Is it harassment if the pretty girl on the bus catches you staring at her reflection in the window, like, 3 times in a row?

The most awkward interaction with women is at night, when they are walking alone in the dark, and you are behind them and they can see your shadow from the street lights and your footsteps getting nearer. I can't slow down and just keep distance because then I am a stalker. I can't speed up because then I am chasing her. So now I am trying to do all the things I think a rapist wouldn't do, which is exactly how I imagine a rapist would think, so I try to stop thinking like that. Tension mounts until I am within striking distance, when she takes a quick glance over my shoulder and sees my grimace (a poor attempt to produce a friendly smile), and accelerates to the maximum possible walking pace without offending british insensibilities. Her max is my medium, so we continue onwards into the darkness in silence, a couple of feet apart, air full of tension, neither willing to deescalate by crossing the road. Awkward. But maybe that's just me.

Unwanted attention is pretty uncomfortable. To me, harassment suggests sustained unwanted attention. I guess the problem is for the guy it's not sustained, but for the woman it is. If she is getting it from every corner, then the net result is harassment. Catcalling is just plain rude and disrespectful tho, no excuse for that.

having lived in the bronx and schooled in NYC, i'd say that more than quite a few of the prolific catcallers in NYC are poorish, semi-retarded horndog construction workers, with little or no education.

best of luck in modifying their behavior

My advice would be to take them on an individual basis. If they look like this woman, already quite bothered and unhappy, just don't bother. You won't get a good response. If they are happy, look comfortable in their surroundings, and don't give you a dirty look when you catch their eye, just be a gentleman and not a smarmy asshole...at least that goes for any woman I would have liked to hang with.

As to 'marking yourself unavailable', I have to say, wearing a wedding ring (what I would call 'marking myself unavailable') actually had the opposite effect for me. Before I wore one, I was never hit on by a woman in an obvious way, afterwards it was almost silly how often women (and even totally inappropriately aged girls) just walked up to me and offered sex. Perhaps it's not the same for women, but I can't imagine most catcallers would care they were 'taken', and might actually be encouraged by it, oddly and sadly.
IF men and women would recognize and respect such a 'marking', I would wholeheartedly advocate it. It could eradicate a gaggle of issues.

the actress involved has since received rape threats.

Well done, misogynistic assholes for making her point...

There wasn't a single "innocent" call there, merely some guys thinking they're being more progressive and have a better chance if they holler "nice day" instead of "nice ass".

I've always wanted to take a catcaller and hire lots of gay guys to hit on him all day, just to see the reaction. I suspect I'd have to hire bodyguards too.

Awfully similar to the idiots standing around on street corners making catcalls at passing women.

Nice. I never understood it when I said a woman was sexy they somehow heard 'you're a sex object, and nothing more'. Why can't they hear what I mean; 'on top of being the kind of human being you are, you are also sexy'?
That said, I've never 'catcalled' anyone. That always seemed like self defeating behavior to me, not a way to get a date.

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Yeah, I'll agree that women who dress like the woman we're talking about should expect those responses. That doesn't make it right; it just means a significant portion of men are assholes.

What I don't get is why people make the argument that she shouldn't dress like that instead of acknowledging that men shouldn't catcall.

Too true. I think it's a double whammy. It stops you from taking control, and then it festers afterwards. Victims feel they were somehow complicit in their own abuse because they weren't more assertive.

I wonder if this type of abuse, and indeed the catcalling as well, is basically a power thing - a dominance thing. Confronting them deprives them of their little power trip. At any rate, it's evidently a hard thing to do.

Ok, for any and everyone who says "we're just too weak": welcome to the hyper-macho culture. For starters, you're right, I know your husband beats you, but seriously, deal with it. Grow the fuck up and get over yourself. Right? No?

The problem with certain forms of abuse is that many recognize they may in fact be participating in it, and to defend themselves from feeling bad, they justify it. For instance, in extreme examples, SLAVERY!

I posted a link to another video which makes the point: when you start dehumanizing the subject of your intentions, it becomes okay because they're just objects. That's the real issue here: these catcalls become, if you want to call it, a gateway drug for dehumanization.

And I'm sorry, but anyone who thinks we've just become pansies and these women need to suck it up, well, I'm sorry but __|__

How is being denied a job because of your sex a "suck it up" situation? Oh, you wanted to get the manager position? Well, we gave it to your less qualified male counterpart for more money than we intended to pay you anyway.

Why is there still a pay disparity? Equal work = equal pay? Unless you're female. Not to mention all the women passed over for promotions because they're simply not pretty enough. Or hell, just go to a Hooters . . . or Tilted Kilt, Winghouse or any other establishment that's frequented by males who are simply there because of the "hot chicks". I doubt many of those places could exist on their food quality alone.

While stopping to asshole YouTube comments isn't going to solve women's equalities issues, it will help. Intolerance for intolerance will be the only solution. Letting these YouTuber's harass females (yes, it is harassment, not a compliment) and putting women into uncomfortable situations because you feel like you're giving them compliment will only make matters worse.

For instance, go to a gay club and see how you feel when guys are constantly catcalling you, telling you they'd love to fuck you etc. Trust me, when it happens to you, it's not a compliment. It's damned creepy.

Now, if your female friend did her hair, got a new dress etc and you tell her she looks pretty, that's one thing. Telling a random stranger "Hey beautiful" etc doesn't win you any favors.

Do you have any female friends that rarely get catcalled? Ever spoken with them about the women who always complain about how men are always interested in sex?

I know that women find it demeaning. I'm saying that's like being angry you ate too much steak and don't have enough room for dessert. Internet bullying can lead to suicide or severe depression. I find it sick that you (or she) would equate unwanted favorable attention with outright verbal abuse.

I'd suggest talking to as many of your female friends as possible and find out from them whether or not they enjoy being catcalled. You'd be surprised by A) how many of them actually find it demeaning and B) how many of them determine if it's demeaning by what the other person looks like (I won't even go into what this says about them.)

I upvoted the naughty jokes because I have funny bone. You can either laugh or cry, and I'd rather laugh than cry about something I really have no power to change alone.


That, and I have a sick sense of humor. I assume its one of the reasons my wife married me...

I'd say your lack of humor is anti-human. But then again, we're just anonymous internet folks sharing our unsolicited opinions now, aren't we?

>> ^tsquire1:

The fact that a comment critiquing rape culture gets downvoted, and one that promotes rape culture gets up voted, reveals a heavy nerdbro tendency on this site that is really quite sick.
No, I dont care if it is 'just a joke'. You infantile nethipsters that make these comments never have to worry about being raped, never have to worry about what they wear walking down the street and if it will promote 'catcalls'. You don't have to worry about facing violence by going out at night or, if you do get sexually assaulted, have to worry about who will even believe you.
Plainly, you have no idea what you are talking about.
That is why it is funny to you. Because you are that removed from reality. Your laughter is a privileged laughter. Your cynicism is anti-human.
>> ^Hybrid:
You wouldn't be saying that 30 mins after I put some Rohypnol in your drink.