then deglazed with a dry white wine and served with melted danish blue is pure ecstasy to the afflicted.

    Or a deep rich french onion soup with a garlic rubbed crostini of baguette with some grated gruyere toasted on the top can warm the soul of a poor cheese addict like almost nothing else.

    Or even the simple grilled cheese sandwich! With the addition of a few filets of anchovy, and use of a suitable cheese like Mozzarella di Bufala, this traditional 'gateway dish' becomes something more- a habit forming problem of its own.

    So in conclusion, there is no easy answer for a serious cheese addiction. While many programs exist, the mere sight of a tray of fresh fruit, sage darby, asiago, manchego and boschetto al tartufo will send even the hardest rehab graduate spiralling back into their love of all things cheesy.

    My recommendation is to embrace your addiction. Find people who enable you, and then find yourself the nearest cheese shop- and indulge!

    I think I'll have some smoked gouda myself! mmmmm!

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