Ireland's version of Eminem's "Stan"- (With lyrics)

submitted by Barseps

1 decade 2 years 10 months ago

(LYRICS)

(Chorus opening)

There I was havin’ a good hard shit for myself
After the parsnips,peas,cauliflower the lump o leek and de brussels sprout
All inside in me,dyin’ ta get out it was and shur what could i do i had to go
And i’m readin de oul sunday paper,as you do you never know what you might see like and I turn the page and theres this big fuckoff ad for Eminem live in the point depot, and who comes in de door only my little brother Matthew(matcho)
Runs in the the door sees the ad runs downstairs to mammy “Eh mammy mammy Eminems comin to de point depot,mammy mammy Eminem live at the point depot can i go mammy can i please please mammy can i go?” Bastard!
Mammy tells me to go an get tickets I go and get tickets, I’m standin’ outside HMV for 17 an a half fuckin’ hours,with nothin but a flask of turnip soup I had last sundaay and a fuckin’ sleepin bag...Frozen to my balls I was and muppets all round me screamin’ an roarin’ an shoutin’ ‘cleanin out dere closet,cleanin out dere closet’ langers on a half a bottle of fuckin’ smirnoff ice, but shur what can you do wit em?, dere muppets de whole lot of em’
Nonetheless dey move,I move, we all move, I finally get up to de counter
“Eh 2 tickets for Eminem” “Thats 50 euro per ticket and 4.50 bookin’ fee”
“Whats the bookin' fee for?? I booked nothin standin here for 17 1/2 fuckin hours, no credit card, no nothin. Fuckin MCD robbin bastards,robbin’ bastards de whole lot of em but I’ll tell you 1 thing, ye met yer match lads Ha Ha!

(Chorus)

Bus Eireann,deres another shower o right muppets altogether 20 euro a piece for myself an matthew....8 1/2 hours and I standin the whole fuckin way from Limerick to Dublin! When does it ever take 8 1/2 hours to go from Limerick to Dub..I’d fuckin’ swim to New York quicker! And It a broken down heap o shit an all it was and blated punctures and bumps,every bump was like a fuckin crater of a moon it was,
Nonetheless we finally get there had to queue outside de point depot for another 2 1/2 hours, half way through the queue some muppet feels my balls “Have you got a camera?” he says....Have I got a camera,I can’t stand the sight of the peroxide fuckers head an he’s askin me have I a camera?! I can’t take a shit,make a hang sangwich an de fuckers lookin’ back at me. I’m only up here for matcho you know!!
Jesus I get in I hadda queue for a burger ('cos Matthew wanted a burger) I hadda queue for a pint,I hadda queue for a piss! Everything,you can’t even make a phone call and some muppets on the line “Eh your call is important to us,please stay on the li….Fuck you ya bastard! Fuckin Eircom robbin bastards! Robbin bastards de whole lot of em,robbin de country blind, fuckin’ government don’t have a clue whats goin’ on in this country!
Nonetheless we’re pushin an we’re squeezin an shovin tryin to make it up to de front for Matcho (Hes only small hes only up to my arse,hes only six, like)...and of course I’m fartin de whole way up coz I couldn’t go to the toilet coz I couldn’t get inta de queue!! And his mouth was open an all and he’s dere “Ah Stan are we near the front yit Stan, Eh stan Are we near the front I can’t breathe stan eh... “We’re nearly dere now hold onto yourself boy!
We finally get there Hes all excited hes on my shoulders,I’m all excited coz hes all excited We came all dis way for you,just for you…..and you send out some black fella…..a big fat black fella an the back of his trousers down his arse. And him roarin into the microphone ‘Whos ur nigger,whos ur nigger ur niggers in da house, Jenny's on the block..” Well I’ll tell u one thing Jenny Suck my fuckin’ cock!!! We didn’t come all this way to see u or no one like u! Jez who are you? Nobody gives a shit about or no one else! We came here to see 1 man 1 man only, do me a favor will u?
GET OFF DA FUCKIN STAGE!!!!!!!

(Chorus)

Out you finally saunter with your vest wrapped round you good an tight,an oul hangy baggy pants on you and nonetheless an oul pair o nike runners on you
an you screamin into the microphone! how u were fucked in the arse when you were 5, Thats not my fuckin problem you know! We’ve all got issues we’ve all got problems,I’ve a wife that hates me,Ive a child that I love but shur what can we do about em? We don’t go rantin an ravin to the public about how fuckin brilliant we are, how our lives are all fucked up an I want to put my wife in a bodybag an drive her over the edge of a cliff. Well I’ll put you in my bodybag ya bastard! I’ll drive you over the edge of a bridge or a cliff or a mountain or somethin! Don’t go rantin an ravin with ur la de da de da bout your hoosit an wtsit in the world!! I have issues here in the world and I’ll tell u 1 ting!If I’m goin down I’m takin’ you with me coz ur nothin but an ape! And I’ll tell u somethin else,I’ll rip ur liver out thru yer arse! BASTARD!!!!

(Epilogue)

"Dear stan, you sad, sad little man....why do you think I should give a shit about you or your little brother Matthew, it's fuckin' apes like you that are making me a fortune, I'm worth a FORTUNE....I release an album, you buy the album, I release a single & you buy every single song off it, I mean why do you buy it twice...why why?? You queue for hours you buy tickets, I can't even get a passport leave my own country & the likes of you are still out there buying all my shit that I pump out...so what if I'm moanin' and groanin'?....I'm worth a fortune, I couldn't care less about you, anyone, no-one...I LOVE it...I'm worth so much money, it's SICK...I'm sick to my teeth with money...I'm loaded, I am loaded....I'm fuckin' LOOOOOOOAAAAAADDDEDDDDD!!!!"

(Chorus)