Hey, guess what? Fuck you.

In reply to this comment by xxovercastxx:
Alternative titles:
- If gwiz was a dog.
- If blankfist was a chicken.
- If westy's mouth was a wooden crate.

I actually expected this to be a gwiz submission. He had a little rape-streak going a while back. With the videos, I mean.

>> ^handmethekeysyou:
When I read the title, I was wondering what it was going to be a metaphor for. Imagine my surprise when I clicked through.


You're new around here, aren't you?

Your video, Horny dog lures chicken into his lair for some rape, has made it into the Top 15 New Videos listing. Congratulations on your achievement. For your contribution you have been awarded 1 Power Point.

Bravo!

In reply to this comment by peggedbea:
sex with no content.
we need to discuss this.

>> ^GoodAttorney:
There was no love at all in that scene. Just sex. Banal, animal sex.

Just the way the good lord intended it.

>> ^ant:
What happened after that? Did the chicken escape?


Jesus Christ, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public!

^Students at Olathe Northwest attempt to pull CollegeHumor’s legendary Half Million Dollar Shot prank on beloved teacher Mr. Branstrom, successfully luring him onto the school’s basketball court (go Ravens!) with the promise of NCAA Final Four tickets in exchange for a half-court shot.

"It's society's fault he was driven to desperation!"
"It's entirely his responsibility for making this choice!"

Why does it have to be one or the other?
All criminals are human beings. They're people. People who, because of their circumstances, have made poor choices. This is a statement that acknowledges the impact of their situation and their personal culpability.

The criminal here may have been driven to desperate acts by his situation, or he might just be a sociopathic opportunist. We can't be certain.
He may have been lured by the promise of easy money after hearing how someone else had gotten away apparently scot-free. He might feel that a few hundred or thousand bucks is worth a lot to him, but is effectively nothing for the corporation behind the counter, and that no one's really going to be hurt by his actions.
He might have been just high enough to talk himself into it, or be talked into it by someone else.
His starving family, or his kid that needs a kidney transplant, or the eviction notice that's probably coming in a few days, or the drug habit he's feeding - none of these make it "OK" to decide to commit a crime, but they're factors.

We're often very quick to picture someone who has committed a crime as nothing more than the crime itself.
It's a message I think gets a bit muddled in Eastwood's Gran Torino. We're shown how Thao is driven by peer pressure to attempt to steal the titular vehicle; he's not a criminal, but a person who made a very poor decision. A person who could potentially be rehabilitated from his "life of crime." At the same time, the gang members throughout the movie are vilified in typical "nothing more than criminals" fashion.

If this pharmacist was in violation of corporate policy by having the pistol at work (and I highly doubt CVS policy allows employees to arm themselves), then he'll probably be fired, or at least reprimanded.
I imagine he was probably "fed up" and angry about "these criminals preying on us and getting away with it." Does that make what he did right? Personally, I don't think so.
Here in Texas, I'm allowed by law to shoot someone if they're stealing my property. I don't think property is worth killing over. I do, however, think it's reasonable to use deadly force if my life or the life of a loved one is in imminent danger, or to prevent or stop a sexual assault against a loved one.
Beyond asking if he was "right" to do it, we can also ask if it was a responsible act. Unless the pharmacist saw something that convinced him the robber was preparing to shoot someone, I definitely think it was irresponsible, even if he'd fired one carefully-aimed shot that dropped the robber. The vast majority of robberies are bloodless affairs and criminals know that employees are typically trained to comply with demands. Confrontation with a firearm could have escalated the situation in an unpredictable fashion.

I'm not sure what the law is in Georgia, but here in Texas one of the clauses for use of deadly force is that the "actor did not provoke the person against whom the force was used." This clause gives me pause because it seems like displaying a gun in the first place might be considered provocation.

Gullible sifters! I could be the joseph fritzl of brazil and you´d be all gooey, "he is so nice."
I´d spit in your roast, but it would likely be enough to put off the roasting fire and you´d never figure out how to make the "magic heat that bites" again. Morons.

Now, mano a mano:

Laura, the BBQ Wolverine image you´ve posted is so bizarre it makes me want to roast myself. Better, to self-immolate. twice.

Thinker247, yeah two favorite memories. In your face, you who can only think of peggedbeas´s dry vagina, Dags waxworks and child molesting. No, that´s three memories. you win.

Blankfist you are a fake. We know you are the picture model for the goatsee and as such you never grunt when taking a dump. or even notice it.

Rougy, we may clean motels now, but we also invented them motels. We did. And your mother was there.

Inflatablevagina, you are so cute trying to be mean, I´ll help you out. Worse than pompous, both of my cats names are bad puns. (Meaow-Tse and the "Laconic" one who would only say "mee" instead of "meaow").So please execrate me as puns are humour´s low-life white trash cousins.

Ornothron, wow, now THERE is some research and effort! Congrats on the trainee who did your job. Having my fraudulent narcisistic ways exposed by a mechanical bird´s apprentice is the moon landing to my neil armstrong. And yes, it is excruciating reading through you people´s comments in order to find even one worth mentioning.

Gwiz, because you like futurama, I won´t mention your excessive concern about my body hair.

Therealblankman, except for choggie all roastees were chosen by god. So if you pray hard maybe He will listen to your high pitched whining.

Haldaug, yes, I masturbate to furry porn. but cmon, you and your wife are so hot!

Peggedbea, those were your titties covered in shit? No wonder it all seemed so normal I didn´t know the roast had even started.

kulpims, you can be the mother of my next daughter.

Choggie, when I said gullible sifters I meant you. Also you should know that when you scream fuck you we hear "good morning"

Don Juan, jump off the bridge, dont jump off the bridge, you guys please make up your mind already so i can mindlessly follow, wtf.

Dotdude, the only place I´d fear a candiru is inside my urethra, whereas spiders are scary everywhere. Also the Amazon River is closer geographically to your new orleans house than mine in sao paulo.

Rottenseed, after I wipe my tears I´ll tell you that at least (or even) blankfist know we speak portuguese, not spanish. And if I was fritzl dressed as santa you´d sit on my lap.

MrFisk, or should I say "imelda marcos", I may lure young single moms to my moms basement but you are the guy who marries them afterwards.

Lann, it was great that you put my two best memories together, thanks. Now someone explain to this "person" what is a roast.

So that is it.
Thanks for the roast, morons!

Now, Laura, you promissed I´d be tied up and filled with herbs.
never fail me again, ok?

and "Mr jester", these pitiful crowdlings dont have enough venom, so please make your dice choose easier prey for the next roast, such as Hitler
(Godwin´s law does not aplly here)

I caught myself having a favorable opinion of NeuralNoise--until I learned about him.
Let's see, where to start?
So: "What is your ratio of pairs of shoes to underwear?
Way more underwear then shoes. I wonder what it means."
We all realize that you're from Brazil (and that the Portuguese lost everything aside from Brazil's national language), but you should ? when you wonder.
And speaking of Portuguese:
"Do you feel you are the same in real life and on videosift?
I learned people are different when speaking a different language, so I´m different in portuguese. Because of that, in a way, yes."
23 fucking word when only one, yes, would do.
Nice picture, NeuralNoise. Do you remember those douche bags from high school that knocked up your best friend, or that girl-you-had-the-hots-for, and he then abandoned them only to resurface on Facebook years later with a pic of them and their kid, expressing how that moment of birth was far more superior to the moment of conception, for the sole purpose of luring single moms to their own mother's basement, or as a method default on child support payments? Yeah, that's you.
And while we're at it, why is hair one of your favorite things? Bemtham spoke highly of pleasure in terms of duration--and that is clearly something your hairline lacks. I think the polar caps are residing more slowly than that wannabe mop of yours. However, your Wolverine chops are gonna outsell any New Mutants comic book, in a few hundred years.
Such a tender flower of the sift is deserving of a dis,
in haiku:
Sarcasm aplenty you
Appreciate the wonder of
A sift with gloves on

10 bucks says a hotpocket would've lured him out...

Department of Homeland Security. That's reason enough to not hold the Olympics in the USA. I'm a Caucasian male in his mid-twenties with no criminal record and I don't dress like a hippie or a terrorist, yet whenever I arrive at a US airport, I am treated like one.

On my first post-9/11 trip to the US, I was disgusted by the security measures at my departing airport in Düsseldorf, Germany. But compared to the arrival at JFK, it was a fucking breeze. Heavily armed guards on an airport? As if we landed in bloody Beirut.

We traveled in a group of four and one of us, a French of Tunesian heritage, was snatched and detained in a backroom for three hours while the rest of us where searched thoroughly and stripped of all electronic equipment (notebooks, mobile phones, MP3 players). They made an image of the only unencrypted HDD and kept the other three notebooks. They were mailed to our home addresses four months later. All the while we were barked at and ordered around. Now, all four of us spoke English rather well and were well dressed, so I can't even imagine what it's like for many others.

Your DHS demands more information about me in advance to any flight than my own bloody mother knows. And that's from a country that is part of the Visa Waiver Program. Fuck, crossing the intra-German border prior to '89 was more pleasant than travelling into the US as a foreigner. Biometric passport, Orwell would be proud.

Oddly enough, the Travel Promotion Act, intended to lure visitors back into the US, aims to impose a $10 fee upon entry into the US. That's some fucking logic.

Edit: "Data helps prevent crime before it happens. Smarter public safety for a smarter planet." <<-- that's an IBM info tablet on airports and again, Orwell would be proud.

I fear that the transformation into other medias will drive away more than it lures in.

I am absolutely disgusted to think that anyone would mistake this piano for having a good time! Someone needs to investigate further into the matter. I am sure it was lured in with promises of high pay, but when it got on set the drugs came out and these evil bastards had their way with this poor piano. I hope it was at least 18 years old!

>> ^HenningKO:
Wait... why is it the fat white guy's fault? The guy doing the beating killed him. He clearly lost control and couldn't stop. No one was egging him on, no one told him to stomp on the guy's head.
Sure, no one did shit afterward but don't gimme that nonsense like everyone in the room is a brutal murderer.


That "fat white guy" lured him to the dojo, set up the match, let the brutality occur, issued the command to have the body taken out back, filmed the blood trail, then uploaded it to his Youtube account 25 years later. You don't need to pull the trigger to be a murderer. Charles Manson, Hitler, and Judas are so reviled yet who did they kill?