The evolution of comedian horses. "Pull my hoof."

It's that all-hoof drive that really gets the torque to the turf...

I've seen movies where the horse has hobbles that pull it's front hoofs up so it goes down on cue. Pure, unadulterated animal abuse.

You can tell in this clip the horse has been trained to do exactly what it does. It knows it's falling. It's prepared to fall. If it didn't choose to do it, it most likely wouldn't. It damn well better have got ALL the carrots too.

Hoof Hearted is the best name.
https://youtu.be/Kqj2hkbDnyM

Couple cracked ribs from that rear hoof...

I think in the US, some neighborhoods are considered "safe", and others not. It's probably driven by statistics and reports of lost/stolen packages by customers.
As for being home and the package still being at the door, some packages don't require a signature of receipt or person-to-person delivery, it could have been outgoing mail, or they were in the back when the postman rang. The most likely reason is that most delivery people are too lazy/busy/overworked that they will just assume you're not home because (statistically) most people aren't during the day, they'll dutifully ring the doorbell, drop the package, and hoof it back to their vehicle to get to the next address as fast as possible.

Not entirely their fault. I've seen those poor dudes out running around on duty at 9pm at night now.

Basically he got tore up by a grizzly, managed to climb on it's back and start knifing it to death, and then fell to the ground when his companions finished it with rifles. The leader figured he was dead soon, so he told the other two guys to bury him when he died and catch up after.

The history is a bit muddled on whether they got scared by Indians or just stole his stuff and left, but either way they took all of his gear and hoofed it. When they caught up, they told the leader that he had died.

So Hugh came to, with no gear, covered in a fresh bear skin they had taken off the bear. He was suffering from a broken leg, the cuts on his back exposing bare ribs, and all his wounds festering. He was 200 miles from the nearest fort, with nothing to help him and surrounded by hostile Indians.

He crawled, surviving on roots, berries, and remains of animal kills. His back became gangrenous, so he lay on a rotten log and let maggots eat the dead and rotten tissue away. Later he was found by a friendly tribe that sewed the bear skin to his back to cover his exposed ribs and gave him some supplies. When he finally reached the Cheyenne river, he fashioned a crude raft and floated down the river to the fort.

Everyone thought he had died, but he recovered fully. Later he decided he would avenge himself on the two that left him behind, but he spared one because he was too young and one because he had joined the army and was kind of untouchable. The young guy was Jim Bridger, who became a famous mountain man himself as he got older.

he's lucky he didnt get smacked in the face with a hoof.

"...was believed to have a hormonal imbalance which triggered the attack"

They must have done some blood work from the jeep

"I've often wondered what a bull-giraffe's hoof stamping on my skull would feel like darling, let's holiday in Chad shall we, and find out!?"

*related=http://videosift.com/video/Funny-misheard-names-348-Hoof-Hearted

Funny misheard names #348: Hoof Hearted has been added as a related post - related requested by jonny.

*hoofs. What, there's no hoofs channel? The Perissodactylae members of the sift are outraged.

>> ^PHJF:

Plural of roof is roofs, not rooves


While true, it is a strange and illogical part of the language as it stands today. We pretty much pluralize every other word ending in "fs" to "ves". Dwarf/dwarves, staff/staves, scarf/scarves, life/lives, hoof/hooves, half/halves, calf/calves, and on and on. It's easier to enunciate this way. If enough people agree and use rooves, it will eventually be legitimized by dictionaries.

So since he touched the hoof did he win the $5?

I know my momma loves me
I know my poppa loves me
I know the camera loves me
I can tell my brother loves me
I know that Boston loves
And San Francisco loves me
I love the city back,
I just can't help it, it's so lovely

I'm in my lucky underwear, i'm feeling debonair
If it's a lonely trip to heaven, I'm already there
I'm in the bedroom i'm like stepping like I'm Fred Astaire
I make it happen, battlerapping at my Teddy Bear
When I was twelve I'd leave my door open a crack
afraid if getting busted sneaking porno on my mac
I guess I was a freak
Until I got caught last week
(who's been loving you?)
I was reading Booker T, I threw the book at me
I go for the lookers but they never look at me
I would get a hooker if I could unhook her bra
I'd be looking soft as soon as she took her top. off
let's go rolling in a broken winnebago
stop and smoke a bowl out of a hollowed out potato
It's hash now, but it's hash browns soon
(who's been loving you?)

I know that Jesus loves me
I know that buddha loves
The fucking easter Bunny
and the ghost of gandhi love me
I know that santa loves me
I think my Aunties love me
I know my Grandma loved me
she thought I was handsome trust me

this insanity, that's heredity
it's my family, we can let it be
wish I pretended that mom and dad are dead to me
But i love my dad, that motherfucker read to me
my first words were "where's the love?"
mad smug, assed up on a bearskin rug
fashodo, mom'll show you the photo
(who's been loving you?)
I do embarassing better
I could wear a pink sweater
with a pair of slick pleather pants
derelicte e-va-ry day and it's well known
that I hop off stage with my cell phone
fake a dropped call when everybody's near me
and shout "I love you mom!" so everybody hears me
I need to and true nothing new but
(who's been loving you?)

Even though I owe them money
I think it's pretty likely
that my whole family loves me
My lovers tend to like me
I know my homies love me
My teachers loved to hate me
The haters love to fuck with me
the fickle love me lately

I'm a percussionist. I never knew guitar
it's cheesy, but I'm stunting like a superstar
it's easy man I'm hopping out a moving car
call me weezy cause I'm coughing at the hookah bar
I don't do cigars, but I got hella game
I can make a lady out of styling gel and cellophane
so you can yell my name, I make the bed frame move
(who's been loving you?)
me and my better friends are heading to the town strip
if they don't let us in we'll never take roundtrip
because I took an hour picking out my outfit
and then I took another slicking down a cowlick
and I like house sitting, but fuck it now's different
I'm going out and there ain't a bouncer for cowtipping
So I'ma tear this joint up
And i'ma party till the hoofs point up
(who's been loving you?)

this is for Charles Barkley
This is for Poison Ivy
This it's for Draco Malfoy
And it's for Bill O'Reilly
This is for Ned Mencia
It's for the corporate lawyers
it's for the backseat drivers
And for my friend Ann Coulter