"Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there." we chant, and another agent appears in the Pentagram. He screams. The dark lord feasts tonight!

Menage a sabre? Feast for sabre?
I believe you mean Sabrage a trois, Stephen.

_{...even though that's still incorrect.}

Heroic? So, some river boarder sees a squirrel on a rock and thinks: "awww, how cute. I'm going to go over there and see if he needs help, because clearly he couldn't have gotten there on his own by swimming. Hey little buddy, you want a ride on my extremely non-natural looking piece of flotation device, something which doesn't exist in your environment."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH. Terrifying man-thing. It's going to eat me. I just came out to this rock to wait while I gathered up my energy to swim the rest of the way across the river and some monster slithered down the river and emerged, all yellow and black and hairy looking. Leave me alone, vile beast! Curse you!"

"You look scared little squirrel, are you afraid of the water? Here, get on my board. Come on. I'll move a little closer to you to make sure you get on. Stop backing away."

"OH NO! He is moving in for the kill, quick, where can I run! Ha, the silly monster can't swim up river, I shall go there! I shall jump to that rock with the fast moving water on it and show this evil monster how squirrels swim. That will show him not to mess with my kind!"

*JUMP*

"Glub Glub. Blargh, this is turning out to be much harder than I thought. Ahhhh, glub glub."

"Oh no, the little guy jumped in the river again. I'll just swim over and save him from his ultimate demise. Silly guy, why did he do that? I was offering him a ride, why didn't he understand that was what I was doing?"

"Glub glub; AAAAAHH, it's coming closer. I am doomed. Farewell cruel world, I knew thee not long but I loved thee so well."

"Gotcha. Here, take a ride on my board. That's better, isn't it little guy? Here, I'll bring you to shore."

"Wah! You have trapped me! Are you going to take me back to your friends to feast on me together? Wait. What is this thing? What magics be this? How does this trap float so well. It must be made of some sort of advanced tree structure that only the giants know how to grow. I am tempted to jump back in the river but I am certain you will catch me again and my energy will have been wasted. No, I will play the possum and wait for my moment. Yes, just when you think you have got me, I shall spring away to safety. Silly giants, they do not know anything. You are bringing me closer to shore, yes. Closer. Closer. *Jump* Hahahahhahaha. Silly giant, now I am up a tree, you will never catch me. Of course, you could have avoided all of this by leaving me alone! Next time, don't waste both of our time and energy by trying to catch a squirrel, we are too smart for you giant monsters!"

"There you go little buddy, now you are safe. Shouldn't have jumped in the river like that, though. Next time you see a human, expect them to be trying to help you, man. Now I will go and cover myself in patchouli oil and smoke some weed."

Moral of the story: Leave wild animals the fuck alone.

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